Feedback on SAT Practice Essay please

<p>Hello I wrote this essay a few months ago and SATs are coming up in a few weeks so can anyone please give me a score of what you think this essay deserves. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Thank you!</p>

<p>“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem to lightly; it Is dearness only that gives everything its value.”
- Thomas Paine</p>

<p>Prompt: Do people tend to value most that which they work hardest to obtain?</p>

<pre><code> The importance of hard work versus something easy to surmount is a dispute commonplace in the world of music. With every year filled with new seedlings of thriving musicians ready to bloom, as well as their less successful companions, the debate is once again expedient. The conclusion in most circumstances, and one that seems the most plausible, is that what we obtain easily is somewhat an “upper hand”, but those who fail to use that advantage to its full potential will frequently end up finishing behind those whose advantages are far lessened, but whose work ethic is far more superior. Nowhere is this more evident than in the case of “The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter’s” Mick Kelly, who followed a very different path in her career than many other people including my dad.

Mick Kelly, one of the youngest in her large family, is a gifted, hardworking, and passionate musician who aspires to be a professional pianist. However, due to her many hardships, she cannot afford her own piano let alone piano lessons. She still has the ambition to work hard to build a violin from scratch, showing her true musical sensibility as she struggles in an impoverished environment. Unfortunately, she is unable to build the violin and is often frustrated, ambiguous, and desperate. This shows that not only does this benefit herself from esteeming things that are too frugal, but it also teaches her the value of hard work, and how faithful musicians will do whatever it takes to achieve that dream. She has ample amounts of potential to become a prominent pianist, and one can foreshadow that one day she will flourish to be one of the best pianists to perform.

In comparison to Mick Kelly, my dad is an immigrant who lived in a Third World Country in a poorly funded village when he was young. One of his favorite hobbies was and still is playing the guitar. He never had real guitar lessons, and only learned from his friends. He longed for his own guitar, but he did not have enough money to buy one and most guitars were poorly made. Not until one day, his friend gave him a guitar as a present that was handcrafted. It was very special to him, and loved playing on it because it was very hard to obtain a guitar. However, after my dad immigrated to America, he bought a very expensive guitar because he had the money and they were available. He thought that his skills would become enhanced undoubtedly by the pricey guitar, but nonetheless he envisioned wrong. The expensive guitar gave a slight boost in one’s playing capabilities, but it cannot replace one’s skill entirely. My dad has played the guitar for over thirty years, but if he had practiced more instead of believing in the guitar to help and steer his way, there would have been a different route in musical potential. It is too late for him to change his ways, but this has taught me a valuable lesson. I have been playing guitar for nearly two years, and I realized that getting a new guitar without an obstacle will not be as fulfilling as earning it by proving to myself that I deserve a new guitar through the judgment of my skills.

In this tale of the two musicians, it is clear that success will come more from Mick Kelly than my dad. My dad was imprudent and ill-advised in buying a costly luxury item than working his way up, a process that will greatly heighten his esteem when he finally reaches that level to be worthy of a four digit priced acoustic guitar. People take pride in what they have most worked hard to achieve. Hopefully, aspiring musicians like me will take this as a precaution as well as a lesson on the true derivation of success.