feedback, por favor (again)

<p>I posted this essay under admissions, but then I realized that the parents forum would be a much wiser choice. Sorry to double-post.</p>

<p>If you don't mind, I would GREATLY appreciate feedback/suggestions on this essay.</p>

<p>God greatly blessed me at birth. He placed me in a Christian home, and my parents worked hard to set godly examples and instill godly values in me. I learned Bible stories and memorized verses at an early age. When I was six, I decided that it would be fun to walk down the aisle at Vacation Bible School, and I ignorantly and insincerely prayed for Jesus to come and live in my heart. Then I attended the ceremony, ate a bunch of cookies, and forgot all about my “decision”. After stumbling around, lost, for a few years, I finally surrendered my life and became a follower of Christ. Through my making this choice, my life has gained meaning and purpose. God has allowed me to serve Him in many ways, and He has introduced me to truly great people, whom I have the honor of calling my brothers and sisters. I have matured immensely in my walk with Christ over the years, and I look forward to watching my faith grow during my college years.</p>

<p>Never underestimate the philosophical conversations of sixth-graders. In the middle of a pajama party discussion about morals, religion, and evolution, I realized that I was lost. After studying my Bible and listening closely to sermons, I came to the conclusion that I could not shut God out of my life and confine Him to the pages of my Bible. He required an intimate, personal relationship and full surrender of myself in every aspect of my life. One night, I took an honest look at myself and recognized how selfish and sinful I was, how I desperately needed to be forgiven and made into a new creation. I closed my eyes and cried out to my heavenly father, laying my life at His feet and praying the prayer of salvation. Unlike my earlier “decision”, this time I was completely sincere, and I vowed to dedicate every part of my life to Christ.</p>

<p>After becoming a member of a youth group, I realized how much Christianity rocks. Jim, the youth pastor, invited me and my guitar to join the praise band, and I learned the immense value of honest worship. Worship deepens one’s relationship with God through an indescribable joy and peace, and it is now an absolute necessity in my life. Participating in a youth group also allowed me to witness the lives of passionate Christian peers, and fellowshipping with them inspired and encouraged me to daily strengthen my walk with God.</p>

<p>If my relationship with Christ had to be summed up using one word, I would choose the word “faith“. Faith is believing without seeing, having complete confidence in the infallibility of an ancient book. I have entrusted my life to God, and, though it may cost me earthly pleasures and opportunities, I will hold my life to His standards and commands. I believe that He has a plan for me, and I will stay on the narrow path, living my life according to His will.</p>


<p>Come on, out of all the views maybe a couple of people can post some input! If you're worried about hurting my feelings, don't. I'm a big girl. Plus, if it is horrible then someone needs to warn me, quick, not to send it.</p>

<p>"fellowshipping" isn't a word.</p>

<p>Assuming this is an application to a Christian college, it would seem to be fine.</p>

<p>If it isn't (and there are plenty of Christians at more secular places), I think the relentless cliches might make it difficult to understand. What does it mean to be "lost" at age 6 or 8? How were you "sinful" at age 12? (what sins had you committed?) How are "godly values" played out around you? What is a 12-year-old doing having an "intimate, personal relationship" -- what exactly does that mean? (I know what that means in the secular realm.)</p>

<p>Your last paragaph implies a contradiction with the second. In the second paragraph, you write about how God cannot be confined to the pages of your Bible. In the last paragraph, you write that your faith is based in the infallibility of an ancient book. I think it would be fair to ask, "Which is it?" Your belief in the infallibility of an ancient book cannot come from the infallibility of the ancient book - it has to come from elsewhere, doesn't it? Are God's standards and commands only to be found in the book? (your second paragraph suggests otherwise.)</p>

<p>The problem for me - not accepting of your belief system at face value -- is that I don't know what a lot of the words mean, and you don't help me much.</p>

<p>P.S. Not that it should make any difference to what YOU believe (which is your choice), the vast majority of the world's Christians believe that the scientific evidence supports the theory of evolution. Some even go so far as to suggest that evolution is evidence of God's continuing interest in the world.</p>

<p>Thanks for taking the time to post some feedback--you have really helped me. I'm going to put more effort into considering my audience and write it from a different angle.</p>