<p>I’m a student at a top 15 university and I honestly feel like if I died, nobody would care. I feel like if I died people would just walk around me like I was a spill, and then some janitor would come whistling with a wheelbarrow and haul me off to a dumpster. Life would continue as usual, my parents would be sent a letter, and my floormates would say “Hey, did you know Shankist died today?” “Wow, that sucks dude,” “Yeah. Anyways, let’s smoke some weed” The only people in the universe who would give a **** about my death are my two parents.</p>
<p>I’ve been here for a semester and a half right now, and I feel like I have barely made any friends or even acquaintances. I feel a huge disconnect with people, and it just pains me to see how easily everyone else socializes. Within the first week people were basically, probably literally, having orgies across campus while I sat in my room literally crying because I just don’t understand why nobody likes me. I just don’t get why everyone else is so happy while I am totally alone in my misery. I don’t play any sports, I suck at piano, I’ve never dated a girl, and I don’t even remember how I made friends in high school. Maybe I should have killed myself then. I have no friends besides my roomate who’s an even bigger loser, and my grades suck balls now because I was so depressed I couldn’t do anything. </p>
<p>What’s the point if you have neither grades nor social life? What’s the point if you have no redeeming qualities whatsoever? It’s agonizing being so incredibly worthless that even your ego has rejected you.</p>
<p>I think I’d be better off as a leper or a rapist, because at least then people would even have an opinion about me. At least then I would have an excuse as to why I’m a social cripple. I’m not ugly or dumb, hell, I’m not even lazy when I’m not depressed. But I just feel so god damn alone here that it grinds me down and I don’t see the point in doing anything. </p>
<p>There are middle schoolers with more active social and sex lives than me. God I can’t even write a good depression thread. I won’t even be in the news when I commit suicide on the metro.</p>
<p>Don’t do it dude. You wanna kill yourself to seek relief, but you can’t feel relief if you’re dead.</p>
<p>We are the only ones in control of our lives and how they end up. We can’t control everything that happens but we can control how we deal with them.</p>
<p>First, seek counseling. Your college should offer it for free. It can be a great resource.</p>
<p>Second, you mention how nobody seems to like you, but you haven’t said what you have done to reach out to people. It’s okay not to be a social butterfly. Believe me, not everyone is, and not everyone on your campus is having the time of their life right now. Even having a crazy active social life can get tiresome. </p>
<p>Find a club that interests you, or learn to play a sport. Bring your roommate along so you’ll have at least someone to look like you’re talking to. Get involved in some community service. It’s an easy way to make connections with other people and it makes you feel like a good person who has something to offer the world! Which, I’m sure, you are. </p>
<p>Yeah man, these people are speaking the truth. Find help. You may also consider deleting your online profiles as a means to cut off all your detractions from your social life. The simple truth is that WashU and the midwest represent life in its drabbest form, transfer someplace fun like the University of Arizona. Live a little, clearly the academics aren’t stimulating your visceral desires.</p>
<p>You need a different perspective on life. Think about what you have. You go to a TOP 15 UNIVERSITY(Nice!) You have food. You have shelter. You have UNLIMITED opportunity.</p>
<p>What you dont have is connections with other people. Try talking to people who live around you. Psychology shows that you are most likely to be friends with people you are in day-to-day contact with. Get counseling if you must. People see counseling as some terrible negative stigma, but it is a whole lot better than suffering by yourself. You dont need to go through this.</p>
<p>And if you really want sex, you need to find a DAB(Drunk Ass *****) 95% of hookups i see are under the influence. I also know lots of people just go for any girl they see and get rejected one after another until they get the puss.</p>
<p>I just want to tell you reading this really pained me. I’m tough-skinned, but somehow I really felt you by reading this. First, don’t seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That phrase may be hackneyed like crazy, but it’s applicable. Don’t do it. Things will get better.</p>
<p>You feel worthless with your grades: I get that. All my life I’ve held onto academic record with pride. I was rejected from 1 top 15 and waitlisted to 2 others (and I’m talking about low top 15’s here). You, however, got in. You have it in you; remember that. It’s up to you to find that motivation and pull it out. It may not come now. Just keep trying.</p>
<p>About your social life: change the aura you exude. Act confident and people will see it. I know it’s WAY harder said than done, but you have no idea how changing your outlook and mindset attracts people. Take baby steps. Talk to a new person each day. Take charge. Relative to how you’re feeling now, what’s the worst that can happen?</p>
<p>Seek counseling through your school. I’m 100% sure you’re not alone and others in your school suffer from the same sentiments you are feeling.</p>
<p>You’re either going to get counseling, be miserable, or die. Those are your three options. Counseling may end up with you just seeing a shrink, or you may need medication. Either way, you must seek counseling if you want to A) survive and B) be happy. If your kidneys weren’t working right you would see someone; this is the same thing.</p>
<p>Shankist- I hope you are ok. You shouldn’t feel like a ghost or that no one cares because all of us who have replied care. There is good advice here. Take baby steps. Seek counselling Do something nice for someone else each say and it will come back to you ten-fold. Please reach out to an RA or teacher or counselor or nurse or doctor for help. Please respond so we know you are ok</p>
<p>Shankist, There is some good advice here, particularly from xcloudy. I know it is easier said than done, but the key to making connections truly is interacting with someone on a regular basis. What about joining the school newspaper or another club? Force yourself to try at least 2 extracurriculars and stick with whatever you prefer. You are not alone! There are hundreds of people like you on your campus alone. Many students feel that they do not fit in, but when they retreat to their rooms they seem invisible. All you see right now are the loud crazy partiers. But the others are out there, also hoping to make a connection. Please keep writing and let us know how you are doing.</p>