<p>Sorry to hijack, Tatin. Not that I think your relationship with your sister is similarly fraught. Just that every sibling relationship is different, and I understand the disappointment.</p>
<p>I had a disappointment with a close family member who was going to come to my daughter’s high school graduation a few weeks ago and then bowed out at the last minute. I am pretty sure it was an honest scheduling error, and I love this person dearly and know she has a lot going on in her life, but of course Dr. Freud Never Sleeps. I tried to be a grown-up about it, but I learned a few days ago that my daughter was more upset than she first let on. </p>
<p>“OldMom, I’ve heard of people refusing invitations because their dogs couldn’t come (and they thought kennels were cruel) but never goats!”</p>
<p>I wouldn’t at all be offended that my dog couldn’t come somewhere (in fact, I wouldn’t even ask to bring a dog to a graduation), but I wouldn’t kennel my dog either. So, if I couldn’t arrange something other than a kennel, I probably wouldn’t come. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.</p>
<p>If OldMom can still be on speaking terms with “goat bro” then I am certain we can all get over whatever slights we think have come our way. What was he ever thinking?? </p>
<p>OP, I understand that you’ve backed down from your first reaction, but I do think you were initially being quite unreasonable. Just because you’ve decided that this is how your entire family should be honoring your daughter a “white coat ceremony” is not, IMO, anywhere on the same level as a graduation from med school. It’s possible that your sister would have made an extra effort to fly in had she been invited to the graduation itself. </p>
<p>There could be other reasons for changing her mind that she doesn’t feel obligated to share with you. Don’t invent snubs where they don’t exist. </p>
<p>OP, it seems as if your feelings around this incident haven’t really changed at all. Comparing a white coat ceremony to a wedding is just absurd. </p>
<p>“I guess we’d better ask questions when folks ask if “the kids” can also come to an event. LOL.”</p>
<p>Groan…that’s probably the best pun yet.</p>
<p>“OP, it seems as if your feelings around this incident haven’t really changed at all. Comparing a white coat ceremony to a wedding is just absurd.”</p>
<p>No, it sounds like the OP’s feelings have changed in this thread. Actually, this all has to do with family dynamics. Without knowing every last detail, it’s hard to determine. I started reading thinking it was ridiculous to be upset, and ended up thinking that I would be upset. But every family dynamic is different. Then again, maybe spending four days with Dad is fine with the OP, though it would be very challenging for me. Most people’s parents can’t outpontificate my Dad.</p>
<p>My brother is a doctor. He trained in NYC where I live (as does my entire family.) I only remember attending his medical school graduation. You are making a way too big deal about this. But then again, I don’t think HS graduations are all that important that they warrant excessive travel. Yes, a gathering is nice among family, but generally tickets to graduation are limited to just a few people and I would pick another day for a celebration. Since you are placing so much importance on your sister attending the whit coat ceremony (and acknowledging your D), I think the issue is much broader than just getting together. I would analyze why you are so upset and maybe work on that by separating it from your D and her starting med school.</p>