I’ve been a commuter student in the cuny system for about 2 1/2 years now, and I feel constantly overwhelmed by feelings of isolation and failure. I was working full-time as a waitress both my freshman and sophomore years in order to make ends meet and to pay my tuition (since I don’t receive anything from Fafsa) - so I pretty much entirely missed out on events/clubs/meeting new people because I had these other priorities and little free-time. Now, as a junior, I feel more alone than ever. I’ve been especially depressed and lost for the past few months that I ended up seeking help (a therapist). It doesn’t really help much as her main advice to me is to distract myself by investing in some hobbies. My parents finally felt bad enough that they offered to help me pay my tuition and to cover some of my other bills for me so that I can focus on school and being happier/making friends. But honestly, I feel like their help has come too little too late. I’m in the end-stretch of my college career and it seems like there are very few events or other things for me to do to socialize with other students at this point. Cuny in general is not a very “college experience” type of community since most of the students are also commuters. I don’t know what to do because I have made no friends over my college career and it’s even more difficult because of the whole commuters-leave-school-immediately-after-class-is-over problem. I just feel that I’ve missed out on a crucial period of making friends and forming connections and that I don’t know how to recover/not feel so isolated. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I don’t have anyone to talk or sit with until I come home to my family. It’s been extremely depressing never having anyone my own age to just chat with. I’ve thought about transferring but, at this point, starting somewhere new would put me way behind and I don’t know if I want to do something like that all just to make some friends.
Any thoughts/Anyone who has had a similar experience and can share their advice?
Has your therapist talked to you about taking medication? It’s more effective to combine therapy and meds. It seems you might be depressed. Your primary care doctor can prescribe something for you. Until you are able to feel more positive and happy, making friends might be difficult. Focus on treating your depression and friends will happen. Within just a few weeks you might be amazed at how much better you will feel. Good luck.
I’m not a therapist but I am a mom of a student at another college. I saw your post and wanted to comment for whatever my opinion is worth. Please know it is NEVER too late to make friends. New people are entering your school every year who are in the same situation – whether they are freshman or transfer students. And all of those students are not necessarily younger than you because people start (and return to) college at all different ages. If your parents are willing to help with college costs now, that’s great! Don’t look backwards and think too little too late. Just be glad for their help now and look forward. I think the best way to make friends is to join a club. Either pick something that interests you (choir, club sport, politics?) or volunteer for a cause you believe in. That’s the best way to encounter people who are like you and share common interests. Sometimes volunteering is the best answer because you not only engage in something that interests you, but you get the added benefit of feeling good about yourself for helping other people. Most of all, please continue to let your parents know how are you feeling. Or if you feel more comfortable, talk to a trusted grandparent, aunt/uncle, friend’s parent, etc. People care more than you realize. I know I would always want to help any young person who confided in me, whether it was my own child or not. Lastly, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Many people your age feel this same way (regardless of the picture their social media accounts might present). Remember that college can be a stressful time in everyone’s life, it’s a time of change and figuring out who you are and who you want to be. But you sound like a hardworking, good person, and I’m sure there is so much good ahead for you!
I’m glad you are seeing a therapist and hopefully that will help you moving forward.
For many a CUNY college is not a “typical college experience” as a large portion of students do commute. BUT the CUNY schools do provide a lost cost way to get a college education. So focus on the fact that you are getting through college and you can have a bright future.
And take a moment and allow yourself to feel pride in what you are accomplishing – working one’s way through college is a huge deal. Your determination and work ethic should serve you well later in life.
And there are ways to get involved and develop friendships even at this point – through joining clubs/activities you care about, through classes etc. It will take persistence and effort but keep at it.
Don’t feel so negative about your life dear. The phase of the college life is the duration where we feel depressed by thinking what a lot of things like what our carrier will be, where will our life goes in coming days and so on. But if you have self confidence in yourself, you can make impossible, a possible thing. And for building your self control and self confidence, you can either go with the courses that are available online which helps in building personality or else can can the help of the psychic consultation. Go with the way in which you are comfortable. Removed commercial link
ED
Your post got me thinking, and I just went through my list of Facebook friends. Only five of my 130 FB friends are people I met in college. The rest are all people I met before or after (and a smattering of relatives). The point is that you will keep meeting more people and have more opportunities to make friends your whole life. You haven’t really missed out. Get your degree and move on to working & adult life. You will find people. And try to feel glad that your parents are helping out now – better than if they hadn’t stepped up at all.
I feel your pain. I totally get that this experience is not fulfilling a lot of needs right now and that the CUNY experience is a bit of a bummer.
One strategy I use when something isn’t what I’d like it to be is I tell myself that maybe right now things aren’t great or that I missed out on something others get, but its only because at a later date in the future, I’m going to make up for it and something else will be super amazing. I don’t know if that makes any sense but I guess what I do is that I accept whatever the current situation is by having faith that there is something even more wonderful for me in the future.
I hope this helps in some way. My life strategy is choosing a mindset that will benefit me and keep me positive.