<p>1.) “Fine”: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.</p>
<p>2.) “Five Minutes”: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.</p>
<p>3.) “Nothing”: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine” (see #1).</p>
<p>4.) “Go Ahead”: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!</p>
<p>5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of “nothing”.)</p>
<p>6.) “That’s okay”: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for <em>your</em> mistake.</p>
<p>7.) “Thanks”: A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. Just say “you’re welcome”.</p>
<p>8.) “Whatever”: Is a women’s way of saying “%@&* YOU!”</p>
<p>9.) “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it”: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “what’s wrong” - for the woman’s response refer to #3.</p>
<p>“I told you that”: I thought about providing you that information, and although I may not have actually spoken the words out loud, the very fact that I thought it, should qualify as communication.</p>
<p>Sports (and beer, to be precise) are scientifically proven to clear the buffer. A fresh buffer guarantees high-quality communications of essential matters. Note that the word-filter may occasionally activate (automatically) but generally, assuming essential discussions, this is rare.</p>
<p>A man came home from a long day at work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife “Bring me a beer before it starts”.</p>
<p>She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. Ten minutes later he says: “Bring me another beer. It’s gonna start soon.”</p>
<p>This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was
gone, he said, “Another beer please. It’s going to start any second.”</p>
<p>“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You lazy bum! You waltz in here, flop down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron and bla, bla, bla …”</p>
<p>Husband: “Do you need some help?”
Translation: I feel obligated to ask, but please say no. There is something else I’d rather be doing.</p>
<p>And digmedia, you are quite correct on the meaning of wife’s response, perhaps given because she correctly translated “Would you like some help?”</p>
<p>mezzomom, you little beauty. In heated arguments, I’ve had to remind DH that the words are NOT coming out of his mouth.</p>
<p>Male Communications: A Female Primer</p>
<p>“That’s not true!” = File under a good offense is the best defense</p>
<p>Actually spoken last week by president of big construction company “I don’t want to waste time on unproductive conversations” = I don’t like this conversation because I haven’t done my homework and this avoidance tactic works for me with other women. (I then accused him of acting like Scarlett O’Hara. Vary amusing).</p>
<p>Wow, that brings back memories. I worked as a carpenter’s helper my first summer back from college. My construction betters would not call it a “pail” it’d be a bit more colorful like “f*****g bucket”. Also, I never knew measurement could be done by hair until that summer.</p>
<p>Also have to confess what a twerp I was when “kickback week” was explained to me. I never knew we had to pay the foreman for the tools we used and the nails we bent. Sheesh, that cost me a lot. ;)</p>
<p>Cheers, I’m sure, will be able to interpret this robust system of measurement.</p>
<p>In our house, when someone is grinchy with another person, when, in fact, they’re really frustrated/angry at someone/thing else, we call it “leaking sideways.” From a very early age, my daughter would hear, “Daddy’s not mad at you, sweetie; he just had a frustrating day at work and is leaking sideways” or “Just give your Mom some space; she’s spun up from work and is leaking sideways.” </p>
<p>Which leads me to a memory that IS gender-specific:</p>
<p>When my daughter was in first or second grade, she got into a spat with a boy on the playground. Apparently, at some point, she told him, “My dad leaks sideways all the time; I bet you do too” as a way to defuse the disagreement with her friend.</p>
<p>That night I got a call from the boy’s mom, a single mother of two girls and the boy (the youngest). She asked me what on earth my daughter had said to her son on the playground. I had no idea what she was talking about, so I asked her if there was a problem. She said that after dinner, her son had secluded himself in the bathroom for almost an hour. She started getting worried after awhile, particularly since she could hear him sniffling. He wouldn’t answer her knock on the door, so she finally just went in…and found him, partially disrobed, and flung horizontally across the toilet. When she asked him what he was doing, he replied in an accusatory tone, “Why didn’t you tell me I’ve been doing it wrong!!! MezzoD said that her dad takes a leak sideways all the time!”</p>
<p>The good news is the young man was not scarred for life; to this day, whenever I see him in town, he greets me by tilting his head sideways and giving me a big wink.</p>