<p>I don’t know if this is out of the ordinary, but I feel like I’m fighting with my parents to go to a cheaper school. I have the stats and everything to be a qualified applicant at those HYPS/elite NE schools. We’re a middle class family and I don’t think we’ll get too much financial aid at an elite private NE university. My parents argue that I have to go to a school where I’m surrounded by people who are on the same level as me, but I’m genuinely worried about the financial sacrifices that my parents would have to make. I keep asking them to be honest with me about how it would affect them financially, but I feel as if they’re trying to keep me from being worried. My dad told me, “you like business and stocks, so consider this us investing in you… you’ll buy me a yacht someday.” My parents have done so much for me and I’m really grateful for all of it so I’d feel horrible putting them in a bad financial situation. It’s hard for me to assess for you our financial situation. Basically, my parents want me to go to the best schools with the best people and are telling me that money isn’t a problem. Maybe I’m wrong and money isn’t a problem, but I worry that it could make my parents sacrifice a lot of their lifestyle for just me.</p>
<p>ahhh this is stressful, any suggestions/comments from you experienced parents out there?</p>
<p>I would advise waiting until the decisions are in. If you are not yet in application mode, consider not only HYPS but also schools where you are likely to get merit aid. Some of my S’s friends are going to Duke where, I believe, they are getting very significant merit aid. It would be very hard for your parents to pass up such a deal. Duke and some other schools that give great merit aid are excellent schools; your parents might well change their minds.</p>
<p>Remind them that if they go too much into debt, some of it will be in the form of loans that you will need to pay back, and you may not be able to enjoy all the great opportunities that are available at HYPS. Having the peace of mind of financial aid will free you up to enjoy the college experience more.</p>
<p>First, see where you actually get in. There are lot of surprises, more negative than positive.</p>
<p>Once you have your list of admittances, rank them in terms of how you feel about best fit, regardless of cost.</p>
<p>THEN start weighing financial considerations. You’re fortunate in that it sounds as if all things are possible, which is a wonderful position to be in. It also sounds as if you have a great attitude…I wish more students did.</p>
<p>“My parents have done so much for me and I’m really grateful for all of it so I’d feel horrible putting them in a bad financial situation. It’s hard for me to assess for you our financial situation. Basically, my parents want me to go to the best schools with the best people and are telling me that money isn’t a problem. Maybe I’m wrong and money isn’t a problem, but I worry that it could make my parents sacrifice a lot of their lifestyle for just me.”</p>
<p>Maybe it will be a sacrifice - and maybe, just maybe, it is the kind of sacrifice they would be delighted to make, a sacrifice that they would resent you for NOT allowing them to make on your behalf.</p>
<p>(I tell my kids, it’s not a yacht, but an apartment on West 76th Street, and I’ve even shown it to them.)</p>
<p>If you get in, etc., you can repay them by becoming the best version of you you are meant to be.</p>
<p>Just make sure you applied to enough schools of different caliber and you actually like those schools. When finaid offers will come you and your parents might see things differently.</p>
<p>I think skierdude raises a valid concern. Regardless of how willing his parents are to sacrifice to buy him the best education possible, the money comes with strings attached, even if the strings are only his own personal sense of guilt or obligation. </p>
<p>I think that this issue was probably a source of dissatisfaction for my son and one reason he ended up dropping out of college after 2 years – his college simply was too expensive and he felt that he wasn’t doing well enough with his education to justify the expense. So while I was telling him to stay in school, the internal conflicts caused by the feeling he was wasting my money pushed him a different direction. He’s the kind of person who always has been reluctant to take much in the way of gifts or to ask others to spend money for him. While it may make many parents feel good to spend money on their kids, it doesn’t necessarily make the kid feel good to be the beneficiary of parental largesse. </p>
<p>I’d agree with other posts that a wait-and-see approach makes sense. Why cause unnecessary conflict now when the issue can wait until spring, and admissions letters and financial aid awards are in hand? </p>
<p>But if the decision comes down to choosing the state university or a less-well -ranked college with a large merit award over a prestige school – then I think skierdude may well be right in the end to tell his parents that while he appreciates their love and support, he would prefer a more affordable option.</p>
<p>That’s okay, we check both. We made the sacrifice and I make every effort not to say anything that would stress my son out about this, but he still feels a little guilty at times. In fact he waited until May 1 to make a decision about his acceptance as he agonized over whether he should take the scholarship offers at one of his other schools. He was also worried about college costs for his younger brother. But, he’s extremely happy (and exhausted) and we are very happy we could do this for him. I can’t improve on the advice given above. </p>
<p>Also, I want to say what a wonderful and thoughtful son/daughter I think you are. Many high schoolers would not even consider what this would mean to their parents. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>There are days where I really hate responding to these types of questions because there are always 3 sides of the story (yours, mine and the truth). I have found that who ever is telling the tale of woe, tends to take a few liberties in how the story is being told. (Which is why now I tend to check for the back story to get a fuller picture).</p>
<p>Part of your issue is now a moot point considering that you have applied ED to Penn and basically commiting to attend no matter what you are offered as a package.</p>
<p>If the ED thing at Penn does not work out, you you have a balanced list of schools where you will be in line to get merit aid? I saw your list of potential schools:</p>
<p>Instead of applying to Harvard, columbia, Northwestern, tufts (if you already know that they only do need based FA), you should balance your list with more schools where you would be in line to get merit money (merit at some of the schools you have listed may be a crap shoot also). At the publics, have you applied for the honors programs?</p>
<p>If you’re looking at “prestige” your if your parents are willing to sacrifice your your getting into the best “named” school, say so. Your story won’t be the first, we ain’t mad at ya, nor do we have to foot your bill. Just be upfront and ask if an education at these schools are worth the money especially if it is going to cause a strain on your parent’s finances. I think you would get a different set of responses.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>As many of the parents have stated, out of the over 3000 colleges in this country, the majority of them will give you a great education. Something you can do is reinforce this concept to your parents.</p>
<p>Are you helping to alleviate any of the “guilt” you feel by helping to become an active participant in the financing of your education?
Are you currently working and saving?
Are you applying for outside scholarhsips?</p>
<p>sybbie, of course I am working and applying for scholarships, etc. If you noticed in your search, I’ve been active on these forums in finding good financial schools also. And that list was just my original starting point.</p>
<p>While it is good to have a balance of schools and schools where you think you could get merit there is a big difference between knowing on the outside as an applicant and receiving as an admit. Make sure that you go into this process with your eyes wide open and a list of options because thing sometimes do not follow the plan.</p>
<p>Because of the number of families that are in the “middle class squeeze” and the fact that there are many parents who are part of a “sandwich generation”-taking care of elderly parents and putting kids through college at the same time, the pool is large and equally competitive for students who are seeking merit money. Even with merit schools there are not a lot of guarantees. </p>
<p>While some schools use merit to woo students from “more selective” schools, they also want to woo students that they know will attend.</p>
<p>While you state that your stats/scores make you a qualified applicant at HYPS etc. they also line you up to be a potential candidate for Tufts syndrome and you may be passed over because the school’s perception that you are using them as a safety. It is important to connect with all of your schools. </p>
<p>Hopefully you have had the hard talk with your parents about what they can realisitcally afford/want ot pay. If there is a gap between this amount it is still better to have concrete money to fill the gap vs. hoping and waiting for some that you applied for to come through.</p>
<p>Also keep in mind that all merit aid is not created equally. Therefore it is important to read the fine print as many merit scholarships cover tuition only and not room & board, some are not transferable if you change programs within the same school.</p>
<p>Your best bet would be if you can apply to a rolling admit school that has merit (as some schools the money is based on first come first served), you could have something in your pocket.</p>