<p>^^*I know. I will see a US lawyer at Christmas. The country I live in,where i could file if that is what it comes to, is notoriously pro male in divorce situations. *</p>
<p>It sounds like OP isn’t currently in US and questions her ability to find a sympathetic attorney where she is.</p>
<p>You need to find out which country you can divorce in, and just exactly how the terms of the divorce can be enforced if you and/or your husband do not remain in that country. Sometimes it is necessary to divorce in more than one country. It looks to me like there are three possible countries right now: the USA, the country where you are maintaining the family home, and the country where he maintains a second abode because of his work. This in and of itself is a messy situation. You may need formal legal advice in all three countries.</p>
<p>Can the expatriate community in the country where you are currently residing and/or the US Consulate there recommend legal help for you? That is one place where I would start.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>
<p>Have him irrevokably assign ownership of the life insurance policy to a trust that you are the administrator of. In addition to ensuring your kids are protected, it keeps the proceeds out of the taxable estate. (we did that 13+ years ago for estate planning purposes). </p>
<p>If this a term or whole life policy? In both instances, you need to ensure the premiums will be made, so the policy remains in force. </p>
<p>Best wishes through this tough time.</p>
<p>Perhaps you can find an American law firm with an office in the country where you live. That way you could get advice on both U.S. and local laws governing divorce. I’m so sorry you are going through this, it’s just awful.</p>
<p>AN irrevocable insurance trust would work, that is generally only done with lifetime plans, not term, though.
You being the owner of the current or new policy would work, you could have him remain payor, but be on the file as owner to be notified or you could negotiate things such that you pay the premiums.
It may be difficult to obtain a new US based policy if you are living abroad, many companies are touchy about the majority of time spent abroad, it also depends on the country and the situation. For example I did put together a policy for a student in the UK (American student) and that was fine, but being abroad with no limit will eliminate many companies from the mix.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the ideas. I would have replied earlier but CC keeps ‘cutting me off’- I am choosing to see that as a prompt to keep myself focused!</p>
<p>I have contacted a lawyer here and will contact someone in the US. There is no reciprocal agreement for this country and the US. My husband is in a country where he can divorce me by saying, ‘I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you.’ </p>
<p>We pay taxes in 3 countries. If it comes to divorce, I only want to divorce in one. IT is expensive enough already. </p>
<p>We had just been through a big family crisis the last 2-3 years. While I would never want to live through that one again, I am very clear headed on managing details while still feeling profound emotions. My goal #1- to protect my children and I financially #2- to figure out what I want (this might take longer, and I do not want to put off #1 while I do it).</p>
<p>The thirdtime-I think you are smart to not put off #1. A very dear friend of mine did put off #1. Her H was very generous and feeling guilty in the beginning and she felt no need to secure a divorce or financial settlement in writing. After child 3 graduated from HS the H became a different person. By the time they actually divorced he had damaged my friend emotionally and royally screwed her over financially. All the time he had been generous in the beginning he was secretly arranging his finances to look like he was making a ton less money and moved assets to his new partner.
This was a couple we were very good friends with. I would never have thought the H who I considered a moral and good person could do the things he has done to his ex wife and his kids.
Also hugs to you and take care of yourself.</p>
<p>All this knee-jerk vitriol and condemnation as a result of hearing just one side of the story? </p>
<p>Ohh! Never mind, I remember now how things work here.</p>
<p>This is unnecessarily complicated.</p>
<p>Why don’t you just take out a life insurance policy on your soon to be ex if you really expect him to bite the bullet soon?</p>
<p>If he got no health problems – and you don’t need the proceeds for the kids if he should die (b/c afterall your EFC shrinks significantly) – why do you really need life insurance anyways?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Bite the bullet “Accept the inevitable impending hardship and endure the resulting pain with fortitude”.</p>
<p>Maybe you mean:</p>
<p>Bite the dust “Fall to the ground, wounded or dead”.</p>
<p>Gosh Toblin, guilty or something.</p>
<p>I am not asking for a referendum on my husband or my marriage, just for advice on financial management in a difficult situation. I expect this to be my first and last experience with this issue, and wanted information. It is a bit disconcerting when you learn your spouse has been paying for a dual life in another country… the rest doesn’t seem a far stretch to me. </p>
<p>There are definite limitations being abroad. In the country I live the insurance vehicles are quite different than in the US and it is hard to get US insurers to provide policies. I know a lot more from all your responses, continued thanks!</p>
<p>I have never been through this, but have many friends who have. From what I have seen, the best financial outcome is to divide up the asset right away instead of having him pay over time. It is cleaner and there maybe more now than later to divide up. </p>
<p>Someone I know, also living in overseas, found out her H has been cheating on her for years. She was prepared to work it out, but he wanted out. They were college sweethearts, had 2 great boys. He felt really bad about it and gave her a very generous settlement. She moved back home with the boys, got her certificate to teach. Other than paying for half of boys’ education, she kept most of the money from the divorce. The ex, on the other hand, had few more expensive girlfriends, bad investments, and is now broke. He ended up moving close to his ex, so he could see the boys. The wife got married again and is very happy.</p>
<p>*They were college sweethearts, had 2 great boys. He felt really bad about it and gave her a very generous settlement. She moved back home with the boys, got her certificate to teach. Other than paying for half of boys’ education, she kept most of the money from the divorce. **The ex, on the other hand, had few more expensive girlfriends, bad investments, and is now broke. **He ended up moving close to his ex, so he could see the boys. The wife got married again and is very happy. *</p>
<p>There is a God. :)</p>
<p>sk8rmom is right - you can buy a policy ON him, pay for it - and make your kids the beneficiary.</p>
<p>I have a good friend who got screwed in her divorce, BUT the life insurance policy is required to keep her and her kdis as the beneficiaries AND it is set up that if he doesnt pay the premium she is notified immediately. Sad that it has to be done that way, but it seems to be working. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for posts, support and private messages. I am having odd difficulty staying logged in and cannot respond to the PM’s.</p>
<p>At the moment, husband is contrite and super agreeable to anything. I am still taking steps to protect myself and my children.</p>
<p>At the moment, husband is contrite and super agreeable to anything. I am still taking steps to protect myself and my children.</p>
<p>Good, don’t let your guard down. He might be being “friendly like a fox.”</p>
<p>Be glad that he is contrite and agreeable! This is a great time to set up the structure of what you want to do for yourself your kids, as this phase may not last, unless he is returning to the marriage. I would not doubt that he has genuine remorse, however if he really is moving on in life, this will morph at some point into more greater distance and less compassion for where this puts you. Move decisively!</p>