Financial Aid Appeal. Help needed to edit?

Dear Financial Aid committee,
During the end of Fall 2016, I was academically dismissed from the University of California, X due to my poor academic achievement. I was deeply disappointed with myself for the grades I earned at the end of the semester; my work did not reflect what I am capable of achieving. I realized that I did not meet the standards set by the university due to some personal difficulties. During that semester, I suffered from underdeveloped time management skills, a lack of motivation, and significant health challenges which, have since been addressed and are now well-managed.

When I arrived at UC X, I did not expect to encounter the health and mental problems I’ve been diagnosed with. When I returned home from UC X, I took the first steps toward resolving my situation. I sought help from both my physician Dr.X and my therapist Ms. X . I have been prescribed medication for my anxiety, depression, and insomnia which has greatly remedied my health. By connecting with my therapist we were able to resolve my problems and ease my pain. Following up with the professionals and taking their advice helped me become mentally and physically stronger.

I regained my motivation and determination while working with my UC X advisor and CC counselor. My study habits and time management skills developed, which contributed to my success at CC. I realized the biggest mistake I made at UC X was not utilizing the resources the campus had provided; however, I took full advantage of various resources at CC. Such resources (e.g. student learning center, office hours, tutoring center, counseling, and wellness coaching on campus) made a positive impact and contributed to successful results. These resources have taught me how to manage my time efficiently with better study habits, overcome stress, stay organized, which resulted in becoming a successful student. By seeking help from the inspirational professionals and utilizing the campus resources, I am capable of balancing a full-time academic load, a part-time job and multiple extracurricular activities with ease.

Without financial aid I will be unable to continue my education because I come from a low income family, therefore, my family and I cannot afford the cost for tuition and other expenses. Receiving financial aid will allow me to continue my education at the University I am working hard for and without it, I won’t be able to attend UC X to complete my degree. My academics are my first priority, and I know that given a second chance I will be able to excel academically.

Since my reinstatement has been approved with conditions, I plan on keeping up with my excellent study habits: by visiting professor’s office hours, utilizing the Success Center, building better academic plans with my professors, organizing my study routine efficiently and attending tutoring sessions to achieve excellent academic performance. I plan to utilize the counseling department, academic advising to keep track of my classes and continuing sessions with a psychologist at the University. Studying psychology at the University of California X is an ambition that I am working hard for. Given a second chance, I will persist to improve my academic standing at the University.

    I would like to apologize to the University of California, X for my lack of performance during the fall of 2016. I hope the committee will see that I took the steps to resolve my academic and personal struggles during the Fall semester. Now I know with certainty that these issues are conquerable in the future. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to explain my circumstances.

Sincerely,

XXX

I will also be attaching a letter from my Doctor, therapist and my CC councelor.

Go to your writing center at your local CC and have them edit your letter.
There are multiple grammatical and spelling errors. Your organization, as well as flow, needs work.
You need to revise and rewrite.

This was the edited version by my CC.

There are a few minor errors, but this is fine. Good luck, OP!