Mcat, you have repeatedly stated that there’s no distinction between your money and his money. You should think about correcting that. We are generous to our kids, but there is a clear delineation between “we are using our money to help you” and their money which they are free to spend as they see fit.
Our philosophy is paying none of D’s regular expenses, but buying her some nice gifts she would not splurge on herself. Over the years, we bought some airline tickets, 1-year gym membership, a few furniture pieces for her first rental etc. We would gladly buy much more, but she is fiercely independent and would have none of it, so we have to convince her. But she never refuses our donations to a non-profit she’s been heavily involved with since her college years, so this is probably our biggest spending on her (and we also use our employer matching programs for the donations). On the other hand, we routinely support many regular expenses for both sets of our parents. We are immigrants and our parents cannot make ends meet on their SSI alone, so we are very happy to support them. I wouldn’t have it any other way - must be a cultural thing.
My H and I helped support his mother after H’s father passed away; his father made some bad financial decisions. We arent immigrants–my mil needed the financial support and we could afford it. It was the right thong to do.
None. Two of mine make plenty and don’t need it although I do tend to spoil the grandchildren. One of mine struggles financially but that is a choice he made. I’m not going to have him make life choices based on the fact that we have money. If all he can afford is a small apartment and a used car and shopping at Salvation Army then that’s what he’ll do.
I am giving a fixed amount monthly to my D to supplement her grad student stipend. She has to figure out how to budget with it including saving for emergencies. I am sure we will chip in if it’s life or death issue. She doesn’t know that and she is on her own. No dropping a bag of groceries or shoving in some cash whenever I see her.
Recently heard of a case of super-sized financial support for someone’s college grad: Bought a house in a high cost of living area – a cash buy and the “kid” is likely not asked to contribute any because the income is quite low.
For a couple of other cases that I happen to be aware of, at least the “kid” had to pay the mortgage every month (albeit the contribution from the parents for the down payment is likely 40+% because the pay just out of college is not high enough (and the credit score also) to justify the purchase of a condo worthing almost half a million dollars.)
Just point out there are some very “lucky” kids out there. I am not jealous.
Maybe a few (likely not that many?) parents in the following thread could be capable of such financial support to their loved one also: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1651226-how-much-do-you-think-you-need-to-retire-and-at-what-age-will-you-and-spouse-retire.html#latest
When my husband and I were just finishing graduate school we moved to a small coastal town in Maine that was between the two towns where we each worked. We became friends with a group of couples our age (mid 20s to early 30s) who had various types of jobs available in that small town (teachers, country store owner, weekly paper editor, etc.) none which were high paying at all. Yet, the cost of living in this little town was not low. Several of these couples were not too far out of college, from photos had opulent weddings, had beautiful homes, nice cars, and many only had one working parent as most had young kids at the time. We were living in a one bedroom walk up above a store downtown, cheap rent, starting to pay back loans, just making ends meet and trying to get our feet under us after all those years of both being in grad school. We wondered how these couples could afford this lifestyle looking at them through our glasses of course. Turns out, several of these couples came from very wealthy families and they got A LOT of help from their families from paying for college, the weddings, buying the homes, cars, and whatever.
The saddest part not one of those couples is still married today, In fact, many of those marriages broke down during the few years that we lived there.
Really, MCAT?
@bookworm, In one of the cases, the “young adult” had very little knowledge of buying a house (his parents were not even in this country.) So throughout his buying process, he consulted this matter with a couple of us who had bought a house before. This is how we knew about it. (He used to be our ex-coworker.) I prefer not to talk openly about any details about another case. It suffices to say that I am pretty sure it is true also.
I am absolutely so very lucky that I am able to live at home and save money while I start my way into the world. My parents always said that they would charge me a few hundred in rent - which I always expected & have offered - but since I’m making like no $$, they haven’t expected or asked for anything. I pitch in with groceries, cleaning, cooking, help my father with paperwork - the normal things that are expected of me and perhaps a bit more. My parents want me to save everything since I’m going to be living in Spain next year (!!).
I do pay for:
gas (admittedly, I share my parents’ car with my 19 yo brother who is currently in college so that’s my parents’ expense [it’s paid off but my dad does maintenance & pays for insurance])
my own groceries + toiletries, groceries as needed for the whole family (my dad always overbuys groceries though!)
my own health insurance
my student loan
my cell phone bill
& of course, anything that I want.
My parents are so generous and have offered to buy me my plane ticket to Spain, anything else I need for that, etc. Well, it’s mostly my mother but still, I am very grateful. She even wants to take me shopping after I lost 50ish pounds recently! I feel bad about that but I know it brings her joy to do so and I know she wants me to start dressing better! I’d wear the same things over and over again until they fell off me or were really worn if left to my own devices.
If I had a higher paying job (I’m thinking of going back to school post Spain but idk…), my parents would definitely expect me to pay rent, have my own car, etc. I think a lot of this depends on circumstances, parents’ own situation, etc. I think they’re happy I’m still living with them & are in the position to help me. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to survive on my own without getting a job in a completely different field and/or moving out of my city (rent for the cheapest studio is like $900/$1000). I would make it work if needed but idk…I’m just very lucky.