^Oh, agreed. Both my kids do have dental with their jobs. I was just pointing out that I did not have it for years, not that I think it’s an okay state of affairs. More like to counteract the idea that a generation ago, things were necessarily cushy.
I heard of this from some CCer at one time:
His kid commented that, after college, it is a big step DOWN in the living standard if the person continues his/her education. Is this the reason why fewer percentage of college graduates attend the grad school right after college no matter what college he/she attends?
I’m with abasket. We shop at Sam’s Club and stock up on things like shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant, etc. It just seems silly to me for them to pay the higher prices at CVS/Walgreen’s for an individual tube of toothpaste when they can just grab, say, a shrink-wrapped 6-pack of toothpaste that we have sitting around, that’s at a much cheaper cost per unit.
D’s an avid cook (I’m not) and so she’s slowly clearing us out of things like muffin pans and so forth which aren’t getting used anyway around here so better she use them 
I can well imagine having to pay 25% of my take home pay for a necessity like tires–that was my 20’s, pretty much. I don’t think that’s something kids necessarily need to be protected from.
My S is not currently in school (no degree). We still pay his car insurance, cell phone, and health insurance. He bought his own new tires a couple of months ago. I’m sure that was a hit to his finances. Such is life.
My two kids both were able to get great jobs right out of college. They live on their own and pay all their expenses. Both have incredible benefits including cell phone plans and most meals paid by their employers. We pay for a weekly dinner out and an occasional family vacation.
I had a decent place to live at low rent in college, law school and as a young professional. I was able to pay all my expenses, plus buy a new car with cash with my job as a new attorney. I graduated from law school owing the exact amount in loans that I had in my savings account. I was counseled to pay it off quarterly to build credit, as the interest j earned was higher than the 3% simple interest on the loan.
Our S rents a very nice condo he pays for out of his salary. I wouldn’t mind living there. It’s much nicer than any of the student housing places he lived in. He saves a lot of money and is good with his finances.
I haven’t seen D’s apartment but suspect it’s decent but not great (based on her prior lidgings, price and description). She and her room mate live frugally but OK. We remind her not to skimp on med and dental and are fine paying whatever it takes for her to have the best health and dental.
I think most of us in the “olden days” graduated without personal debt, so our parents had an easier time letting us take some financial knocks. Now, knowing they are already tens of thousands in debt, it’s a little harder to just let them sink or swim knowing how close sinking is.
I would a scrub floors so my kids could have health insurance if needed.
FYI:
https://www.tiaainstitute.org/public/pdf/gflec_overview_millennials_personal_finances_feb2014.pdf
I got married 3 days after college graduation, so at least H and I had combined low-salaries. But we were entirely on our own - covered all bills, rent, car payments, insurance, and college loan payments. We even took a fairly nice honeymoon six months after the wedding that we paid for on our own. The only time we really felt poor was after our 2nd child was born and I wasn’t working. Lots of budgeting and scrimping. Lucky that our kids were too young to realize that most of their Christmas gifts were from garage sales.
Yep, my kids are living at a lower lifestyle than they did when they lived at home. But that’s the way it should be. They need to work for everything and build themselves up. H and I are just a safety net for emergencies and I know that we and they are lucky to have that!
My family’s culture is to take care of your family. It is up to my children whether they want to live at home after college, and even after I was married, I lived at my parent’s home for several months to avoid the cost of renting a short-term apartment. And I helped my parents out when I lived at home, just as all my siblings did when they lived at home before they were married.
The way I look at it, if the parents aren’t living hand to mouth and the kids are pitching in on chores as they did in high school (things like snow shoveling and mowing the lawn, raking leaves, cleaning their rooms and bathrooms), what is the harm?
The most important things for my children are:
- get started on establishing credit at the start of college if possible, right after obtaining a full-time job if not
- if they live with us, they help out with housework and other tasks, and also not be a burden in any way (call if you will be really late or will be away for days)
- if they can’t find work in their field locally, facilitate them looking regionally and nationally
The problem is if you have an unemployed child who expects you to pay their bills, and also expects not to work unless they find the perfect job in their field and at the pay they want.
“the way it should be” depends on the family and the values you grow up with. We are now a safety net for emergencies for our parents because they did what they could to support us when we needed it. And I also contributed a lot more money into the marriage than my spouse, and it has been paid back many times over.
As for previous generations having less debt, I don’t think many really poor folks like my spouse went to college so of course there was less debt. Now poor kids are recruited, and there is 100% grant funding available at many Ivies for the poorest.
I know that although my parents and his parents did little to support us after college graduation, we always knew we could move in with one set or the other if we had to. And I did for a few months years after I graduate college. If parents and their kids don’t get along, of course that is totally different. So now people like my friend are extremely hesitant to provide any care at all for their parents, because her parents weren’t there at a difficult time in their life. $50 for a taxi ride or $500 to help for a down payment would have become permanent care for elderly parents, and now there is only animosity.
Is it realistic for someone just starting one’s working life (or in graduate/professional school) to expect to have the probably higher living standard that his/her parents have in their middle-to-late-career peak earnings years, unless the parents are in much lower paying careers?
Really? I had debt, my H had debt. pretty much the equivalent of today’s in those dollars. I don’t think it was that uncommon.
Honestly, we didn’t give much thought to our kids’ post grad lifestyle, but hoped it would be comfortable enough. It was and is. S has chosen to develop a hobby that adds to his income because he likes having nice things in his life and is willing to put in extra time and energy to earn more.
I didn’t expect to be as comfortable as a new college grad or professional as my folks. My dad was in his prime earning years – why should I have had the same things decades before he had them?
“Is it realistic for someone just starting one’s working life (or in graduate/professional school) to expect to have the probably higher living standard that his/her parents have in their middle-to-late-career peak earnings years, unless the parents are in much lower paying careers?”
I think you know the answer already, ucb.
There is a difference between affluent middle-to-late career parents doing nice things for their kids, and affluent middle-to-late career parents giving their kids the SAME LIVING STANDARDS that the kids just came out of - which might include a big home in the suburbs, trips overseas, etc.
@garland - I agree .I too had debt. It took me ten years to pay off my student loan…
My youngest is on our cell phone plan and we’ve paid for her health insurance, because she’s an actor. While she supports herself between acting gigs by working three part-time jobs, we wanted to make sure she had health insurance. She is 26 and could no longer stay on a family plan so we pay for an individual policy with a large deductible and also pay for any medical expenses that she may have before she meets the deductible–she is healthy and never reaches the deductible. She is going to grad school and moving to Providence (for school) in the summer. We will help with apartment deposits as needed. She has no loans and is much more frugal than I was at her age. We dont mind helping her; she’s very grateful for the help and doesnt have an entitled attitude.
This topic is very interesting to me. For oldest DD I pay only for her cell phone plan and my younger DD is also on that plan. It seems silly for them to even go out and get a Tracfone at $30 a month when their lines only add to my plan by $15 a month each.
As soon as oldest DD was able to get a better health plan than the one she has with me (when she was on an assistantship for grad school) we took her off mine. My youngest DD is still on mine as she is a ballet dancer and works a couple of other odd jobs that do not provide insurance. It costs me nothing more to have her on my plan as we would have to have the Family plan anyway. That said, she feels free to use my HSA card to pay for even a $5 prescription and when I mentioned last fall that she needs to start paying for her Dr. copays, contacts, scripts, etc herself she got very touchy and said she will have to start “saving up” then. She has a lot of money in the bank for a 21 year old (she works in part time jobs that pay very well in tips - being a dancer in a ballet company does not pay much lol) so I don’t feel too sorry.
Outside of that, I helped oldest DD out with some recent moving expenses. She is a teacher but only half time and works a second job.
They pay all student loans, car insurance, and the rest of their bills. I work with a lot of Gen Y’ers who are college graduates and are still on their parents’ health insurance, cell plans, car insurance, and live at home. I guess considering all of that I would say my kids are not so well off lol.
D works at a job she loves, but the pay is modest. She is on our cell plan and was on our health insurance (very low cost to us) until recently. She now uses her company’s plan so she can cover SIL. They are both pretty frugal, and she contributes to her 401K but they live in NYC. We like to help them out. When D and I go shopping, I almost buy her something. If we go for something to eat or get our nails done, I pick up the tab. When she needed snow boots last winter, I bought them.
I am happy to help them out. My parents did the same for us.
I know what you mean and agree with you in principle, if we are really affluent middle-to-late career parents and have a relatively high living standard (we are not.) As an example, as far as I can remember, for the last half a dozen times we ate out, we ate out at a fast food joint. We also very rarely take a vacation and rarely eat out at a mid-priced (or even lower priced) restaurant where the customers are served. We just do not want our kid to live at a living standard lower than this. I think our son has been most likely more frugal than the most of his classmates already.