I forgot to mention St Johns. Full of quirky kids. Two locations NM and MD I believe.
Quirky maybe. But the three kids I know well are the opposite of socially awkward. Two are outdoorsy types who did work at camps and nature centers summers and after they graduated. The other is still there, but sheās kind of a party girl.
I know someone on the spectrum who went to Roger Williams and had a lot of support. Sheās about 2 years out and is in really in remarkable shape given how awkward she was as a kid.
@techmom99 Thank you for understanding and recognizing that my son has a neurological issue and isnāt simply immature. His difficulties with social cues have improved as heās matured and spent more time socializing with neurotypical kids but he still has enough of a deficit that I worry about how he will do socially in college. My son was also diagnosed with Aspbergerās back when it was a diagnosis. I find, however, that if I mention that when asking a question the responses mostly come back with suggestions for resources to help him with schoolwork but my bigger concern is his emotional and social well being as he does well in school and doesnāt need much help academically.
@rickle1 thank you, I appreciate your thoughts about rooming alone for an introvert. Itās something weāve been thinking about for a while. You reassurance that college isnāt as socially brutal as HS really eases my mind too.
Sounds like a kid on the spectrumā¦my oldest is as well. My advice: Take whatever your sonās interest is and make sure there is a tribe at the school that does it. (For my son, it was distance running.) The other thing we didā¦and this is counterintuitiveā¦is had him go into the social dorm versus a quiet dorm.The dorms are all singles so when he needs āquietā he can have itā¦but it has been impossible not to get involved with other kids. This has been tremendous for himā¦things he shied away from before and now more comfortable.
All of that said, figure out the type of school for your son (big vs. small, urban/college town/rural) and then make sure they have what he likes to do and wants to study. Best of luck!
One more add. My aspie nephew went to Purdue. His parents lived in an adjacent town. He ended up with the big merit award I think Presidential and majored in math. He had a single after freshman year and came home on weekends which worked well for him. Graduated last year and is a high school math teacher.
Strangely enough, @momofthreeboys when my son and I saw a picture of a student walking across Kalamazoo College campus in the same banana costume that he owns, we laughed and said it was a sign, or at least I did. Heās in his second year there now.
In New England, Hampshire, Bennington, Middlebury, and Marlboro are all places where a quirky kid doesnāt raise eyebrows.
If he needs spectrum support then check out RIT:
https://www.rit.edu/studentaffairs/student-learning/spectrum-support-program
RiT, Allegheny, Mercyhurst. All supportive.
What kinds of majors is he interested in?
If your child is on the spectrum, might as well just say it, rather than making us wonder why you havenāt gotten an obvious Aspie diagnosed.
My Aspie son is back at Kalamazoo College. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and he was looking at colleges, he also liked Beloit. Both colleges appear to be accepting of socially awkward kids, and both have good merit awards for top students.
My sonās a freshman at UCONN, which also has a special support program for kids on the spectrum. So far, so good, not without hiccups, but he has friends already. They play D&D on their dorm floor.
I agree with what was said above, that in college, you find those who āget youā.
My middle child is a sophomore in college and he is on the spectrum. Like your son, he has had good test scores and good grades. He enjoyed fine arts-related ECās in high school. Heās living in an honors dorm again this year.
Last year was a learning experience for all of us. What became apparent was the impact social language/ pragmatic skills had on his ability to learn and on his ability to demonstrate that knowledge. DS struggled with approaching his professors to discuss his performance on quizzes and tests; while he was able to do this in high school, the skill did not generalize smoothly to the college environment. Being a part of the universityās bands helped him to meet other students and he enjoyed that. In a nutshell, the āsocial awkwardnessā due to being on the autism spectrum affected both his social life and his academic life. We had overestimated his ability to transition to this environment. I felt worried and frustrated.
Hereās what we did: over the summer we had him retested across multiple domains. This was basically the same process as when he was a preschooler and diagnosed by a multidisciplinary team at a childrenās hospital specialty clinic. We werenāt looking to revise his autism diagnosis. Our goal was to obtain current information on all areas contributing to academic and social functioning. He was assessed for depression and anxiety as well. This took a few visits to complete but he ended up with a comprehensive report that was submitted to the universityās Office of Accessibility. This has been a game-changer. By submitting this documentation and requesting the recommended accommodations/supports, DS now meets with an advisor/coach every other week. The university granted every accommodation request; some he has not used but theyāre available if needed. He is rapidly learning to navigate college life and self-advocateā¦because being diagnosed with autism is part of who DS is and he is owning it. I feel encouraged that heāll build the academic and social skills to have a career. We are now seeing skills generalize to peer relationships and my son seems genuinely happy. Heās joined a group run for and by faculty, staff and students on the spectrum.
So I guess the moral of my story is, I wish weād had the foresight put official supports and documentation in place a year earlier.
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@MamabearOH, what college does your son attend?
OP ā there seems to be a lot of good advice here. In addition, itās good to remember that while he may be āon the spectrumā itās also true that he is still developing neurologically. His brain wonāt fully be developed for several more years. One approach (which weāve taken) is to allow our DS to take time, lots of time, before attending college. We jokingly call it a āgap decadeā though itās only been about two years thus far. This period has given him a chance to grow and change without concerning himself with academics. In removing the time-pressure of: āYou have to go to college NOW!ā it seems to help him relax and start to grow. Heās had time to focus on the practical and social side of life ā getting a job, supporting himself (for a full year), practical problem solving, self-advocacy, paying rent. And learning how to hold conversations that others want to participate in.
We allot a specific time for him to focus only on his area of interest each day ā that is a time when he also goes running with mom ā he can hold forth during that time, guilt free, no questions asked, no holds barred, all systems go! Itās sort of a reward for running, too. Makes the exercise fun. On the days when he chooses not to run, we are supportive and understanding that he needs the rest. We all do, but are necessarily limited in how much he can talk to us about his obsession. Literally we are busy and just donāt have the time. Itās a natural thing. When he launches I listen politely for a little while and gently say: thatās a great topic for tomorrowās run. That gives him incentive to go the next day. He also has online friends to ātalkā with about his obsession. The other times we remind him that he needs to talk with others about whatever they want to talk about, no matter how boring to him ā as we all can experience a slight boredom when we allow others to hold forth. Listening is love. Getting him to run, was a slow process involving patience. He mostly walked for several years, running a few feet at a time until those joined together to a solid run.
This process has worked wonders in terms of both him staying in shape and also becoming a fully functioning member of the social world. And the physical exercise also helps him feel attractive and keeps his moods lifted ā so thereās that. Running is a naturally calming activity. It lowers anxiety.
He can now get through dinners with others piping in appropriate tid-bits of information to support whatever topic is being discussed. No holding forth. No reverting the convo back to his personal obsession. This time with him, these extra years, have been invaluable.
I echo Beloit, Earlham, Knox, Hampshire, RIT, Bennington, Marlboro, and add Goucher and Drew U to the mix.
There are other small colleges that you may want to explore depending on his interests ā Green Mountain in VT, Champlain College (computer-related stuff); Unity in Maine, Emerson ā if heās interested in story and writing;
^^@Dustyfeathers: Breathtaking. Again.
I donāt think the smaller schools are always the best for social searching kids. If there are only 400 kids in a class, there might not be a match for a peer group. I know a couple of kids with autism or ADHD who did much better at a large school where they could āget lostā in the courses they didnāt want to participate in and yet there was a big enough population to find a group of friends.