My son is a junior who is a good student with good test scores (not Ivy League good but U Mass Amherst or UVM good) but is socially awkward. He wants friends but also needs time to himself. He does some things that put people off like talking to himself while watching a movie or TV or not understanding when someone isn’t as interested in a particular subject as he is. He doesn’t need academic support but he does need a supportive, accepting environment. How do you find out what the student body at a particular college is like? Are there resources I’m not aware of that give information about schools other than statistics on acceptance rates, number of undergrads, and that sort of thing? I’m looking for information about where a kid with an offbeat personality might fit in.
Just seems as though you son needs to mature a bit as he shows a lack of understanding of others. He wants to be accepted & understood for who he is now, but does not understand that others may have different interests than his.
I think that just about any college or university will do as he will be required to interact with, and to respect, others.
Supportive schools I have encountered University of Puget Sound,. St Olaf, Whitman, College of Wooster. All of those have lots of merit aid for good students. Also look for schools where freshman can get a single so he has a place to retreat!
I’d start perusing sites like Unigo and Niche who have reviews by students. I’d also start noting what types of words might fit your son as you read the reviews. Offbeat and socially awkward as you mentioned are common. Quirky and unique are others. I’d also watch Youtube videos from the college’s channel (sometimes show how they market themselves or what they emphasize) and vlogs like a “Day in the life of a X student” sometimes give you a walkthrough of a students day.
We were attracted to Knox College because of one of their marketing videos, as we saw someone walking to class in a Pikachu hat (ears and all) and students expressing awkward moments of joy. We liked Beloit marketing videos because they showed lots of funny squirrel videos and some superhero video where the staff was goofy.
Most of the Midwest CTCL’s LACs would be good fit, including mentioned Knox, Beloit, Olaf, etc. may also give aid for “geographic diversity-boy”.
Yes Kalamazoo would be worth a look too. I don’t think they get many kids who dress in costume to go to class but a diverse and tight campus culture.
I would begin with his passions–what does he enjoy doing as if he can pinpoint a few activities he enjoys, he can then find colleges that have those activities by way of clubs, frats, organizations and/or course majors. That’s where he’ll find his core group of friends. Also your child can work in that capacity on campus. For example if your child really likes animals and chooses a college that specializes in that study in some way–he can join an animal-related club and then perhaps work in the capacity of caring for animals in a lab or elsewhere. Once you identify his passions and interests, then you can begin looking at colleges through that lens.
Kalamazoo, Knox, Earlham, Wooster, Lawrence – we saw lots of quirky, nerdy kids. Blue hair at Kzoo, guy in a skirt at Knox, Wooster kids playing online "dorky (said with affection, as I recognized the game bc my kids played it) game during lunch in the cafe. All of those seemed to have cultures which are very accepting of kids who are not cookie cutter.
I agree with all of the above suggestions and that the “Colleges That Change Lives” (CTCLs) and similar schools would be his best bet. As noted above, Midwestern LACs tend to be relatively generous with merit aid.
There have been some recent threads on CC on quirky and intellectual schools. Maybe you could use the search function above to find those.
Also, I’d suggest that once he is all set at a school he arrange to meet with someone in college counseling. It’s really a good advice for many students to establish a mentoring relationship with a counselor to talk things out as they adjust to living in a new place with many new faces. Then if there are challenges, he would have someone he knows and hopefully trusts, and it doesn’t seem like such a big deal to go get help. Really, this would be a good idea for many students. It’s equally true for tutoring. Often the most successful students are the ones who start working with tutors before they start to have trouble in the classroom.
Are there any financial constraints? What’s your state or region? I’d be a little more interested in being within a day’s drive for a student who I might think would face some extra challenges in adjusting to college (speaking from personal experience).
Good luck!
You get bang for the buck in the midwest, but rest assured the NE will chime in on this thread so stay tuned. By mentioning a Mass school and Vermont it leads me to believe you are in the NE.
Hampshire? I have a cousin attending who is very much like your child. He’s very happy and doing very well.
I agree with CTCL lists. Take a look at Susquehanna in Pennsylvania. My D almost went there. Another friend’s S who is socially awkward had a great experience there.
Bennington College might be the perfect fit.
I agree with the CTCL recommendation especially Beloit and Juniata
The OP’s son sounds like he might be on the spectrum and, if he is, his inability to read and grasp social cues is a hallmark of the syndrome and not a sign of immaturity, although maturity and exposure to neuro-typical people can help a great deal in developing social skills or at least grasping enough to understand what behavior is expected and how to do it. One of the things that helped my Aspie son develop relatively “normal” social ability was the presence of 4 younger siblings and their friends in my house on a regular basis.
^ completely agree.
Seek out a Social Language assessment through your health insurance. He sounds like he may have be eligible for social skills therapy if he qualifies.
He also pinged my Asperger’s radar. (My son has Asperger’s, so it’s possible I’m overly inclined to see it.) So, yes on schools with quirky, etc student bodies. But also very much yes on social skills therapy. I’m personally a big fan of speech-language pathologists who have trained with Michele Garcia Winner.
Being with other people is hard work for aspies and even more so for introverted aspies. It doesn’t mean they don’t like other people or don’t want to spend time with them, but they NEED time alone to regroup and relax. A diagnosis (assuming that it fits your son, obviously I don’t know based on what you’ve said) and an appropriate letter from a therapist will likely qualify your son for a single as an accommodation.
My older son is very introverted and needs a lot of alone time. but he really likes being around kids who share his interests. In high school this meant he did Science Olympiad and Academic Team. If your kid is a math/CS type he’ll find plenty of kids like him in engineering departments/tech schools. My son went to Carnegie Mellon and had more friends that he’d ever had in his life there. He spent a lot of time hanging out in the computer clusters where kids played board and card games, and talked about video games and anime.
I just want to add the Pacific Northwest area is chuck full of similar type people. Plenty of aspies and apsie like people out here. UW has quite a few. I am also the parent of an aspie D who is hopefully going to UW in a few years for CS.
The good news is unlike HS where kids can be brutally cruel, college tends to be an atmosphere to grow, pursue interests without all the cliques. In essence, everyone gets a fresh start to become who they want. Even if he remains “withdrawn” there will be others (many) with a similar personality where he can find community on his terms. The dorm thing is tricky as there are many benefits (growth oriented) in rooming with someone, learning to deal with others in an intimate setting, etc. You know your kid. If that would really make him miserable (not just scared / anxious initially where he would adjust), speak to housing officials at schools of interest to see what can be done. Just be aware that am introverted kid living alone is likely to withdraw from the activity surrounding him. Too easy to just short the door and shut out the world.
Best of luck. Not an easy situation to deal with.