Finding meaning in life

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I am feely weepy and need the support of my cc friends. I have the incense and candles burning, country music playing, and a bottle of red wine with nobody to share it with. S1 is in Brazil. S2 is in Myrtle Beach with friends. H is at Yoga and then lifting weights. I was expecting to have an international exchange student from China this year and that fell through today because our high school is apparently already at its limit for foreign exchange students. I “retired” in Feb. of this year and am trying to become a volunteer with the Girl Scouts. I think that will work out, but they need four references and the first question on the reference form asks the reference to rate my understanding of children. All of my references are work related and they wouldn’t have a clue how I relate to children. I really don’t know anybody outside of work. I guess my real fear is that I don’t relate to children very well, but I led a Cadette and Senior girl scout troop when I was in college and grad school (and was a Girl Scout growing up), so I thought I could do this. </p>

<p>I can’t believe how hard it is to find something meaningful to do. I should feel lucky that I have enough money to retire early and do whatever I want. But I am really having trouble figuring this out. I know I hated what I have done for a living for the past 25 years. I love not working and have no problem filling up the day with exercise, cleaning, and reading, but want to give something back and am just having trouble getting there from here. Just feeling sad and useless as I listen to Willy Nelson.</p>

<p>Is anybody else struggling with this midlife crisis thing?</p>

2

<p>Take your time. Something perfect for you will pop up when you least expect it. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do some fun things. Exercise, go to the beach, take hikes. After a long career (and one you didn’t like) there is nothing wrong with spending a little time on yourself. Turn off the Willie Nelson and put on some Brad Paisley!</p>

3

<p>I’ve found tutoring at youth shelter, and listening on a crisis hotline, to be meaningful and satisfying.</p>

4

<p>H is home, so have switched to Tom Jones. Maybe not much better. I will have to find some some Brad Paisley. H says he knows him. Thanks.</p>

5

<p>Go to the library or bookstore and find some of Barbara Sher’s books, she is a career counselor who specializes in helping retired people find their second “careers”. She is funny and makes alot of good sense. She had a PBS special a few years ago that really got us to thinking about this subject on a very positive note, you can probably find it on DVD. Things will get better!</p>

6

<p>retiring is good… just relax all day…lol</p>

7

<p>NY Times today- maybe something will interest you.
June 17, 2008, 6:28 pm
Options for Those Non-Retiring Boomers
By Marci Alboher</p>

<p>A few months ago, I interviewed Marc Freedman, founder of Civic Ventures, about the rising number of people trading retirement for public service work in the second half of life. In the blog post that accompanied that column, I wrote a line that I have now decided to amend. What I wrote was this: “It will take a lot more than one man, one organization and one book to make his visions a reality for the millions of people who want to do something meaningful in their later years, but may not have the means.”
As it turns out, there are many people and organizations offering resources and opportunities to those who want to reinvent, reinvigorate, give back or do anything but sit still.
Mr. Freedman concedes that not everyone will be in a position to shift immediately to what he calls “encore careers.” Some will need a period of planning and saving first, which he says can take as long as 10 years. And even then, many will want to figure out how to do good work without giving up an income. Here he sees a kind of market failure. “I’m worried that most people aren’t going to succeed in going from their aspirations to action,” he said. “Even though labor shortages exist in health care, education and the nonprofit sector, supply and demand have not been finding each other nearly to the degree possible or desirable.”
For those looking for opportunities to combine meaningful work with an income, Mr. Freedman recommends visiting the sites of Bridgestar and Idealist, which offer job posting and search advice on jobs in the nonprofit sector and Common Good Careers, which focuses on jobs in social entrepreneurship.
Readers also offered some resources that might be helpful to people seeking to explore mid- or later-in-life reinventions, including these three books: “Retire Retirement,” “Don’t Retire, Rewire” and “Too Young to Retire.” They also recommended the Next Chapter initiative (a program affiliated with Civic Ventures that works with community groups across the country to help experienced adults retrain themselves to find opportunities in the nonprofit sector), and Executive Service Corps (a nationwide network of nonprofit organizations seeking volunteers).
If you have more resources to share, please do so in the comments.</p>

8

<p>How about helping adults learn to read??</p>

<p>I’m very excited about volunteering with our local Literacy Volunteers Program. I can’t think of many things that would be as gratifying as opening the door to reading & literacy for adults who have spent their whole lives without it. (And there’s no “relating to children” issue).</p>

<p>You said you don’t know people outside of work - just think! So many people you haven’t met yet just waiting for you to come into their lives! The world is your oyster now! Pick a club or group and dive in! So many to choose from! What do you like to do? Reading, gardening, excercise, art, music, drama, photography, cake decorating, cooking, travel, writing, wine, dogs, cars… the list is endless and just about every interest has some kind of group of people who love it too! And thru the group or club you might find a way to turn your interest into something that gives you gratification (i.e. volunteering at a school, teaching a class, contributing to a book or project, etc.).</p>

<p>Boy, lots of people would love to be in the situation you’re in right now - you can do WHATEVER you want!! Go have some FUN!</p>

9

<p>I keep a “secret” list when someday I might be in the position (financially and kid-wise) to follow my heart. Would love to take flying lessons, would settle for a couple trips up in a bi-plane, though! Also have some acreage to grow grapes and would love, love to take a few laps around a race track. Of course if my boys have their wish it would be on a practice track in their backyard!</p>

<p>Also have some stories written for a few children’s books but nothing formal, just stories my kiddos’ loved while growing up and I jotted them down for safe keeping. Also would like to travel to some different locales and see some libraries that are beautiful on the inside and just sit. And sit.</p>

<p>Also learn how to really use my telescope and what I am REALLY looking at. Take a watercolor class at the local rec around the corner from my house.</p>

<p>Kiddos told me to start with baby steps on some of my “list”. So I did, a little. Went out and bought books by Clinton, McCain and Obama. Read them and then am in the process of meeting them for each to sign. 2 down, 1 to go. Baby steps.</p>

<p>Going in October up to Nova Scotia by way of Maine because I have never been there and had no reason to go. So, going with absolutely no reason to do so. My previous non-existant rose garden now has blooms. Big ones. Baby steps.</p>

<p>Bought a cake cook book. Only cakes. Bake one and give it to neighbors or family. It has been a lot of fun, more than I even thought. Baby steps.</p>

<p>Was so used to do so much for my 5 kiddos and the youngest graduating next year has left me a lot of extra time. Our adoption case worker has gotten wind of my “emptying” household and is making noises that I could so easily increase my household size again! Hmmmmmmmm…between the 4 dogs, 2 cats and Mr. Rabbit it is still kinda full. But you never know…it is on the list…</p>

<p>The meaning is in the joy, fun, sadness, surprise of each little thing you do each and every day. The joy and fun is exponential if you share it with others. I know our local Boys and Girls club and the high school in our not-so-upscale area always needs help. Always. Kiddos help out when they can when they are home on break and manage to get me to commit as well!</p>

<p>Just wanted to share with the OP.</p>

<p>Kat
ps I love, just love Keith Urban mixed with some Glen Campbell and Mac Davis!</p>

10

<p>A couple of years ago, feeling the need to “give something back,” I went to Amazon.com and started searching for wish lists for organizations that I wanted to support. I looked for things like “school” and “library” and “county” in the names of people with wish lists. I specifically focused on my home state, which is not where I live now, because the taxpayers back home were there for me at a couple of key points in my life.</p>

<p>I found a group that does work that I think is important and that had an Amazon wish list and a website with a wish list there. Those things made it easy for me to collect things over periods of time and then mail them off when I have enough to fill a box. For example, one of the things they do is provide new clothes to children who live in poverty. I spend some time trying to find sales and trying to get a sense of what is fashionable in different age groups so that I can stretch my money the best I can. I found a few pairs of jeans for $4.99 each the other day. They’ll go in the next box.</p>

<p>I get thank-you notes (and I like getting them, I admit), but that’s not why I do it. I do it because I am lucky enough to be able to, because it is a way for me to support something that I think is good and because the opportunities for me to contribute in the way that I want where I live just aren’t there. It does feel meaningful to me. I feel as if I’m making a little bit of a difference to parents who cannot afford to buy their children new clothes and to children who don’t often get anything new.</p>

<p>And it started with me messing around with Amazon’s wish lists. Sometimes it’s easier to find stuff if you’re looking in weird places.</p>

11

<p>I suggest reading Pema Chodron’s book, “When Things Fall Apart,” which provides an empathic description of what you’re going through.</p>

<p>I also suggest getting back in touch with yourself through meditation. Taking some time to be still and get to know how your mind works will help you to connect again with the essential part of yourself that has been neglected due to all of the responsibilities that you had while working, going to school, and rearing kids.</p>

<p>After I went through this process, I reconnected with a part of myself I’d long ago forgotten ever existed – the artist part of myself. This rediscovery has been amazing.</p>

<p>I’m also doing a lot of things that I was interested in when I was young, but either didn’t have the confidence to do or didn’t have the time or opportunity. These things range from acting to dancing to photography. In school, I was the kid whom the art teachers ignored. Now, though, I’m finding that I take pictures that people admire. To my surprise one of my pictures is even the entire inside cover of a nationally-distributed magazine.</p>

<p>Anyway, use this precious time to rediscover yourself and expand your conception of what you’re capable of doing and what the world has to offer.</p>

<p>Hugs to you.</p>

12

<p>There is a time to wallow and a time to have a good time ;)</p>

<p>First things first.
Do things that lift your spirits, when you are down it is hard to think clearly.
Make sure you are rested, hydrated, fed & exercised.
If you still are sad but it isn’t physical watch a Fish called Wanda- or La Cage Aux Folles :smiley:
I have also found the ( book) Color Purple & the memoir Lucky Man to be inspirational.</p>

<p>You must have gone through some sort of screening process to host an exchange student, is there anyone that can give you recommendations in that area></p>

13

<p>TheAnalyst, when D was looking for volunteer opportunities, we found that VolunteerMatch ([VolunteerMatch</a> - Where Volunteering Begins](<a href=“http://www.volunteermatch.org%5DVolunteerMatch”>http://www.volunteermatch.org) ) was very helpful. Very legitimate places (libraries, city halls, etc.) place ads for volunteers on this site. We found a cat shelter that was willing to take a 14-yr old to clean cat boxes and socialize with kitties (they do not do it anymore for liability reasons :(), a bunch of art-related projects in our area, etc. Do not give up your quest.
As for midlife crisis, I once in a while dream of a shiny Harley Davidson, but then I think about how noisy those bikes are and that my hearing is not what it used to be, and the dream goes away. May be a Vespa scooter someday.</p>

14

<p>There are lots of good suggestions here. I am going to print this thread out and work through a lot of these ideas. I love to read so all the book suggestions are great. Thank you everybody.</p>