<p>Yes, Ishould have qualified my statement as American.</p>
<p>Most Korean businessman attempt to meet Americans with a handshake and eye contact. It’s not their custom but they attempt to bridge the gap.</p>
<p>I might greet them with a handshake–but bow to them as they leave the room. Global manners. It’s a bit muddled.</p>
<p>A handshake is one of many nonverbal behaviors that we use to make assessments about people in business and social situations. We used to practice the art of handshaking with the kids when they were growing up. Firm handshake - not too tight, not too long. </p>
<p>D often deliberately uses an extra wimpy handshake when she meets people she doesn’t like - and gets a secret satisfaction from seeing their reaction.</p>
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I rarely make posts like this, and I don’t mean to be offensive, but this is very off putting to me. First of all, it shows that she has already judged these people to be unworthy of her time before they have even formally met. Second, it shows to me that she does not respect herself enough to behave in a way that’s befitting her. She is being purposefully impolite and is deliberately ignoring social convention in order to hopefully turn off someone who she is meeting for the first time. She should have standards for her own behavior–such as being kind, generous, or gracious–that she lives up to all situations in her daily life. Being polite (which generally includes reserving judgment, and generally includes shaking hands in the socially accepted manner) should be one of those standards for behavior that’s really a given, in almost any situation.</p>
<p>Sorry - but I disagree with your judgment. This is an age when they experiment with both verbal and nonverbal behaviors in a variety of new situations. I don’t see how her experimenting with different handshakes is any different than Mr. Bojangles using the 45-degree tilt to give the message of one-upmanship, when he wants to assert dominance.</p>
<p>It’s different because she is trying to turn people off from her by changing her normal behavior (Mr. B is trying to assert a certain position in the relationship). It shows that she doesn’t care how she appears to a certain group of people. My problem is mainly that she has pre-judged these people as being unlikeable and unworthy. My other problem is that she feels fine with changing her behavior for this group of people. It troubles me that she feels fine acting purposefully impolite, thereby misrepresenting herself. </p>
<p>Further, it doesn’t sound as if this is simply social experimentation. You said that your daughter 1) does this with people she doesn’t like, and 2) gets satisfaction from seeing their reaction. She knows what the polite convention is, and she is purposefully acting differently. She is doing this with the intention of turning people off, so she apparently knows what the usual reaction is. How is that experimentation?</p>
<p>I completely agree with Corranged’s assessment of your D’s behavior, Anymom. It anecdotally confirms what I wrote as being objectionable about a limp, cold fish handshake. It is insulting (at least in American culture). I don’t think there’s any reason to take pride in being purposefully (yet oh-so-slyly) insulting . It’s very passive aggressive.</p>