<p>Anyone could do that. I don’t understand how it’s supposed to show confidence. People know that a firm handshake is <em>supposed</em> to show they’re confident, thus they shake other people’s hands firmly even when they’re not really confident. Also, the act itself (of shaking hands firmly) doesn’t even show confidence in my opinion. Some people have shaken my hand sooo firmly that, to me, it showed all the more that they’re insecure, unconfident, unprofessional, lack proper etiquette, and conform to what they’re told without knowing how to execute it the right way. I’d rather have people shake my hands normally and show their confidence in other ways. I judge each handshake separately, along with other factors, to determine if the firmness is actually genuine and sincere. </p>
<p>What impression do you get when people shake your hands firmly?</p>
<p>Moderately firm, fine. Squeeze too hard, tells me it’s a powerplay. The problem is that it’s up to the squeezer to know what’s too much. What works on the golf course with another stock broker will hurt the hands of someone who’s not into that “grab first and grab hardest” thing. I’m a pretty good sized woman and have strong hands and have been amazed at the crushing some dads will give at school meetings. Tells me a lot about the man right there.</p>
<p>handshakes are an important part of business. </p>
<p>I physically back away from a limp handshake. Offering a limp hand is a sign of hesitation and ambivalence. </p>
<p>I like a firm, long hand-shake delivered with a genuine smile. That suggests a lack of fear and an openess to intimacy to me. An openess to intimate relations suggests an openess to loyalty. Loyalty, men and women who will obsess about building my work to high standards, is key to my success.</p>
<p>So, how are you able to differentiate between a candidate who offers a firm handshake and a seemingly genuine smile but who is actually unconfident and unloyal and a candidate who offers both and is actually genuine and sincere?</p>
<p>Why are handshakes as opposed to hugs an important part of business? Isn’t a hug more suggestive of “a lack of fear and an openess to intimacy” and consequently (as you say) loyalty?</p>
<p>OK. I had to think for a second, but generally I take a step forward with one foot toward the other person, smile, look in their eye, and shake their hand relatively firmly. My grip strength is in response to the other person. I don’t shake hands the same way with a large man with a tight grip as I do with a woman who has a loose grasp and a small hand.</p>
<p>You can’t tell everything from a handshake. I don’t think anyone is saying that. But it is a key part of a first impression, and first impressions can be very important and influencial. It’s worth it to make yourself appear the way you want to appear, and that often includes acting confident, comfortable, and transparent (in some business situations you may have other goals, of course–you may want to appear cold and closed off on purpose, for instance).</p>
<p>I am of the opinion that confidence is hard to fake. People who are not confident generally are not confident enough to fake being so! I think confidence is one of the easier things to tell about a person right away. Making eye contact easily, looking happy and open, standing up straight or looking comfortable, and being able to shake hands firmly all add to the appearence of self assurance. There are obviously limits to what you can read at first meeting. Someone can seem kind and generous and down to earth and turn out to be a you-know-what, but those are the types of things you tend to find out later in a relationship. It takes more than a handshake to get to know a person.</p>
<p>The United States is a pretty reserved country in terms of physical affection. Because of this, a hug between strangers–especially in a business situation–would be very inappropriate. In other cultures, kisses are commonly exchanged upon first meeting, but this would be highly unusual in American business. This is particularly true between two men. American men usually like to keep boundaries with other men, and they may feel that platonic kisses or hugs cross lines that they do not want to cross. In social situations, kisses on the cheek or hugs between two women or between a man and a woman are not uncommon, but you rarely see this between two men. It’s all a part of reading comfort levels, expectations, and social cues. You’ll find that different groups of people have different expectations. For example, gay men greet each other and others with a kiss on the cheek much more often than straight men do, people in different parts of the country are more likely to greet each other with a hug than in other areas of the country, etc. Part of being confident is being comfortable and able to handle different expectations for greeting.</p>
<p>It could be influenced by different culture too. I had a very limb handshake from an Asian guy, I did interpret anything as much. I also had one guy refused to shake my hands(because I’m femaie) due to religious reason. I did not mind either.</p>
<p>Being greeted with a limp (dead fish) handshake is extremely offensive to me. It implies that you really would rather not shake my hand, if you could avoid it. It says you think I might have “kooties”. A limp handshake is often accompanied by a reluctance to make eye contact, and an anemic smile at best. None of these signals sends the message that you are pleased to meet me. </p>
<p>You may not be able to reliably gage a person’s self-confidence by his handshake, but you can almost certainly gage his social openness by it.</p>
<p>Definitely. So we can’t assume from a handshake alone whether a person is confident or not, correct? In other words, a genuinely confident person could still give a limp handshake. What I’m saying is that people shouldn’t form conclusions based on a limp handshake alone, but people do that all the time because they are under the impression that firm handshakes add to one’s confidence. In my opinion, it does not. I have the same level of confidence regardless of whether I offer a firm handshake or not. It’s hard to avoid being judged based on this standard though, and what I’m saying is that this standard shouldn’t even exist.</p>
<p>I kiss some of my friends (both guys and girls) on the cheek sometimes, and they don’t mind. They think it’s cool.</p>
<p>Basically, in asking cheers about why hugs would be inappropriate and handshakes are not, I was essentially asking why Americans have developed this standard about physical affection. I would also like to find out how.</p>
<p>What if the person said “can I hug you instead”? What if the person believes that firm handshakes are oppressive? Would you be sensitive to or discriminate based on that ideology?</p>
<p>I think you are referring to American culture in general. In some other culture, I was told not to look at people directly.
I know American culture is a firm handshake and look at people directly.</p>
<p>Oh I know, and I like to give handshakes and look at people directly. I might be pleased to meet someone and maintain my level of self-confidence around him or her but not feel like shaking the person’s hand firmly. In this case, being true to my feelings means not shaking the person’s hand firmly. The person would likely draw conclusions from that, but I’m saying that that shouldn’t be the case.</p>
<p>I don’t really like handshakes at all but it’s a part of business. I don’t read anything into a handshake other than wonder how many germs the person has if they just flew in on an international flight. I don’t like a wimpy limp handshake but I don’t read anything into that either. I’ve noticed a number of people from certain countries will have wimpy shakes but I don’t think it really means anything.</p>
<p>I try to wash my hands as soon as possible after shaking someone’s hand.</p>
<p>^^I agree. I understand and accept the importance of handshaking in our culture, but I wish the practice had never gotten started. I especially wish this in the winter during cold and flu season. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen cold sufferers sneeze or cough into their hands and then a few seconds later reach to shake the hand of some unfortunate person they are greeting.</p>
<p>As for grips, I’ve always figured that guys with bone crushing handshakes have manhood problems that they are compensating for.</p>
Unless you are from Latin America. There it is a sign of deference to the other, as is looking away. A Latin American might consider it a play for dominance if you gave him a firm handshake.</p>
<p>Often in business when people shake hands, one person tends to turn their hand slightly over the other person’s. People normally shake with their right hands so its like tilting your hand to the left about 45 degrees. I like to do this in certain situations when I need to control the conversation…it’s worked quite well. A person can have a firm handshake, but get your hand over theirs and it shows you’re in the power position…or that the person is just easily social engineered</p>
<p>Germans shake hands as greeting. It is constant. We were often amused in restaurants to be seated near a group of teenagers - when a new youth came to join the group, he circled the table, greeting each other teen individually with a handshake. On my D’s birthday, she came home from school and said she had never shaken so many hands in her life. Every teacher and student who learned it was her birthday was obligated to shake her hand and wish her “alles gut zum Geburtstag”.</p>
<p>It became a joke with D’s violin teacher and me - because I am not used to shaking hands (not being in business) except on initial introduction. So I wouldn’t even realize until I observed him pulling his hand back that I had failed to shake his hand. I apologized each week, and finally by the end of the 3 years I was remembering to extend my hand. (At the beginning and end of each lesson.)</p>
<p>As an aside, I don’t think Germans become ill more than anyone else, so all that handshaking doesn’t seem to be a problem for them.</p>
<p>It is even more likely that a hug might not be appropriate for people of some cultural or religous persuasions- more so that a handshake. Being a woman, I’ve had a fair share of men (in my younger days) give me a “hug” with a little extra added in if you know what I mean. So no, I wouldn’t really want a business contact to hug me on first meeting.</p>
<p>But for some reason, if I were to come upon this type of thing, I would have no problem hugging a stranger:</p>
<p>There are some people I like so much that I don’t mind if I accidentally inhale their sneeze. I think that’s how I found out that I really liked them.</p>
<p>Anyway, that video was sweet. A couple of professional soccer players were actually giving out free hugs in the middle of the street, but only a few went up to hug them. I would have no problem hugging either if I felt like it.</p>