<p>My son and I are butting heads big time right now. I do not know if this is typical, or more likely the result of high functioning Autism. He used to see a counselor for life skills and such when he was in high school. Now, he has been in college a semester. But then again, he might just be being this way because he has been off at college and is irritated to be home for so long. </p>
<p>Basically, he is snapping at me, and even yelling at me, constantly it feels like. Every time I speak to him, he seems angry. I will even be talking on the phone, and he will correct me. I asked my husband where some cleaning supplies went, and he jumped in and started in on me about that. I called the orthodontist and he heard me say that my son thought his appointment was Tuesday and he got angry and started bellowing at me about that, while I was on the phone. He drove my car yesterday, with me riding along, and he was very reckless and driving way over the speed limit. I am not a slow driver by any means, but he was really tearing around. Ten minutes later, I was still shaking, and the drive was less than 2 miles (through town). </p>
<p>Today, he started to cook and I made a dumb joke, nothing insulting. Just, something dumb. He poured himself a cup of egg nog and left it on the counter and walked out of the room. I knew he was coming back likely and just outside the room so I said “yummy! egg nog! someone left it here so I guess I will drink it.” That was it. And he just blew up at me. Then he left and never ate any of the food he was making. He also left the egg nog out which led to my little one coming it and taking the egg nog and spilling it. </p>
<p>ANYWAY, is this a normal thing? Or, should I be looking at getting him back in with a counselor at college? Or maybe an issue with his medication? He swears he has been taking it (Celexa) but I suspect not. He has very high functioning autism.</p>
<p>I think you know this is not normal and that he needs to go back to his counselor.</p>
<p>How did his grades turn out? Is he still waiting? He needs to see the counselor regardless but I wonder if he is stressed out about his final grades and lashing out completely unacceptably as a result.</p>
<p>OP, does your son have trouble with transitions? this one is a biggie…getting used to college, and then coming home, and things feel “different.”</p>
<p>It might be “normal” for kids to be a little cranky when they come home, but what you describe is rude/bullying/unacceptable and even abusive. Don’t let the autism be an excuse for unacceptable behavior. Have you tried to talk to him (when he isn’t yelling at you) about this? Are you afraid of his reactions? When he is calm, you should sit down with him and list the unacceptable behaviors/reactions that you told us about, and tell them that they are unacceptable, and that he needs to speak to people–including, and especially, his parents–calmly and respectfully. That is what you will expect from now on.
As everyone else said–back to the counselor, and no driving if he can’t drive safely.
(I have a 20yo high-functioning autistic S, but his issues are very different. What we have in common–and that goes for all families of special needs kids–is that sometimes we get so used to abnormal behavior that we forget what “normal” really is.)
This isn’t normal. Do not allow it to continue.</p>
<p>I told him no more driving because of that. It lasted something like 2 minutes and then he stopped and gave me the keys back. He actually yelled at me when I told him to slow down…he yelled “you want to drive?” and I said yes, I do. So, he pulled over and I took the keys and told him no more driving this visit. I am calling his doctor now and am going to see if he can do a referral for someone in the town he goes to college.</p>
<p>atomom…I tell him “stop, this is not acceptable” and use other stems that I have been taught to use in the past. He did stop with the egg nog remark and said it was not funny and he hates it when I do that. I told him fine, it is not funny, it was a dumb joke. But at the same time, I do not like how he is treating me or speaking to me. He came back after I made the post and was talking kindly and being appropriate. I do think he needs help managing the stress. I know he found finals week to be too much.</p>
<p>As a mom, you have the right to make dumb jokes occasionally. And he has the duty to either a) ignore them OR b) laugh. If he expects others to excuse/forgive a lot of his more extreme behavior, he should be able to tolerate a dumb joke once in awhile. Dumb jokes are acceptable. Overreaction to dumb jokes is not.
Hugs to you. This isn’t easy.</p>
<p>It does sound like he is under a lot of stress.
My family finds transitions very hard, such as coming home after being away at college or even out for the day.
We all need a few minutes, and if a family member had already exhibited that they were at their limit, by walking out of a room, if I then goaded them by continuing to tease, I would expect a similar response to your sons.</p>
<p>It could be that his medication is no longer working, it could be that he feels safe now, so he is blowing up about things that he has held in.</p>
<p>Which is great, not that he is causing problems in the family, but that it sounds like he got through the first term and living in a dorm, which is stressful for anyone, but for kids on the spectrum, I expect at times it is unbearable.</p>
<p>Perhaps working with a counselor over the break, could help him review any supports he had over last term, to see what needs to be tweaked for next term.</p>
<p>How long has he been home? There is always a transition time when they get home from school. Yours sounds angrier than most but that doesn’t mean he won’t get over it. It’s hard for kids to come back home and return to being a kid with a mom telling him not to drive that way and not to cook that way and not to leave eggnog out etc. Maybe he needs some rest, ie a nap, and some good old fashioned time to adjust. And you, mom, need to adjust too. Believe me, I’m no good at it myself and have to be reminded to treat my kid like an adult - it’s hard when she doesn’t look any different - but her insides are different and moms have to adjust to that too. My husband has to remind me not to tease her.</p>
<p>You know your son’s previous baseline- compare it to that. Add in allowances for typical irritations all returning adult kids have (mixed feelings about my 24 year old’s planned trip here), especially after new college freedoms. </p>
<p>Your son sounds like he needs to talk to his old counselor if this continues despite you talking to him. You have too long to go before he leaves for second semester to have to deal with this. Hopefully he will settle down shortly. Is he aware of how badly he has behaved? Can you sit down with him and decide you will both “start over” and ignore the previous behavior? By now he may need to save face or otherwise have everyone ignore things.</p>
<p>I know I dreaded son’s overlong presence during his college years because of his continuation of HS attitudes and behaviors. He is gradually maturing- I am no longer as bad as he once thought me to be and the criticisms are fewer. It is hard. Not all of us can have those great to be with kids, sigh. The world sees a different person- no parent-child power struggles…</p>
<p>See what his reaction to seeing the counselor is. He may be relieved to do so.</p>
<p>I can tell you last hear with my son I wasn’t sure we’d make it through 5 weeks. It makes me feel better to hear others have issues with their kids coming home. I hear they change back to their nice, polite selves at some point, but it may take years. Second year my son seems a little less obnoxious, if that helps at all. Good luck and seeing his doctor can’t hurt.</p>
<p>I think it’s really important to understand that no one comes across in writing as they really are IRL. That’s why it’s very wrong for me, or anyone, to criticize. Or say he seems very angry. Or it’s not “normal”. We don’t know what normal is in your household.</p>
<p>I do know my own sons. One has Asperger’s and my other son has ‘anger issues’. I know they both struggled to adjust to living at home after a semester in college. I remember I did too when I was 18 years old. I also know that my sons may not always appreciate my ‘humor’, especially when they perceive my comments as digs, or corrections, or sarcasm (which is technically ‘the use of irony to mock or convey contempt’). </p>
<p>I know also that my ‘angry’ son saw a therapist when he was at school. (He thought it was a waste of time, but hey. That’s what he thinks of most things I impose.)</p>
<p>But here’s hoping your Christmas vacation goes smoother. Vent here when you need a break. It’s a safe outlet.</p>