<p>Oh, I don’t think anyone is suggesting that it’s too hard to buy a card that is religious-theme oriented, such as: “For your First Communion.” </p>
<p>But, to expect a Jewish person to wander around a Catholic Gift Shop to find “Catholic gifts” is a bit too much for many Jewish people. My Jewish family members are very respectful of others’ faiths (and vice versa), but we don’t expect them to purchase/present crosses and stuff.</p>
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Me too. Romani, do you think the giver should use a blank card and say . . . what? Or nothing at all?</p>
<p>Mom2…I understand what you are saying about gifts…,but I will say…If I KNEW the recipent would really love some religious thing…a cross or something…and it was a close relative, I would probably purchase it. They sell a multitude of “religious items” at most jewelry stores. As I said…the RECIPIENT would be my focus…not myself.</p>
<p>Chiming in here. If I were invited to a communion for a 7 yr old, I would be perfectly comfortable buying an appropriate (first communion) card, but might then get a secular gift like a dressy little purse and matching hat for her to take/wear to church or theater, or something like that. I don’t think I have to be of the same religion to understand that it is an important, meaningful, spiritual event for that child and their family any more than I expected the non-jewish kids and adults that attended my s’s bar mitzvahs to understand the specifics of the meaning of the ceremony (which is explained during the ceremony by our rabbi). I smiled when some accidentally bought bat instead of bar mitzvah cards, but I appreciated the intent and effort.</p>
<p>I would not feel comfortable buying religious items of another persons religion either. Thats just me. And I would be afraid I’d accidentally buy the wrong thing. I laughed with another lady at the supermarket the other day when we were looking at the Passover items on display. They seemed to have put out everything even vaguely jewish (yartzeit candles and chanukah candles, as well as kosher food but not kosher for passover). I know they meant well, but it seemed to emphasize their unfamiliarity with the religion. I would not want to risk something like that, so would steer clear of a religious gift. </p>
<p>And this is a 7 year old. I would probably not buy any 7 year old an expensive piece of jewelry. I would choose to err on the side of appreciation (receiver of gift) and comfort (giver of gift).</p>
<p>Thumper, totally agree. Buying an appropriate card doesn’t stretch anyone out of their religious comfort zone. It’s really just about what the giver wants to do. There is a wide range of “appropriate”.</p>
<p>MOWC – I’d probably give a new priest (male or female) a gift card to Zappos, or some store selling professional attire. They’re usually expected to show up dressed reasonably formally for some events or family visits after a bereavement, and having comfortable (but professional-looking) and seasonally appropriate shoes, coat, hat, suit,… gets pretty expensive, especially on a priest’s salary. (I do think that it is pretty common for the immediate family to give a chalice or vestments…at least when my mother’s cousins were ordained eons ago that was apparently the standard gift.)</p>
<p>UH oh-- what are we supposed to get for your newly ordained daughter, MOWC? She is a runner. How about the zappos gift card for a pair of running shoes. Great idea, arabrab!!!</p>
<p>I guess my impression was that they were going to give a card that detailed why it was a “milestone” or something along those lines. I believe I was over-thinking it, my apologies.</p>
<p>Just a side note. My MIL was an off-the-boat Italian immigrant. In her community, it is customary to purchase an entire set of vestments for a priest in their honor when a person dies. It is then dressed onto a manikin and presented at the viewing.</p>
<p>wow, zoosermom- that’s interesting! I never heard of that!</p>
<p>Well, she got some vestments last year when she became a Deacon, so I need to check and see what she gets to have different. These days the choices for women are, fortunately, better. Zappos is not a bad idea, because shoes are sometimes a challenge since they have to be on the modest side but she doesn’t like frumpy things. </p>
<p>Sorry to hijack away from pizzagirl’s original question!</p>
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I never did either until MIL died and left a $20,000 long list of demands and not a red cent to pay for them.</p>
<p>PG, I vote for the special day. There is probably nothing you could get your niece that would be as precious and memories don’t get lost. Maybe you could even take a few pictures and have a little photo album made in honor of the day you spent together?</p>
<p>I’m Catholic. I don’t think it’s necessary to buy any gift at all for First Communion. To a certain extent, I think getting “loot” undermines the meaning of the day. If someone wants to give the gift of a shared experience, I think that’s a wonderful idea. But, I would suggest a card too. There are generic ones that say “on your special day” if someone really objects to buying a religious one.</p>
<p>If you want to buy an “item” a nice frame for the First Communion photo is something nobody has mentioned yet—though it’s really more of a gift for mom and dad.</p>
<p>I think most people would not want to attend a communion or other party without giving something. I like PG’s original idea for a day out with her niece. She is obviously a very special girl to PG, and a day together is a great way to commemorate this milestone. For non-Catholics who don’t know what to do - you can never go wrong with a First Communion card (very easy to find a not so pious one) with money inserted.</p>
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You have very entertaining relatives.</p>
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It’s that whole white trash thing. It’s not for nothing that my MIL’s demographic is front and center on a couple of popular reality shows.</p>
<p>My own relatives are of the native-born trash demographic. However, they do have their own teeth, so that’s something!</p>
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<p>Do your relatives live long?</p>
<p>One of the things my daughter has learned in college is that having your own teeth is actually a determining factor in longevity.</p>
<p>I told her to remember to floss. Ah. The college education.</p>
<p>*Quote:
I never did either until MIL died and left a $20,000 long list of demands and not a red cent to pay for them.
*</p>
<p>Wow…but since she’d be dead at that point, why would anyone feel obligated to fulfill the (unfunded) wishes.</p>
<p>On the other hand, when my mom passed last November, we went to the mortuary where mom had filled out her list of things that she wanted…including a rather cheap looking casket (my mom was very thrifty). I nixed the cheapy casket and picked out a lovely Dark PINK one (yes, PINK …with pale pink lining). My siblings all agreed. Mom adored pink and she looked so lovely in it during the Rosary.</p>
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Given the description of the behavior of your sister, niece and her family, its a wonder some of the relatives haven’t come to blows and knocked out a few of those pearly whites!!!</p>
<p>(That’s supposed to be funny, btw)</p>
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The evil ones certainly seem to.</p>
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That’s exactly what I said, but my husband and his sister would have none of that. MIL had written a letter to them listing these demands while she was on her death bed, so they felt obligated. Particularly since their brother had wiped her out financially and materially just before she died. She came from a family with money – she was the only sibling who was poor, and always put on a show that she was in the same financial footing as her sisters. They would have known that she was destitute if she didn’t have the usual final rituals for their family. Hubby and SIL wouldn’t allow that to happen.</p>
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It’s pretty funny! They have an upcoming event, so it may happen yet this spring.</p>