First essay, could someone grade or possibly give feedback?

This essay was inspired by the 12 in 10 days thread. Also, are we supposed to underline book titles? Thank you!

Essay Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power?

Essay:

There are 3 components to the conscious, according to Sigmund Freud, the ego, superego, and the id. Freud stated that the ego and the id interact and influence decision equally however, if human has taught us anything, it is that the id (or our wants) prevails over all.

Our “id” prevails over all because it is in our nature —since the dawn of humanity even! In psychology there is a theory called the Drive reduction theory that explains humanity’s behavior. Our behavior is similar to homeostasis. If there is something that we require, such as food, our body will create the sensation of hunger that “overrides” our conscious. So a childhood friend, when in a life or death situation, may look like potential food for the ravenous human.

Maslow’s theory of motivation exemplifies the innate selfishness of humanity. In his pyramid, things like “self-actualization” or the need for intimacy are on the top of the pyramid; however, the needs of the bottom of the pyramid must be established first. And what exactly is on the nadir of the pyramid? It is food and shelter. It is not the need for intimacy or for altruistic concerns. It is the safety and concern for one’s self that dictates the body.

In heart of Darkness, the cynical view of humanity is very prevalent. In the story, Africa is a victim of imperialism and the author, Joseph Conrad, illustrates this very well. In the novel, one such character is Kurtz, an overseer for the transport of ivory, who is completely consumed by greed. His want for ivory is what ultimately kills him. Furthermore, virtually everyone who ventures in Africa is only concerned for wealth, disregarding the conditions of the oppressed natives of Africa.

Looking at the Drive reduction theory, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and Heart of Darkness, one can see that the cynical view of human nature is indeed the more accurate view of humanity.

You’re missing a proper introductory paragraph and I’m not sure if you really answer the question

9

Shouldn’t underline book titles. And I personally wouldn’t give you a mark higher than 7. You are not answering the essay question directly. I can see your point that our wants, or id, prevails over conscience, but the question asks for money, or fame, or power, so I’m not sure if your argument seems proper for this essay prompt (although your Kurtz example addresses greed for money that prevails over conscience). Also, you keep saying blabla prevails over all. Instead you should say blabla prevails over conscience, which proves you are sticking to the essay prompt itself. And notice the subject of the question sentence—it’s “conscience”. “Money”, “fame”, and “power” aren’t even the objects of the question sentence, and you’re emphasizing “id” in your essay. Although you’re conveying the same thing in your sentences, the essay readers wouldn’t have the patience to carefully study how your lines relate to the essay prompt. In the worst case scenario, one of the 2 readers may just give you a score of 2 or 3.

^ Yes, you DO underline book titles…can’t italicize when handwriting.