<p>I’ve had social anxiety problems since kindergarten. It really turned bad when I got to middle school. I’ve wanted to change since junior year of high school. Now, I am a freshman at a large state university majoring in business. </p>
<p>In the heat of the moment, I will just answer in short sentences: yes, no, thank you, etc. but once I leave the conversation I always feel so bad that I was not able to carry it on. The words are all in my head. I see and I know what to say but for some reason my mouth just would not open and the anxiety overwhelms me. There are times when I can communicate fine. I just talk without thinking, but I find that I have a hard time maintaining that clear thinking and I just end up straying away just when it looked like I was going somewhere. At first it’s fine because no one knows who I am, but once I’m tagged with “that shy guy” I just end up in that endless spiral again.</p>
<p>Since my parents had no education past high school and immigrated from another country I’ve had to figure a lot of things out by myself. The irony is that I really, really want to be more confident socially but I am afraid that if I do become more social my grades will fall. I’d had to face the fact that everyone is more academically prepared than me. I got into college by working harder than most people and the only way I can stay in is by working harder than most people. After realizing that pre-engineering was right for me (getting a 2.60 GPA my first quarter in college) I’ve switched to pre-business (getting a 3.79 GPA in my second quarter) and am doing well. However, I feel unfulfilled for the first time despite my good grades. I want to go and have some fun and just relax but I can’t. I can’t because my mind is always filled with anxiety in social situations and I can’t because I’m afraid that my grades will fall and I won’t get into the business school (avg admitted GPA is a 3.60 and I have a 3.23).</p>