First signs of floundering

hyperJulie · February 10, 2010, 4:41pm

To start, in case any of you are interested in what happened with my sister, the answer is that nothing really has happened. She is a fiercely independent person and will not entertain the thought of moving back in with my parents, nor does she seem to be interested in some of the other solutions suggested. That being said, she has not had any more instances of peeping, or least if she has, she hasn’t told us.

Now, I return yet again for advice because I am beginning, for the first time in my life, to really flounder under the pressure, and I don’t know what to do. That’s the short version of it, and the long version is going to follow in the form of a rant that probably is going to be somewhat disorganized, so I apologize in advance. I also realize that a lot of this will probably come off as VERY whiny, and I know that my problems are pretty trivial comparatively. Feel free to utterly ignore this post, really. I just need to get this off of my chest and I really have nobody else to talk to.

The past few weeks of the semester have started badly and have been getting worse. Over break, I began to dread returning to school and ever since the semester started I have been sinking deeper and deeper into turmoil (I’m not sure whether to call it depression or despair or an existential crisis or something else). The first week I made a distinct point of doing something for myself, and I joined the town/gown chorus, which is probably the one thing I’ve been thoroughly enjoying. Everything else has been falling apart.

My entire life, I have always been motivated, and that has always driven me to succeed despite my intense dislike of homework and the educational system in general. My entire college career, I have only received As and one A-. This semester, though, I have started off badly for no apparent reason. My mind is just utterly in a fog and when I think about doing work I get distressed. Sometimes I even start to cry. I failed this week’s physics lab quiz, and I’ve gotten 5/10 and 7/10 on my calc II quizzes, falling in the range of average or below average. In fact, after the first quiz my professor told us that if we scored around my range on the quiz or below, we should drop the class because we will fail. It’s so bizarre because I haven’t failed anything since middle school, and even that was a bogus quiz in shop that we weren’t told about and didn’t really count for anything. Plus, the second calculus quiz I legitimately studied for, and then when it was in front of me, I thought I did it all right but when I got it back it was riddled with silly errors that I did not find even though I checked my work several times over. On the physics quiz, I stared at it for what felt like ages and I couldn’t even seem to figure out what the questions were asking.

I have never knowingly come to class without my homework done that I can recall before this semester, but now when I sit down to do my homework I just can’t seem to focus at all. I feel overwhelmed, and what’s more, I’m beginning to feel like this is all pointless. Right now, I’m just in a funk, feeling like if I hate what I’m doing in college so much, no matter what I’m doing, then I’ll probably hate my career too and by extension most of my life.

At least once a day in class I come to the verge of tears because I feel stupid and behind, and yet I can’t seem to work up the motivation to be more proactive about it anymore. To do so, I would have to give up all of the things that provide me with some amount of respite from the anxiety and discontent that I’m feeling the majority of my day, like having a long shower or watching a TV show that I really like. Even then, those are the general high points of my average day which isn’t helping either. It seems like each day, I drag myself out of bed into the freezing air, after having much less sleep than I want to or should have, trek through the cold to get to the bus, go to classes, microwave lunch/cold sandwich, more classes, microwave dinner, shower, attempt to do homework, procrastinate, cry, do homework, don’t finish it because it is 2 in the morning and I’m passing out, rinse, repeat. I know that I just have a crappy attitude about life and I have no reason to be unhappy, but I don’t know how to fix it.

I’ve already gone to the counseling center, but my appointment is not until Monday (which will be two weeks after the day that I finally became so distraught that I felt like I could not handle things on my own anymore.) Weekends have been temporary reprieves from it all, as I spent one with friends and the other with my boyfriend since the start of semester, but come Sunday night I’m overwhelmed again. It’s weird because I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years, I’m used to only seeing him once every couple weeks, and usually when he has to go I’m not thrilled about it but I’m okay. Now, when he leaves I just absolutely break down and cry because I feel so desperately lonely. I haven’t made any friends since I started at this school, and my friends from Ithaca really don’t acknowledge that I exist. Pretty much, I have a few friends locally from high school, but most are at my boyfriend’s college and I really don’t see them that often.

I guess the thing that’s been bothering me the most is that I feel absolutely trapped in this situation. I don’t have a choice but to keep going to classes and miserably struggling through homework at a school I’m not thrilled with because if I try and take a gap semester, write the novel I’ve always dreamed of writing, spend some time working in the real world and get some motivation to really suck the marrow out of the college experience, I will lose my health insurance, and my parents cannot afford to support me. I’m just getting to the point where I can’t deal with school and trying to maintain a long distance relationship when it gets harder and harder to be apart and then all of the family stuff that I’m only just beginning to understand. I’ve really tried to be proactive in changing things for the better. I transferred schools, I joined an EC, I moved into my grandma’s house to get away from my home situation, I changed my major, and yet things feel worse than they ever have. What’s more, is I feel absolutely rotten being this whiny about my situation. I’m fully aware that my life is not at all rough by comparison. I’ve been told this perspective my whole life by my parents who had horrible childhoods and now spend every day working jobs they hate to make ends meet.

If anyone has somehow managed to make it through all that whiny drivel, do you have any advice as to what I can do to try and make this situation more livable? I’m at my wit’s end and I don’t want to mess up my GPA because I’m too weak-willed to do everything.

dmd77 · February 10, 2010, 4:56pm

Please RUN to your college’s counseling center. Try to forget your sister and your parents–they don’t seem to want your help, which is their problem, not yours–and HELP YOURSELF.

VeryHappy · February 10, 2010, 5:13pm

I agree with dmd77. You can’t take care of anyone else if you yourself are not well. This sounds serious. Don’t dismiss this. Go for help.

hyperJulie · February 10, 2010, 5:25pm

Well, I went to the counseling center over a week ago, but they don’t take people without appointments and my appointment isn’t until Monday. Even then my appointment is just a consultation and I don’t know whether or not they have any counseling services that will actually help me. I think if they feel you’re serious they refer you elsewhere but I have no ability to get to elsewhere unless it is accessible by the city bus system. I don’t even think they check if you’re suicidal because they had me fill out a form and one of the questions was whether or not I was considering suicide. But the lady who made my appointment didn’t even look at that form before she started searching for a time that didn’t conflict with my classes. My guess is with the recent budget cuts the counseling center is probably pretty understaffed right now.

Right now I do want to help myself in the meantime, but I don’t know what to do other than wait patiently for my appointment and try not to lose it too badly.

bookiemom · February 10, 2010, 5:44pm

Hi Julie. Please take some deep breaths here. Have a cup of herbal tea or a decaf latte, maybe a cookie or some treat you don’t usually have. Since you can’t get to counseling till Monday, you have just a few more days till someone will help you face to face. You can make it till then.

Think of a calming phrase you can repeat to yourself. “I’m going to get help and things will get better.” Every time you start to slide downward, repeat this to yourself. Replace the scary thoughts with your calming mantra.

Make a little written schedule for each day. Write down what you want to accomplish for your classes that day. Write down three things you are grateful for. Write out your calming mantra.

Are you drinking enough water? Not too much caffeine? Staying away from alcohol and drugs? Getting enough healthy food? Just try to improve those areas a little over the next week. Try to have a calming routine before bedtime: herbal tea or warm water, bed turned down, think calm thoughts…

Your initial counseling appointment is likely to be an evaluation session. Then your counseling center will have a series of appointments for you. They have to help you, that is part of every college’s services.

You might also consider making an appointment at the health center to see if you would benefit from prescriptions for depression or anxiety.

Lots and lots of college kids have a heavy load of things that are hard to deal with. I did; my daughter did too. We both had counseling and got better.

You have accomplished a lot already in dealing with your family situation. You have a boyfriend who cares about you; you are smart enough to be in college and to transfer to a different school; and when you are feeling better you will be able to make some additional friends and be in some more activities.

Your life won’t always be like this. Spring will come.

starbright · February 10, 2010, 6:44pm

hyperjulie- my memory might be wrong but didn’t you transfer into engineering? That is a notoriously difficult major, both in terms of workload and difficulty (at the school I teach, the AVERAGES are often in the mid 50% range in the first year!). It might be you are still getting your “sealegs” for this major, or maybe you have bitten off more than you can chew and might want to switch majors again. GO TALK TO YOUR PROFESSORS! It’s extremely common to change majors so don’t let that deter you if the major is the issue and that is the solution.

The others are right. See the counsellors as soon as you can (so good you are already taking that path!). And remember it will not always be like this. Sooooo many students have this experience. Think of it as a phase, maybe even a developmental one for you.

Oh and to add to the questions above: are you getting enough sleep? VERY hard to handle stress when you are short of sleep (and of course sometimes when we are very stressed we are not able to sleep enough, so it can be a vicious cycle).

Hang in there and keep us posted.

Delicate_Arch · February 10, 2010, 8:29pm

One of the things I learned from a counselor is to ask, “Well, if the “worst” happens” then what. Let’s see. What if you have to withdraw this semester or drop some of your classes? Will you still be young and healthy - yes. Will you still have people who love you - yes. And will you be able to really empathize with someone in the future who is in a tough spot, oh yes.

If the worst happens, will it be disappointing, sure? Cost some money, probably. Maybe bruise your self image, you bet. But you are in such good company. I bet half the people on this board could resonate with what you’ve written.

As a professor I strongly encourage you to contact your professors. If you can’t handle a face to face, write them a note. One time I had a young woman who was totally falling apart just hand me a handwritten note after class. I was so worried I called the counseling center and told them in no uncertain terms to push her up in the queue.

I’d also reaffirm calling the health center. They should be able to get you in earlier as an emergency patient. This is an emergency. Don’t be afraid to play all your cards to get some help.

If you can’t go to class or do homework, go exercise. Shower afterward. Eat something good for you (I trust the 6 ingredient rule – if it has 6 or fewer ingredients and if you can pronounce all of them, it’s probably good for you). Even if you are teary these things will help. Then if you can’t manage anything else, do it again.

Let us know how you are.

moonchild · February 10, 2010, 8:46pm

You have great advice so far, and I would second the suggestion from starbright to
talk to your professors and perhaps rethink your major. You mentioned wanting to write a novel. Are your strengths in math and quantitative skills? Are you sure you’re doing what you want to be doing right now, academically?

You are in a crises situation right now and I agree with Delicate Arch. This is an emergency, and there has to be a way to see someone before next week. Try talking to an advisor or a Prof you trust, and see if they can talk to the counseling center on your behalf.

ADad · February 10, 2010, 9:38pm

You have had a lot to deal with. The fact that someone else might have had it worse does not change that. You have had a lot to deal with.

I agree with the others about counseling.

You can also talk live, often 24/7, to nonjudgmental listeners on hotlines such as 1-800-273-TALK. Also, Contact USA has listening centers around the country: [Crisis</a> Centers](<a href=“http://www.contact-usa.org/CrisisCenters.htm]Crisis”>http://www.contact-usa.org/CrisisCenters.htm). I’ll bet that people at most if not all of them will be willing to talk with you and/or help you find a suitable service in your area. I listen on one such hotline and we will talk to anyone from anywhere about anything.

hyperJulie · February 10, 2010, 9:58pm

Thanks for all of the advice so far. I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond to me and actually taking me seriously, so I’ll try to respond directly to what you’ve said as much as possible.

Regarding the healthy food suggestion, I immediately went through my pantry and the results were not encouraging. Following the 6 pronounceable ingredient rule, I came up with: applesauce, peanut butter, and milk. Plus the apple sauce has corn syrup and the peanut butter has partially hydrogenated oils so that is not good. I really do not have the ability to get the store, either, and I also haven’t had the energy to cook fresh things, which is why I’ve been mostly eating out of cans.

As for exercising, admittedly I don’t really exercise at all, mostly because I find it so tiresome and frustrating that I end up not doing it, probably because I am so out of shape in the first place. I usually like to go on brisk walks but not in winter. I hate being cold. I’m really not sure how to exercise where I am currently. I’m in my grandma’s very small house filled with breakable things, so I can’t really run around or anything. What can I do in this sort of confined space that will help me?

As for the sleep, it’s been extremely erratic. Some nights I’m actually around the 8 hour mark, on weekends sometimes it’s like 12 hours, and it gets to be as little as 4 hours other nights. What’s strange is that no matter which amount of sleep I get, though, I still feel pretty exhausted and I end up falling asleep when I try to read anything, or in class, even when I’ve gotten 8-9 hours of sleep the night before.

Yes, I am in engineering, but my logic behind the decision was that I was absolutely bored to tears studying OT. I thought my classes were absolutely stupid other than the few interesting gen eds I took. Maybe that wasn’t the right decision in hindsight, but part of what has put a sour taste in my mouth is that Binghamton’s program kind of sucks. Mostly I’ve been stuck with this absolutely horrendous, narcissistic arse of a professor for both semesters for this really inane class that I hate. Then first semester the group that I had to work with for my engineering projects was just awful.

The main thing is that I realize that I’m not happy doing what I’m doing, but I don’t know what else TO do. Honestly, I really don’t feel passionate about much of anything, plus I’m good at mostly everything, to be honest. I’m perform well at whatever I try academically, be that math, economics, anthropology, philosophy, psychology, politics, usually the hard sciences but not so much physics, I’ve discovered. I have particularly enjoyed a couple of these (namely anthropology and psychology), and I apparently showed a great deal of aptitude for philosophy and politics because in the former, my bioethics professor wanted to send me to an undergraduate research conference for a paper I wrote, and in the latter, my TA wanted me to submit my paper to a social sciences research contest, that was until he found out that I wasn’t studying social sciences. Another professor was really impressed with my writing so much that she advised regardless of what profession I chose, that I also write on the side. I’m really not trying to brag, but mostly just get across that going based on aptitude or interest really doesn’t help me because in most cases, the aptitude is there but the interest is not.

Additionally, I took one of those strong interest inventories, though I think I may have deliberately biased my results toward the medical profession trying to confirm at the time that I should be studying occupational therapy. Unfortunately it’s really easy to read what sort of results the questions are going to lean you toward and thus to skew the answers subconsciously (or consciously). My top 10 were all medical-related professions, with radiology tech being my number 1.

The idea of talking to my professors about this is kind of intriguing, and I’m really not sure what I should say. If you don’t mind my asking, what was the basic gist of the note that the student gave you, Delicate Arch? I realize it would be an invasion of your student’s privacy to ask for specifics, but was it along the lines of “I am having a hard time because of X” or “I really need your help”? If I were to go that route I would really have no idea what to say to a professor that would get them to send me in the right direction.

Regarding the health center, would they have a psychiatrist on staff that could prescribe me anti-depressants if necessary? I went there once because I was ill and was hoping to get my temperature taken, and they told me that they didn’t take walk in patients after 11, so I was pretty miffed. All I wanted was 30 second temperature reading! I could’ve done it myself if they’d just handed me a thermometer.

Lastly, I do realize that the main thing hindering me making real and drastic change right now is shame. I know that my parents will be deeply disappointed in me if I am not successful right now. By all accounts, I should have the ability to do well, but for some reason I am floundering. I have tried to talk to my mom about it, but she has largely been unreceptive. Her logic is basically that I just have to play through the pain so I can get a decent paying job, so even if that job makes me miserable, at least I will have the money to get things that make me feel better. She did say that it was fine if I didn’t get there right away, but when I half-jokingly, half-seriously said “I want to drop out of college” she said “I wish I could drop out of work.”

I know that mom has been bragging about me studying engineering at work, about how I got a 4.0, etc. I just know that if her coworkers, who are largely catty people and thrilled by the failure of their coworkers’ progeny, find out that I quit engineering, even if they don’t say anything about it to my mother, she will be embarrassed and my failure will make them happy. I know I shouldn’t care about this, but I do. My whole life I’ve been told I have the ability to do great things, and I just know that if I wind up in an “unimpressive” (and I mean that with absolutely no disrespect - I do think that our ideas about what jobs have merit and others don’t are crap) job that people will always see me as wasted potential. That’s how people reacted when I considered teaching for a while, and also when I considered going to a non-prestigious state school to do so.

moonchild · February 10, 2010, 11:21pm

{{{hugs}}}

I really do feel for you, and I understand everything you’re saying. I think this statement above is why you feel trapped, and is at the root of your problems.

I really hope you can find a counselor who can help you- possibly one who practices cognitive behavioral therapy. The right kind of psychological help will lead you to living your life for yourself, and not for others.

Your mom is proud of you, but she probably has no idea about the pressure you are putting on yourself. You NEED to stop it, or it could kill you. Easier said than done, I realize, but that’s why you need a qualified counselor to help you find the way.

You are floundering because you’re living your life for someone else and ignoring your own voice. Until you change this, regardless of what others may say about your wasted potential (!) you will not be happy.

Sometimes we have to disappoint others to please ourselves. It’s part of becoming a mature person.

Your mom wants the best for you and may think that this career path will make you happy, probably because it would have made her happy to be able to do it and make a better living than she does now. But you’re not her. That’s really hard for parents to get, sometimes, especially those who are really close to their kids.

It seems very likely to me that you would be happiest in a field that rewards good writing. Anthropology is really interesting, and combines science and the humanities. My D studies this- loves to write, and says that so much of the writing done in the field is sooo bad, that they really need people who can write. I have a feeling that if you were studying something like this instead of engineering, you wouldn’t be having any academic difficulty, even if other things were getting you down.

<pre><code>Good Food and exercise are really important for mental health. You can’t live on canned food. Are you taking vitamins? Get some fish oil, vitamin D3, and a B-complex. Try to cut out as much sugar as possible, and be sure to drink enough water.
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Your living quarters are not conducive to exercise, although a yoga mat might fit in somewhere. You could get a tape and learn some relaxation techniques and exercises. Or you could bundle up and take a short walk in the freezing air- it can really clear the head and get the blood flowing.

Please keep us posted. My heart breaks for you, and I think I know what kind of pain you’re going through.

bookiemom · February 10, 2010, 11:22pm

Oh, Julie, Julie, Julie. It really doesn’t matter what your mom or her co-workers or anyone else thinks about what kind of major you have or work you go into. YOU are the one who will be doing that job for many decades, no one else. That can all be sorted out in counseling. You are concerned about shame. Be sure to tell the counselor that. All this can be worked on as you dig out of this hole.

Re the note to professors: yes, you could hand each one a simple note: I am having serious difficulties right now and will be going to the counseling center next week. Please allow me XXX (more time on this paper, whatever…). Yes, tell them you are going to counseling–maybe they will cut you some slack.

Call the health center first thing on Thurs. AM. “I need an immediate appointment. I am having some issues coping with school and need to be evaluated right away.” You do not need to be seen by a psychiatrist for simple antidepressant or anti-anxiety prescription. Lots and lots of college students need this. Tell the dr. or PA or nurse practitioner you are going to counseling next week, but you need help now. Tell the person you can’t do your class work and you can’t sleep. Believe me, the dr. will have heard all this many times before. You might need antidepressants and it might help within a few weeks. Ask the dr. if he/she could call over to the counseling center and get you an immediate appt.

Try to stop worrying about all this at once. Put each problem on the shelf–that’s what I tell my husband. Here is the shelf where all your worries can rest, right there. Family, choice of major, future occupation, what others will think, lack of sleep. OK, all the problems are shelved like books. Each one can be addressed in counseling. The only problem you need to keep off the shelf is what to do RIGHT NOW. Just do the next right thing. One little step at a time.

So, now. Line all those problems up on the shelf. Drink warm water. Think of a happy place and time. Breathe in and out, deeply. Try to sleep. Call for your health center appt. in the AM. And come back and post tomorrow and tell us how you are.

Remember, spring is coming. “We are nearer to spring than we were in December…”

ADad · February 11, 2010, 12:28am

Topics that could be worked on in therapy: why it matters to you what your mother’s coworkers say or think, or that others may consider you to be wasting your potential.

srw · February 11, 2010, 1:22am

Your past, your uncertainty about your major and your concern regarding your parents and their coworkers opinions puts a lot on your shoulders, in addition to being in a difficult major, that’s a lot for anyone to handle. Not to mention a long dark winter. Bless your heart, you are getting some really good advice I agree that things WILL get better, remember Rome was not built in a day so be very kind and patient with yourself. I know is must be very tough to have everyone expect so much out of you. But it is YOUR life for YOU to live and to find what makes you happy, in the long run that is all that matters. Your parents and everyone else will get over it, they always do.

Bandie_Mom · February 11, 2010, 1:48am

Julie, first of all recognizing you have a problem is really healthy. I’m glad you have listen to what some of the folks here are sharing with you. This is all good advice.

I think that going for a health assessment between now and your counseling appt may be a really good idea. You may not be depressed but may have some anxiety because of what you think you “should” be doing and what you “are” doing and how you are feeling.

Good nutrition, relaxation, hydration, meditation (prayer if you believe in it) are all good not only for the body but also for the brain.

Hang in there, this may just be the unpaved road you need to walk for a bit while you find your “sealegs” on the college road. I’m sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

Delicate_Arch · February 12, 2010, 12:40am

Hi Julie,

I was off doing professor things today. You asked what my student wrote to me - and it is telling in the light of what you have written - she wrote about how mortified she was to look in the mirror and see who she had become, that she felt weak and lost, that she was ashamed, but that she realized that she had to say “No more!” (she had gone beyond unhealthy to some destructive behaviors). She wrote about finally telling her parents (mostly mom) and how mom was a therapist herself and how mom now felt bad about the pressure she had put on daughter but that they were going to work on it together (not with mom as the student’s therapist, but that mom had her daughter’s back).

So, while mom may be bragging about you, it is quite likely that she wants you happy and whole much more than she wants the 4.0 grades.

Let’s think about the exercise. I don’t like being cold either, but we can all do something for a short time. Just go for a walk. 10 minutes today, 11 minutes tomorrow and so on. Next thing you know it will be spring and you will be up to an hour. You can do it. If you are stuck in g’ma’s house, take some of those canned veggies and do arm lifts and curls with them. Go on to the Yoga Journal website and try stretching into some poses there. There’s lots of good things you can try without running into all the knick knacks. And who cares if you are out of shape when you work out. You’re probably never going to see these people again. You aren’t exercising to give them something to fill their eyes with beauty. Just go. Seriously, they probably don’t even care about you. Do some push ups. They are actually really hard and you can do them quietly in your room.

Of course exercising is tiresome. Put on youtube or Hulu and have something totally dumb in the background. Do you follow the online comic strip xkcd? I bet you’d like it (some panels are a bit rude, but most are science-funny). Tell yourself you can look at another panel once you do four arm curls. Make it more fun. Mix it up.

Laugh at how absurd this has all become. You are all worked up because some catty lady at your mom’s work - whom you mom doesn’t even like - is going to judge you for figuring out your life! Whose in charge of your life? Her? I think not.

You are headed in the right direction, not the wrong one. Hang in there.

poetgrl · February 12, 2010, 6:17am

Julie-- You’ve gotten some really great advice here, and I’m glad you are reaching out and also capable of listening to what is being said to you.

As a therapist who works primarily with kids your age and younger, I will say, believe it or not, that I am not overly “worried” about you. YOu are going to be fine, in the long run.

One of the biggest challenges a therapist faces is whether or not someone can use therapy, whether or not they can participate and make the choice to find thier way. You are an excellent candidate for really effective therapy, and I believe that you will be able to make full use of whatever is offered to you and, over time, settle down into a very healthy and productive adult life. In the meantime, breathe, relax and let go of some of your expectations and ALL of the expectations you feel have been put on your shoulders by other people. Now is the time to stay centered and in the moment and not to go ranging off into a future, of whatever variety, which may or may not come to pass…good, bad, indifferent. Just stay where you are.

Excercise is a really great idea, just partly because you are too much in your head and getting in your body and feeling the bottom of your feet as you walk, is something you need to be doing. When you are back in your head, just touch something, or just become very aware of where you are, and stay present. The future cannot hurt you. It doesn’t exist right now.

CBT or DBT sound like really good ideas. Make sure the counselor you consult with is aware you are looking for solutions to feelings of anxiety, pressure and situational depression. It is actually all “situational” and the more aware you can become that none of this will last forever, the better your day will be today.

Please make an effort this weekend to lighten up and find a funny movie or some upslifting music. I know that sounds trivial, but it isn’t. You need to interfere with your habits of thinking and put in something a little bit less intense. YOu are in the habit of thinking catastrophically and need to relax, let go a little bit, and let yourself just ‘be’ and laughing can be really effective in terms of breaking out of some of those entrenched feelings, even if only a temporary emotional vacation, of sorts.

Good luck to you. You really are going to be all right.

srw · February 16, 2010, 7:34pm

Julie,

How’s it going?

hyperJulie · February 16, 2010, 8:30pm

It’s going. It’s not good but it’s not unbearable.

My evaluation was somewhat disappointing because I was presented with either going off campus or getting put on a 2-4 week waiting list for campus counseling. I opted for the latter because the former would require going through my mom’s insurance, and thus having to talk to her and find out what her mental health benefits are, which given the circumstances I am not prepared to do. Also, unless the counseling place is right on a bus route (unlikely) I wouldn’t be able to get there anyway even if it was covered by my insurance. So, right now I’m still in limbo where I’m waiting to get help.

Scholastically things aren’t really improving. I didn’t do so hot on my calc exam today. At least I haven’t been crying so far this week and I was productive for an hour or so after classes today, which is an improvement at least. I’m still pretty down but I think I’m starting to get used to being this down.

As for exercise, I didn’t really get much this weekend. I did have to walk around my boyfriend’s campus, but I think I got minor food poisoning from something Saturday morning and spent the weekend under the weather in an unpleasant way. I did however walk from my parents’ house to the store to my grandma’s house today which is a solid 30 minutes brisk walk.

Ultimately I know that this will pass eventually and for now I just need to tough it out and try and remember to do things for myself.

Thank you for all of your advice.

VeryHappy · February 16, 2010, 8:38pm

I’m relieved to hear that it’s bearable. Keep walking. You might find it easier to concentrate on schoolwork after you’ve exercised vigorously. Try it that way and see.

And keep posting on here. We’ll talk to you. You’re not alone.

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