DH and I leave Friday on our first trip away – driving across the country, have all our ducks in a row. My parents’ winter bouts of pneumonia appeared to be the wrench, but they’ve recovered nicely. All is well…and then…
…S1 (launched, who lives/works in our same town, but hasn’t lived with us for years) came to say he’s interviewed for a great, new, better, job and it looks promisingly like he’s the leading candidate. He will find out, hopefully, on …Friday. The move is 800 miles. He would need to be there 5 days after we return.
I can’t tell anyone unless he’s offered the job, so I came here to tell you guys I don’t want him to NOT get the job, I also don’t want to pretend to be enjoying the trip when DH and I are both thinking the time is better spent here, helping him pack and move and generally seeing him. But it’s stupid to cancel it. Our plan at the moment is to go ahead and go, and if he’s offered the job, to turn for home at that point, cancelling reservations as necessary. It would also mean we miss a grad school graduation (but those parties will completely get it, no worries)
Argh! argh! One lousy trip! One trip! in 35 years, and every.single.time. Something Happens. I have, as they say, all the feels.
I say go and enjoy yourself. Come home early if you need to, though maybe being home just for his last day or two in town is sufficient. He can get friends to help him with the grunt work of packing and loading, all you really need to do is be there for some conversations.
I appreciate the emotion of wanting to be with your S before he moves away. But you really should go and enjoy your vacation with a clear conscience. He’s a fully-grown man who can move his own darn self. Truth. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done in raising a responsible and independent adult, and go enjoy your vacation and let him act as a responsible and independent adult!
BTW, if he gets a relocation package then his new company might very well take care of the entire move. The two times I moved for work, I didn’t need to lift a finger other than to pack my own personal luggage for the airplane. The movers swept in, boxed everything up and loaded up the truck (even drove my car up into the truck!). Then like magic two weeks later the truck pulled up to my new home and the movie played out in reverse with the movers unloading and unpacking everything and even hauling off the empty boxes.
He won’t have a relocation mover, although there will be a small moving allowance – probably will cover gas and the UHaul. And yes, he’s a grown person, but one I particularly like. DH keeps bursting into tears. Of course we are all positivity to our son, no need to burden him with our nonsense…
You’ll have five days after you return. That’s plenty of time to help. He can very well handle it anyways. Likely most of it would be done by your return. I wonder if it’s more that he is moving away and you don’t want to lose that last bit of time with him.
If you went on your trip, how many days are we talking about here, that you’d be away (after Friday) to complete it? You can always have the option to return early, maybe not immediately, in your back pocket. Perhaps just go anyways and see how it unfolds. He might think it is unnecessary for you to return. Maybe he’ll be spending time with friends anyways and can save those last days for you. Plus, I’ve seen my kids be so positive about getting a job, and not get the offer. That’s how it goes.
You will be sad whether you go on your trip or stay home to be near your son. But can you live with the regret of NOT taking the trip? And what if you stay home but your son is too busy to spend time with you? Will you get frustrated with your son?
Take the trip with the focus being on finding joy along the way. Allow yourselves to drop 2 days at the end of your trip if you need to return home. Really, 7 days is plenty of time to say your goodbyes.
Life never comes to a halt to enable you to go on vacation. Yes, this is a big deal, but it’s not a death. It is part and parcel of a full life. It’s all good. No bad news here.
If he is old enough and capable enough to get a job far away from home and is willing to make the move then it is up to him and his new company to orchestrate the move. I know it is a mother’s inclination to want to be there to do everything, but keep in mind that if he gets the job you can use the 5 days after you return to help him. And you can also help him finish up details and ship some things after he moves.
I have to agree to go on your trip. I feel the same about my son that I “like” him and would want to spend time with him, but this is your and HIS new normal. To be apart and to still stay in touch. He can certainly handle the packing, you’ll be home in time for the actual move. It would be a waste of time/life to come home early and be teary eyed - or in the way, or be upset that he is spending time with friends, or whatever!
My son would also be upset to know that his circumstance made us change our plans. You can touch base with him during the trip to see how things are going. But we never know what life brings - TAKE your trip! Sounds like it might also do your H good too to realize that you guys can have adventure on your own!
And finally, it seems there is never a “perfect” time for many things - sometimes it’s wrong to wait for that perfection.
I agree with the others. Every time we go on a major trip, it seems like there’s a crisis at home. We’ve decided that since there are other people who are tasked with looking after our oldest adult son, we’re going to go on living our lives.
And even though HE will need to be in the new location 5 days after your return, his STUFF doesn’t necessarily have to be there. If he can’t get it all organized, you can help when you get back. He can always live in a hotel at the new location for a short time.
He’s launched. He can arrange his own move. Having you out of town will help motivate him to do it himself. I would have been mortified if my parents thought they needed to help me move at that age. Wouldn’t you have?
Just thought of another perspective. How would your son view you cancelling your trip? Would he think you don’t have confidence in his adult abilities? Or will he think you might hold this over his head in the future, blaming him (even indirectly) for not getting to go on this long-awaited adventure?
If he has questions, you can talk with him on the phone from the road. You can arrange for him to store stuff at your house temporarily. And you can be home before he actually leaves town.
Worst case, he doesn’t get the job and doesn’t have to feel extra guilty that he also ruined your trip.
We would never cancel the trip, he would feel awful, and there’s nothing much for us to do…but we return on a Sunday, and he would be leaving Wednesday. DH and I will have used all our vacation time to take the trip, which is why we might cut one or two days off. It’s really not that he needs us, it’s that we will miss him. We’ll cross the bridge when we get to it. our other kid lives 300 miles away, so I know we can do this. But, jeez…
I don’t want him to NOT get the job, I also don’t want to pretend to be enjoying the trip when DH and I are both thinking the time is better spent here, helping him pack and move and generally seeing him. But it’s stupid to cancel it. Our plan at the moment is to go ahead and go, and if he’s offered the job, to turn for home at that point, cancelling reservations as necessary. It would also mean we miss a grad school graduation (but those parties will completely get it, no worries)