<p>On another thread, a current college student gave advice to a prospective minority student who was uneasy about attending a school with a small minority population. The current student said that he sees “fitting in” in an active way:</p>
<p>“In my perspective, fitting in is an active term, not passive. It’s about opening up yourself and adapting to the environment instead of letting others adapt to you. If you take on the initiative to actively merge, there is no way that you couldn’t find a group of people with whom you feel comfortable around.” </p>
<p>I’ve never reallly liked the term “fitting in” but we’ve talked on other threads about the pros and cons of selecting a school where a student feels comfortable; where there are enough like minded peers. That’s not the conversation I am thinking of here. </p>
<p>Rather, as we send our kids off to the school that, for whatever reasons (money, campus, subject specializations, prestige, geographic area, you name it) turns out to have the best “fit” as we/they see it right now, how can we support them as they learn that “fit” is also an active process? </p>
<p>Sure, getting out and doing things is vital. But it is also about how they think about and approach their environment, both academically and socially. </p>
<p>Thoughts?</p>
<p>I’m not sure that I really understand the question. But, I can say that I don’t think any campus has a single culture and “fitting in” is probably more about finding groups of like-minded students on any campus. </p>
<p>I don’t think students need to fit in. There are sure to be kids like them. They just need to find them. In addition, they should open themselves up to spendign time with kids who are NOT like them. This also has nothing to do with fitting in. It’s about growth and they’ll probably have to endure the discomfort associated with it. But, it’ll become easier as they get used to the idea of forcing themselves to be around people who are different. They’ll learn the art of listening and asking questions. They’ll learn not to be judgemental. They’ll learn not to react quickly to cultural differences. </p>
<p>In my office we have a Russian gentleman who is our Information Systems guru. We call him when we can’t get our laptops to do what we want, etc. Most of my colleagues hate to talk to him because he YELLS at us…literally yells. He’s also curt and says things like “I did NOT tell you to click next, why did you do THAT?!!” LOL. But, if you spend enough time with him, you’ll see that he is genuinely helpful and nice - but this would only become evident for someone who took the time. He just has a different way of communicating professionally. I’m sure it’s cultural. This is part of what our kids have to learn. If I were placed into a room full of guys like this, I would never fit in and wouldn’t even try. But, I would learn to be tolerant and wouldn’t be offended by being spoken to in a harsh manner.</p>
<p>I like the term “tolerant” or “understanding” better than “fitting in”. I don’t see any need or benefit from trying to fit in. Everyone brings something to the table. </p>
<p>Also, I hope kids will allow themselves enough time to find their comfort zone. Often, the first group of friends doesn’t end up being the group they wind up being closest to. It takes time to get to know people.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I know what the question is either. Of course everyone should make the effort to learn and adhere to the norms of peers. Is that what you mean by “fitting in?” Or does an individual need to be accepted as a peer before one is “fitting in?” Perhaps it can be said that one is “fitting in” only when the individual is indistinguishable from others in the group. As for “fit” I defer to the excellent opinions on CC thread <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=52353[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=52353</a></p>
<p>I think anyone that has moved as a child will have learned about fitting in. When you grow up and go through all the same schools with the same bunch of friends you don’t really have to stretch socially or learn how to fit in. Your friends will tolerate your quirks and you can pretty much be yourself all the time.</p>
<p>When you move and are the new kid, everything changes. You suddenly have to find new friends and you might want to find some that are just like your old ones or maybe just go with whatever group will take you in. Or if you move in HS, you might re-invent yourself. </p>
<p>Isn’t that what happens in college too?</p>
<p>Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I was asking less about fitting in than fit. More like - it seems a good fit now, at the end of senior year, but how will it feel a year from now… or three years from now. I guess I was just tryng to say that just as the poster I quoted believed he had to be active to fit in, that our kids may need to be active too - to maintain the fit, or rediscover ways the school still fits. </p>
<p>For example, if the LAC starts to seem too small with too few new faces, maybe it is time to explore those study abroad options that looked so good when you were evaluating the campus. Or to go into the city that is so close by, which seemed so important during the selection process, but which you actually go to almost never. Maybe it is time to try eating in another dining hall, or to move off campus. If your work study job is boring, maybe now with a few terms under your belt you’ll feel ready to seek out that research job that they like to reserve for upperclassmen.</p>
<p>I guess I am thinking of fit in a more active way…</p>