Fledglings Squawk at Empty Nest

[TheDad]

<p>Sometimes, I just don't have a clue. '</p>

<p>I e-mailed D about our weekend plans, which include going to the Renaissance Faire on our anniversary, which had been our custom before D arrived on the scene. She started coming with us at age 5 and we got away from going so early...have to dodge ballet classes and the like, you know...but it's been an annual event that all three of us enjoy.</p>

<p>I received back a blistering e-mail, which could probably qualify as a "rant," to the effect that it was so mean mean mean for us to go without her, no mind that it will be long gone before she gets home in July, and this brought back all the bitter memories of how she'd been left at a friend's house when she was four and we brought home a shield with a gryphon on it for her but now is worse because she knows what she's missing even though that was twelve (fourteen, actually) years ago.</p>

<p>Whew. There was a passionate college essay if only she had thought of it.</p>

<p>I thought that with the fledgling out of the nest, I thought life scheduling would be <em>easier</em> without considering D's schedule.</p>

<p>I suspect it's a good thing we're taking her to "Spamalot" in NYC. </p>

<p>Anyone else experience these out-of-leftfield jolts from offspring regarding the supposedly empty nest or am I just lucky?</p>

[Lhasa]

<p>So, I guess now would not be a good time to rent out her room, either. ;)</p>

[over30]

<p>Every time I talk to mine the first question is "what are ya'll doing?" He hasn't said much about being left out, but that may be more because he's not saying anything rather than because he's not feeling it. And it's not like he's missing uber excitement, just hanging out, playing cards, watching movies - normal stuff. He is looking forward to coming home this summer. When I married and moved faaaaaar from home I remember feeling a little left out. You might remind her of all the cool stuff you're missing at her school!</p>

[marite]

<p>Thedad:</p>

<p>Well, your D has a good memory if she can recall what happened when she was 4. My S claims not to remember our trips to Asia, Europe (twice) and various parts of North America (so much for travel broadening his mind). </p>

<p>Sounds like Mom and Dad are not the only ones who have been experiencing separation pangs. I agree that now is not the time for converting her room to other purposes.</p>

[cheers]

<p>What great stories. </p>

<p>We cannot seem to get ours to answer the phone or call us. However, when I sent an email reporting that S2 was going to visit friends in the US and we were going to parts unknown, he sent back an quick reply saying that he and two buddies had decided to grab an 8 hour bus ride to visit Montreal! (Loved it).</p>

[fireflyscout]

<p>When I was in college, my parents gave away my dog! Okay, so my father had broken his leg in four places and was worried about my dog jumping on him. But they gave away my dog!</p>

[sac]

<p>Over several summers the three of us played Myst -- a narrative computer game that takes (us, anyway) pretty much a whole summer to complete.</p>

<p>Our son's coming home -- mainly because he didn't get organized soon enough to get himself an opportunity to go elsewhere -- and out of the blue, he suddenly said: we should play Myst. It struck me as acknowledgement that it will probably be his last summer home, and a kind of nostalgia. Of course, when he gets here, we don't actually expect to see him long enough to do anything. </p>

<p>I'd love to see Spamalot! Lucky D and TheDad.</p>

[bookiemom]

<p>TheDad: I have a college soph. D (my only D, though there are two older stepbrothers) who flings zingers our way like this every now and then. One thing I find quite helpful at these times is to remind myself that it's not just about the topic of the current snit. In your case here, theD is sad because you are going to RenFaire without her, and it churns up some sad old memories of other times you and theMom went without her. But in a larger sense it is also reminding her that you and theMom are having a life now without her... </p>

<p>Sometimes I think my college D just likes to think I am waiting here at home for her with everything just the same--waiting for the return of the traveling princess. It's painful for them to think that life back home goes on without them, and then there is the difficult lesson to be learned at about this stage of life that you can't be in two places (or lives) at once...or have your cake and eat it too...or stay a girl and still grow up.</p>

<p>My good friend got a long, snippy email from her D who was mad because my friend wouldn't allow her to take a bunch of her college friends to their summer cottage for a weekend. I asked my friend what she did about the email and she said "that's what the delete button is for!"</p>

[JeepMOM]

<p>haha - all we have to do is mention to the far away child that we are going to a Red Sox game and the twit snits!! lol - that's what she gets for going to school soooo far away - aaawwwww poor babe hahaha</p>

[irishforever]

<p>Not only have we been told by our children that we are not allowed to move, but I try not to mention what I am making for dinner while talking to DD, just in case she gets cranky that she is not there to eat one of her fave meals! They all get homesick whether they want to admit it or not!! Come to think of it, I would like to go back and live in my hometown someday (oh--wait--I forgot that we are not allowed to move!)</p>

[texas137]

<p>recurring separations because of our jobs has been a recurring theme of our marriage. We have a tradition going back to before S was born of saying "don't have fun w/o me!" whenever it comes up that someone is going someplace or doing something that another one can't join in on. Then afterwards, when the event is related, it's always punctuated with "but I didn't have fun w/o you!".</p>

[kissy]

<p>I'm almost jealous, theDad! Seems like since my D arrived at school, she hit the floor running and hasn't had the time/inclination to look back! She'll only be home for a few days this summer- long enough to sleep in her own bed, recharge, and see her HS friends. She's the independent woman we raised her to be, and it's all so bittersweet :confused:</p>

[kissy]

<p>I love your saying, Texas137!</p>

[TheDad]

<p>Kissy, D seems to want it all...independence and all the old stuff, too.</p>

<p>Talked to her last night while we were out to dinner...she mooped that we were in one of her favorite Mexican restaurants and she missed the flautas. I had Googled earlier in the day and given her the dates of a Ren Faire in Vermont this June.</p>

<p>Marite, no, definitely not converting the room. And that's as much for our comfort as hers. It works fine as a guest room as is.</p>

[JeepMOM]

<p>Kissy - we must have seperated-at-birth twins - and yes!! - very bittersweet :( I totally agree</p>

[jamimom]

<p>LOL, TheDad, you and TheMom provided a wonderful life for her! Of course she will miss these things. </p>

<p>I wasn't out of our house yet, before they were fighting over my room. We lived in a 3 bedroom house and the two boys shared the middle sized bedroom wheras I was basically housed in a closet with a window. So my brothers were both hot for my room, even as Mom and Dad had their own plans. Made me feel really good.</p>

<p>PS The older brother got the room after a heated campaign. The younger one sobbed that first night how unfair that birth order was such a strong factor while the older one realized that the room was ridiculously small and that the "loser" (the younger brother) now had a big room for himself.</p>

[cathymee]

<p>How dare you have an outing or adventure,or any fun at all w/o your child !LOL. We're supposed to sit on the couch with our hands nicely folded in our laps,awaiting their return for vacation periods.They can go off and have any adventure they want, but nothing at home is supposed to change.My D was upset last year because I replaced the dining room chairs without consulting her first (no joke) even though she probably wouldn't even notice if I hadn't told her!</p>

[Maize_amp_Blue]

<p>We put the Christmas Tree in a different room last year, and both kids totally freaked out when they came home and saw the change!</p>

[jyber209]

<p>TheDad, I suspect that semester-end pressure might be making the home front activities look even more appealing than usual. After all, Ren Faire does not require pulling an all-nighter!</p>

<p>For what it is worth, hubby, son and I spent the weekend in Annapolis where the Smith Glee Club was reprising its Verdi's Requiem concert at the Naval Academy. My D was housed at the Admiral's house, but we did get together for dinner, and she mentioned to me that your D seems very happy at Smith.
So your D is not spending ALL her time focusing on what she is missing in CA!</p>

<p>They do have trouble imagining that we can have a life without them! When my D was about four, she asked me how hubby and I had managed before she came along. "Weren't you lonely without me?" she plaintively asked.</p>

[massmom]

<p>My oldest was home for passover for about 24 hours, couldn't wait to go back - even if if it is for finals. Will be home for the summer, but will probally be his last. The youngest is worst - doesn't want us to do anything without him. Still takes it out on me when I am gone for a few days - but reminds me that he is about to leave.</p>