Flip side.

Parent Cafe
1

<p>So we are the sandwich generation- my 26 year old doesn’t need me and neither does my 18 year old ( unless she needs a ride)- but my mother wants not only for me to call her everyday- but come over several times a week and entertain her.</p>

<p>( which I don’t do- because really, nothing entertains her unless a gossip show is on)</p>

<p>However, I have learned to stand up for myself- have learned to try and be clear about what I want from people- If I want advice, I will ask for it- If I need to vent- I will ask if it is OK if I vent & if someone starts firing questions at me that aren’t any of their business/ I don’t want to answer, I change the subject and tell them why.
I’ve had to learn to do those things as a matter of survival & my kids are able to do it much better.</p>

<p>I think many of us who were raised in the 60’s/70’s had parents who live in egocentricville. I know I am very envious of those who admire their parents & wish that my kids had any sort of extended family that could have given them while positive attention while they were growing up.</p>

<p>But I am very stubborn & I have learned to carve out a life where I feel I can make a difference & I at times find great happiness and peace.</p>

<p>I mention this not just because my mother is throwing another fit because she has made a mess of her life and reality bites,
but because I have read many posts on CC by students who are having a tough time and feel like they don’t have much support from family.</p>

<p>I want them to know, that time does help & as they broaden their persective and experience- they can find that they are very happy with the person they have become- even if that person is not who others think they should be.</p>

<p>those people who tell you that high school or even college are the best years of your life are simply insane.</p>

2

<p>Your last sentence is SO true - thank God! I work with seniors every day, most of whom give every appearance of being reasonably happy and well-adjusted. This despite the fact that almost all of them have seen their health or mobility diminished, and their finances likewise; more than half of the women have lost a spouse; an appreciable number of men are widowed as well; all of them have lost many dear friends; and many of them live great distances from their children. Few of them have daily contact with their children, and few of them seem to want or need it. Most of them have a dread of being a burden to their children - this is probably their single most common characteristic, apart from gray hair and glasses.</p>

<p>Believe me, I know how stubborn an older person can be, so your mom may well resist this suggestion (especially if you make it :slight_smile: ), but her world could change so much for the better if she could find a senior residence, center, or group to occupy her time. Peers become just as important in old age as they are in adolescence, imo. I’ve seen older people drag each other out of depression time and again. </p>

<p>Probably people who are bitter and regretful, as your mom seems to be, expect more from their children than is reasonable or necessary. It’s not too late for her to make herself happy. If she isn’t willing to, I’m glad you don’t feel it’s your job to do it.</p>