What an exhausting run this has been. Traveled from the East Coast to Texas for DS’s date with the Texas legal system.
Never connected with @curmudgeon or got responses from a few others who had offered local contacts. Went in with who we had. In hindsight, DEFINITELY recommend hitching your wagon to an insider.
As one of you had forewarned us, it turns out the local court system is in huge disarray after a big political upheaval a few months back so disposition of a case is completely unpredictable. Defense attorney went back and forth w the district attorney over who DS is as a person, about the fact he works w inner city youth. Got an offer for DS to take a year of probation and to stay clean, and he would have deferred adjudication for a year. At that point, if all was good, the judge would dismiss the case. He could do his drug testing from hometown and mail them in. They never allow mail in testing so this was a coup. Lawyer was thrilled to have gotten that offer given the extreme conservative view towards weed in Waco. DS was not happy. Kept resisting. Did not make sense that he was. Lawyer got pretty aggressive w him. DS finally caved.
So DS is in jail last night. and tonight. But not for the original charges. The judge a typical old Southern bible belter, was pissed that he doesn’t get it. I have to admit I agree with the old guy. I’ll explain below.
He will be released Sat evening. He came planning to plead guilty and take going to jail for the mandatory minimum of three days. and having it on his record, to “get it over with”. He refused diversion option offered to first timers of a year of a clean record, drug tests, and whatever else the judge might have thrown in. He would have had to come down a second time to sign paperwork. He refused claiming he wanted it over with and that his friends told him having it on his record would be no big deal. He also did not want to incur the expense of one more return trip to sign agreement papers. Told him he was being shortsighted. He would not budge. Eventually we just hoped the DA would see the merit or lack thereof of the charges (he had less than 1 gram-enough for one fat joint). Didnt happen.
Once a deal is negotiated w a DA in the back room, case goes in to court before the judge. They went into the court room. Judge reviewed the deal then asked DS some questions. DS had been coached to answer honestly; that this judge is known for asking questions to determine honestly level of defendents. When he learned DS has been using since the original charge Jan 1, he was pissed. Judge ramped up DS’ deal-DS has to undergo monthly drug testing, do a substance course, specifically stated he may not use marijuana, may NOT hang w the two friends he was with for original charges (who were subsequently not charged with anything-speeding or possession), may not travel out of our county without permission, and would have to go to jail for two days as a spanking for stupidity. He has a probation officer. It would still be the delayed adjudication deal but with some pain and hassle attached. I secretly applauded the judge. DS feels he should have just plead guilty, done his jail time, and taken the permanent record. I hate this age.
Great resolution and I also applaud this judge! Thanks for the follow up. I have never heard of a sentence like the one your S got. Sounds like a good deal to me.
Thank you for updating - I don’t think I have quite absorbed what happened, but from the sounds of it, I suppose it could have been much worse. I suppose it also could have been easier if he wasn’t so hard headed. Who are these friends telling him it is no big deal to have this on his record? While I find it odd that a judge can tell you who you can or cannot hang out with, if they were the ones giving him that advice, maybe it is for the best. Frankly, that court system scares the bajeebees out of me. It’s just so odd with it legal in some places, and soooo illegal there. I hope he tows the line for the next 12 months. Maybe a couple nights in jail will emphasize the need to do that.
After dealing with all this, I hope you find some mental rest soon! Glass of wine and a hot tub soak is in order for you. Hugs.
Thanks for the update–I was really wondering how this would pan out. Could have been worse–not sure why your son thought it might be only three days in jail when it could be six months. Hope he makes it through the drug testing–it’ll be hard if it’s legal in his state. (I must say his friends don’t seem very bright but then it’s not their legal record.)
Thanks for the update. I’m sorry to say that I’m not optimistic that this year will go smoothly given your son’s stance on all this, but kudos to you for doing what you could in a tough situation.
Well, lightheartedly, not sure about the wine (no comfort substances in response to a kid with a comfort substance offense, I mean.)
Yes, you tried (and are still) to be the best parent you can be. Hugs.
There’s “honest” and there’s wise- I wouldn’t have wanted him to admit further use in that context. But that was the attorney’s baliwick, not mine. Imo, the judge wasn’t just looking for simple honesty, but evidence of good sense.
What do you think are the chances he’ll avoid the friends and pass monthly testing, living in (I assume) a legal state? The judge is asking for a proof positive that he’s minding his p’s and q’s and thinking rationally- that’s going to require some self management. And that requires some seriousness/maturity. And if he fails to follow through?
At this point, I know you need to catch your breath. But your own personal counseling may help you sort your own options and to find some peace over the next few years, while he grows.
I’m sure it will be a very long year for you and your S. Fingers crossed. Hoping a few nights in jail will adjust his perspective on the situation. Hugs to you.
@lookingforward A local attorney had taken us aside and shared local knowledge. As the deal picture evolved and it was clear who our judge would be, he (correctly) shared that DS needed to be prepared for the judge to ask some tough questions. He actually did a role play session w DS. He explained that the judge uses that as a means of gauging the defendant and their truthfulness. He asked for names of friends before cutting them out. He can set whatever terms he wants for probation so that’s where the stay away from your friends comes in.
DS had to answer truthfully because any plea deal was going to come with mandated drug testing. Apparently weed stays in your system as long as 90 days depending on the particular test.
I learned my kid feels anxiety and prefers weed as a way to deal with it. He is very resistant to counseling and refuses to go on any pharmaceutical products. We knew his last 18 months had been stressful but did not realize he feels anxiety to such an extent.
If he fails a drug test, which appears likely based on his need to use it to deal with his anxiety, he fails his probation terms and the judge will not dismiss his current case. If he fails a drug test, judge says he will be charged with a felony. I’m not optimistic-he is not open to any alternatives-but I will still try to get options on the table in front of him. Clearly he needs professional help. At his age, though, it’s his call.
@grandscheme It’s tough to parent. We all look to a certain age and hope for the best. More CC parents than I previously would have guessed are dealing with yong adults still growing up. But as I said, we’re here for you. You may benefit from a good counselor, especially when the other party won’t or can’t.
I agree with you on “I hate this age.” Some kids can be infuriating when they believe the advice of a friend over the advice of a seasoned adult. There is just no changing their minds. I hope some of this sinks in for him, and he comes around on the importance of meeting his obligations for the next year.
Conditions of probation can include restrictions on who a person may hang out with. The intention is to keep you from temptation or reverting to old habits. There was a story in the news recently about two Mafia guys whose probation didn’t allow them to associate or be in the same place. They were both invited to the same wedding. One went to the ceremony and had to be out of the building before the other one could go into the reception.
I feel for you. My 23 year old son is his own worst enemy as well. These kids just don’t see the big picture in the long run. I really wish you could convince your son to treat his anxiety and depression without drugs like pot. Would he consider acupuncture or holistic treatment? Maybe some CBT short term therapy? Good luck to you.
OTOH, a year is still a long time–maybe the laws will change enough to let him off the hook.
Even TX has some limited use of marijuana now. (just probably not Waco…)
No chance of law change @gouf78. The Texas Legislature only meets every other year. 2019 will have a session from January to May but new laws would take effect 9/1/19. The state R party just adopted resolutions favoring some limited MJ legalization and civil penalties for user amounts (yes, even here in TX) so this may actually happen, just not in time.
@grandscheme Kudos to you for hanging in there. This turned out about like I would have expected given the facts. Important safety tip: if your S uses pot (or otherwise violates) and gets revoked, NO guarantees he will just do three days. At all. IME you could expect 30-60 days at revocation. The sweetheart 3 day deal is usually only be offered at the original plea, not for a revocation. You would have to check with your local attorney for the most accurate info on this but your S may take this more seriously knowing he’s not just facing three days if he messes up.
In TX a standard condition of probation is “avoid people and places of harmful or disreputable character” so the judge’s order on the friends is well within his authority. Also, avoid using CBD oil in vapes or topically (or at all.) It can show up as a THC presumptive positive and cause a lot of unnecessary worry. Just avoid.
“Even in Washington state, where recreational pot has been legal since 2012, lawmakers have not passed a law that specifically lets people clear old pot offenses. (Those convicted of certain nonviolent crimes, including marijuana-related ones, can already apply to vacate their records but must wait years after completing their sentences; five for some low-level felonies and three for misdemeanors.)”
This is a scenario that your son (and his friends) needs to know. This kind of stuff follows you around for YEARS way over and above the actual crime. It’s HARD to get it off your record and that record follows you into professional licensing, loan approval, housing.
http://time.com/76356/a-misdemeanor-conviction-is-not-a-big-deal-right-think-again/
A part of this article mentions pardon for a crime as an avenue…I know someone actually working on this for a client who has a record from over 30 YEARS ago. One time offense. Clean record since. Nope. There are just too many people ahead of him in line.
That was my thought. What a strange story. A shame he resisted legal advice that might have closed this. Many places have dropped these types of infractions to misdeameanor status too. Pay a fine and on your way.
@lookingforward Facebook. Instagram. Asking him. Concerned family members calling. A new police report that shows them all together during a traffic stop or arrest. This is a misdemeanor charge just not a fine only (Class C) misdemeanor.