<p>I sent the following email to S’ GC (slightly edited for cc). I cc’d the Head of GC and the principal (my first - or second?- mistake)
</p>
<p>I received back, two days later, a very unhappy email from GC. She was offended that I tried to tell her how to do her business, very offended that I cc’d principal (felt that I absolutely should not have mentioned help w ED dilemma). She said that S is a “remarkable young man” and there is no way to know that another student w his stats would ever receive such merit awards, as the landscape varies from year to year.</p>
<p>I immediately emailed back my sincerest apology and said that I am still trying to think of how I can best make amends.</p>
<p>Now what?
Meanwhile, the head of GC has already emailed her thanks for my suggestion and asked that we meet so we can explore it further. I can’t even bear the thought of showing my face in the office - it is a small school, small office. I have always had a GREAT relationship with the GC until now.
What can I do?</p>
<p>jm, I think that you absolutely did the right thing. I think that the GC is a little thin skinned. Maybe she is being attacked on different fronts and that’s why she reacted in such a manner.</p>
<p>Helping the G Department and the HS be more successful is never bad. I suggest that you meet with the head of the department and not worry about the GC.</p>
<p>I think what you wrote was totally appropriate. The problem is with the GC, not you. I know it is uncomfortable for you right now, but obviously your message was well-received by the higher-ups!</p>
<p>I think that your note was very nicely done. I agree with deb. It may be that the GC is getting dumped on now by a lot of unhappy students and was therefore thin skinned about your note, which truly was tactful, supportive and helpful.</p>
<p>I agree with all of the above; your letter was well done.
When S#1 graduated a year ago, I was very happy with his GC. She had helped us find a perfect school for him and he also got aid. I talked to her at the end of the school year, since S#2 was going to be working with her this year and was totally amazed to find that she had basically been “invited” to leave. So you sometimes just don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes.</p>
<p>You must have put a lot of time into that very well written note. I don’t see anything offensive in it, and you have thanked her profusely, and multiple times.
Some people just don’t take suggestions well…they’re perfect, and there’s no room for improvement.</p>
<p>jmmom - I agree with deb922, MomofWildChild, Northstarmom, et al. You’ve sent your note of apology to the GC, which was a very gracious thing to do. Now schedule that meeting with the head of GC. My D, and many like her I’m sure, would not be headed to private university this Fall without a merit scholarship. The subject is an important one.</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with what you said. As Chocoholic said, some people cannot take suggestions well. The subject is very important and invaluable for people to know…</p>
<p>Jmmom, you are one of the most insightful posters here. Some of your posts should be archived for posterity. I am surprised that the GC took it that way.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much. I knew I would get help here. My punched-in-the-gut feeling after her email was immediately followed by a who-can-I-talk-to which was interrupted by the obvious! CC! </p>
<p>Thanks for the support. Is there any other way I can make amends to her?</p>
<p>I agree with all the above, but I wonder if your GC would have reacted differently had you written just to her, instead of copying her superiors. It can be a red flag to some people to see that…whenever I get a business letter that copies an attorney, for example, it always raises my hackles. I think your letter was complimentary (very!), and your suggestions excellent. But it’s possible that she took the fact that you copied her bosses with suggestions on how she could do better as implicitly a criticism sent over her head. Just a thought.</p>
<p>I don’t think you need to make amends. Do you have other children in school; will it affect them if you do? But you did the absolute right thing, so why should you make amends?</p>
<p>I don’t think that you need to make amends to her. You have done nothing wrong. She is the one with the problem. Frankly, she should be apologizing to you! There’s nothing you can do about the fact that she can not take suggestions and doesn’t recognize very blatant compliments and appreciation either.</p>
<p>What I suggest that you do is meet with the head GC, who seems interested in your advice.</p>
<p>You truly are a thoughtful person to be willing to share your info with the GCs. So many parents and students are happy to take GCs’ help, but do not share any of their own hard-won information nor do they give any praise or thanks for the GCs’ assistance.</p>
<p>I also don’t see anything wrong with copying superiors. The note contained general suggestions as well as very strong compliments about the GC’s work. Frankly, the note would be a nice addition to the GC’s personnel file.</p>
<p>If the GC had had good sense, she would have leaped on the opportunity to follow up by finding out what she could do to be even more effective. In fact, she might have decided to send around a note to seniors and their parents asking them to pass on lessons they had learned through their college application experience.</p>
<p>The GC’s negative reaction is what may make her supervisor take a closer look at her performance because it seems very clear that the GC is not interested in suggestions to improve her work.</p>
<p>Your note was not only well done and on target, but precisely what I have suggested to the counseling staff at my S’s school! Even down to offering to draft something for them to hand out, or helping them conduct a merit aid seminar for parents!</p>
<p>I’ve gotten feedback from them that they hadn’t thought it necessary to focus on merit awards separate from financial aid, but that they are thinking this is a good idea and will get back to me this summer to work something out. (Our HS is about to graduate only its fourth senior class, so they are still working out the “right” processes.) Your suggestions were good ones, and your note was not a “dis” of the GC – you have nothing to make amends for.</p>
<p>I didn’t say it was wrong to copy superiors, just pointing out that the GC might have not have reacted so defensively if there had not been even the slightest hint that a criticism had been sent to the boss. Jmmom asked for suggestions on how to repair what had been a great relationship, not whether or not the GC reacted rationally to her note. One way would be to emphasize that she hadn’t been trying to go over her head with a criticism.</p>
<p>Jmmom,
I agree with everyone else that the merit aid subject is important, and I dont see anything wrong with what you have written. As others have suggested, there may something going on behind the scenes, or your GC may be feeling overwhelmed and overworked. Maybe on that day, the last thing she wanted to see was a note from a parent who had suggestions that could make her job more complicated, and it was (horrors!) ccd to her supervisors. It seems clear from her response that she overlooked or ignored your gratitude and appreciation for what she had accomplished. Im overanalyzing, but who knows? Maybe at some level shes feeling guilty because other students may have missed out on some merit opportunities. Do you think you have a strong enough relationship with her to try to talk before you meet with the GC supervisor? This is her problem, not yours, but if she sees you walk into the GC office, go to the head of the department and avoid her, shell probably view that as proof you were criticizing her. Your important message could get lost in her rather puzzling resentment.</p>
<p>I think that your letter was not only well-intended, but beautifully expressed. It appears that the only negative thing about the letter was its UNINTENDED effect on the GC. I, like others, believe that she seriously overreacted to this letter.</p>
<p>If the GC felt like there were anything objectionable in this correspondence, I think that it is probably the fact that you copied in the principal. Our own GC (who is neither as informed nor as well-intended as yours) would have reacted in the same way. She tends to be <strong>very</strong> defensive and somewhat childish in her reactions to everything. I do sympathize with you in that there appears to be a necessity to handle your GC with kid gloves.</p>
<p>Please do not let this event make YOU feel like you have done anything wrong. It is clear to me that you did not. </p>
<p>If it were I in this situation, I would have offered an apology (which you have ALREADY DONE!), not for the content of the letter but for the unintended effect it had on her. Then, just move on and realize that her reaction was excessive. Do NOT be afraid or embarrassed to go in and have that meeting with the head of GC…MANY parents will appreciate your generous and well-intended efforts!</p>
<p>I’m so sorry that you have been made to feel this way…:(</p>
<p>I agree with all - great note; nice tone and best intentions. Must be more going on than you know about. Don’t apologize…many others will benefit from your suggestion.</p>
<p>You did absolutely nothing wrong-in fact most Guidance Offices would welcome any parental feedback and suggestion for ways to provide even better service. Some people are just defensive by nature and don’t understand the difference between criticism and constructive criticism. </p>
<p>I’m glad that the head of the department understands that their purpose is to provide students and parents with the best information possible. Hold your head up high when you visit the school. The GC should be the one apologizing.</p>