<li><p>A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq ft house 4 inches deep.</p></li>
<li><p>If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with Roller blades, they can ignite.</p></li>
<li><p>A 3-year-old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant; a 14-year-old boy’s voice is inaudible at the dinner table.</p></li>
<li><p>If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.</p></li>
<li><p>You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. </p></li>
<li><p>The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.</p></li>
<li><p>When you hear the toilet flush and the words, “uh oh,” it’s already too late.</p></li>
<li><p>Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.</p></li>
<li><p>A 6-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says it can only be done in movies.</p></li>
<li><p>Several Legos can pass safely through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old boy. </p></li>
<li><p>Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.</p></li>
<li><p>Super glue is forever.</p></li>
<li><p>No matter how much Jell-O you dump in a swimming pool you still won’t be able to walk on water.</p></li>
<li><p>Pool filters do not like Jell-O.</p></li>
<li><p>VCRs do not eject “PB&J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.</p></li>
<li><p>Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.</p></li>
<li><p>Vacuum nozzles do not accommodate bananas.</p></li>
<li><p>Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.</p></li>
<li><p>You probably do NOT want to know what’s making that odor under the bed.</p></li>
<li><p>Always look in the oven before turning it on; plastic soldiers hiding from the enemy do not like ovens. </p></li>
<li><p>The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.</p></li>
<li><p>It will, however, make cats dizzy.</p></li>
<li><p>Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.</p></li>
<li><p>80 percent of women who read this will pass it on to almost all their friends, with or without kids.</p></li>
<li><p>80 percent of men who read this will secretly want to check out that brake fluid and Clorox tip.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Methinks many of those boys will end up in engineering schools.<br>
Get these guys into Science Teams right away. It’s better that the ceiling of the gym be dented by the bottle rockets than the ceiling of your house.</p>
<p>Unless they want a two hour lecture and a few phone calls to their parents, boys should not ring the geology professor at the unviersity to inquire about acquiring ingredients for explosives.</p>
<p>Scrap metal lugged home from a building site is unlikely to be sufficient material to build a full sized airplane in your mother’s front hall.</p>
<p>I had meant to add that everyone should add “examples” of their own and things-learned-from-girls, or tomboys rather, are welcome too (equal opportunity always.)</p>
<p>I should disclose that this list was emailed to me by a friend although I added the vacuum and banana one myself. And both my sons did play hackysack baseball with the ceiling fans, but thankfully, did not break windows. </p>
<p>And Marite: In the spirit of lightening up, “slacker pill” was a good one.</p>
<p>The only one I could add from experience (the bottle rocket having been fired by my S and made a dent into the gym’s celing) is to check whether it’s okay to empty the egg bin in order to do the egg drop experiment. It’s not life threatening but mighty annoying for the cook!</p>
<p>It’s possible for three 14 year-old boys, with no prior carpentry skills, to learn to use power tools well enough to build a catapult that can fling a rock clear across the street through a neighbors window.</p>
<p>A second floor balcony is not the best place for the initial flight of a rubber-band powered airplane you spent hours meticulously building. </p>
<p>Items larger than your head don’t flush well.</p>
<p>A large garbage bag, a drinking straw and scotch tape do not make a functional underwater breathing device. </p>
<p>Duct tape works much better (see above).</p>
<p>In fact, duct tape fixes everything. </p>
<p>Tide and shampoo do not belong in the dishwasher. </p>
<p>If you wet your hair and your towel, and splash some water in the tub, mom will believe you took a bath. Oh wait . . . that one didn’t pass the smell test.</p>
<p>Duct tape does not fix everything. In fact, it’s lousy at ducts. However, if you can’t fix it with superglue or WD-40 or duct tape, it might be time to call a professional (according to my son and my husband).</p>
<p>Superglue does a really good job of fixing paper cuts. However, it is possible to glue your fingers together.</p>
<p>When you roll your Match box cars out the second floor window, you can send your little brother out on the porch roof to retrieve the cars from the gutter but the neighbors get upset when they see a toddler in diapers on the roof of your parent’s house.</p>
<p>You can spray Lysol on the pilot flame of the water heater becasue it will, among other things, bring hundreds of firemen and loads of cool trucks to your house. </p>
<p>Just because it’s dark doesn’t mean the boxes of beer you hide in the garden won’t be visible in the morning.</p>
<ol>
<li>How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
> Unique Up On It.
>
> 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
> Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
>
> 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
> They Take The Psycho Path
>
> 4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
> You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
>
> 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
> Dam!
>
> 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
> Polaroid’s
>
> 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn’t work?
> A Stick
>
> 8… What Do You Call Cheese That Isn’t Yours?
> Nacho Cheese.
>
> 9… What Do You Call Santa’s Helpers?
> Subordinate Clauses.
>
> 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
> Quattro Sinko…
>
> 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
> Spoiled Milk.
>
> 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
> Frostbite.
>
> 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
> A Nervous Wreck.
>14. What’s The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
> Anyone Can Roast Beef.
>
> 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
> Right Where You Left Him.
>
> 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
> Because They Have Big Fingers.
>
> 17. Why Don’t Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
> Because It Scares The Dog.
>
> 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
> Sanka.
>
> 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
> The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
>
> 20. Why Did Pilgrims’ Pants Always Fall Down?
> Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
>
> 21. What’s The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
> A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
> A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
>
> 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
> Somebody’s Gonna Lose A Trailer</li>
</ol>
<p>The only child related thing I can think of right now is
even if you are naked and covered in baby powder your mother will still recognize you ( and your friend too)</p>
<p>Thank you all SO much!! this thread will be forwarded to everyone I know. Happy to have a good laugh this early in the day.</p>
<p>True story: Chef at Saratoga Racetrack is in charge of soups for the main restaurant. Tells the TV reporter he learned to make soup at Bellevue Hospital. “Yup,” he says, “I served soup to nuts !” Reporter was stunned…</p>
<p>Kitchen cabinet doors will break off at the hinges when a 4 yr. old boy lays across the top of an open one and pushes off with his feet to fly.</p>
<p>Covering up the drain in the shower with a washcloth to make a swimming pool was a great idea until he opend the door.</p>
<p>Little boys who wish to become firemen don’t realize how hard it is to cleanup the kitchen after they have put out the “fire” with the kitchen sink sprayer.</p>
<p>Teenage boys wrestling indoors vastly underestimate the strength of drywall.</p>
<p>“How could I have known that happened? It was dark.” The 16 yr. old boy says with surprise when noticing the rear end of his car dented in with parts of a bush sticking out of the trunk!</p>
<p>Why do I think this thread should be combined with the boys in crisis one? :)</p>
<p>To paraphrase Cheers, the boys are not in crisis because we don’t choose to categorize them so. Let’s hear it for budding experimental scientists!</p>
<p>C’mon, Marite. No fair mixing threads. That’s like letting the potato touch the meat or the peas get mixed in with the corn…</p>
<p>Great additions, everyone. Binx: I like the sweet one too. </p>
<ol>
<li> If it’s morning and still dark and he’s half asleep, it is possible for a boy to pull on a dress shirt and start to button it while it’s still on the hanger.</li>
</ol>