<p>I would be wary about any program on “learning how to learn” for a gifted kid – it might be perfect – but it might also be a program for those with severe learning challenges – check the program out throughly. </p>
<p>I am also wary of “98% success rate in transferring to a four year school”. WHAT four year schools? Doonesbury’s Walden? Details are very important.</p>
<p>I came in on this thread a bit late, but I relate to the situation and thought I’d throw our experience into the mix FWIW.</p>
<p>S1 was placed in the GATE program in 3rd grade but was always highly unmotivated and unorganized. He was diagnosed with ADD and a mood disorder in 5th grade. Medications leveled out his mood by high school but his grades were Cs and Ds, with the occasional F, which he would retake in summer school, always getting an A on the retake and bringing up his total GPA to around 2.8 when his As from sports were added in. He always told us he didn’t need to study or do homework because “I test well”. He was extremely disorganized, constantly late to school, sloppy, and surly, though he reserved the bad attitude for us, his parents. </p>
<p>By his senior year I was done. D.O.N.E. Trying to control/change/guide him was backfiring. He was always telling us how he didn’t need us, and we decided to take the approach of letting him sink or swim on his own. I quit checking his grades. I didn’t wake him up when he was obviously oversleeping for school. When he was told he might not graduate because he had too many tardies, I didn’t interfere. I still let him sleep. When he was short on credits and needed to arrange an online elective course to graduate, I kept my mouth shut and let him work it out (or not). He kept saying he wanted to go to college. We told him we would pay if he graduated but it was up to him.</p>
<p>The only area of involvement I maintained was making sure he took his medications. When he announced he was 18 and could make up his own mind about whether to take his meds, we agreed with him. We added, though, that taking his medication was a condition of living in our house, and since he was 18 we weren’t obligated to provide a home for him any more. He stayed and took the meds. </p>
<p>We planned to keep our promise about paying for college but obviously had concerns. Our solution was to stay completely out of the application process. We figured if he were organized enough to apply and get himself admitted somewhere, he might be successful, but a clear sign of unreadiness would be to need our help with the college search/applications. We stayed back so as to not muddy those waters.</p>
<p>His SATs were very good, though I can’t tell you what they were because I never looked at them. That’s how out of the process I stayed. On his own, he applied to some state schools and was accepted to two of them. He decided he wanted to attend the one that is 4 1/2 hours from our house. </p>
<p>At that point, we got involved. We tried to talk (and bribe!) him into staying home and gong to a CC, because we (and his doctors) were really sure he wouldn’t make it. He turned down our bribe and we followed through with our promise to pay, saying we’d evaluate it 1 year at a time. We had him take only 12 units the first semester to facilitate adjustment to the school. And we said he had to stay in the dorms, as opposed to an apartment, so he’d be getting at least some supervision.</p>
<p>He just finished his third year at college, and I am happy to report he’s thriving. His 3.0 GPA is a source of pride for him. When he looks back at high school, his comment is that his grades were so bad because he was forced to take those classes, and he’s happier now that he’s doing things on his own terms. That may be part of it. I personally suspect that our handing him the reins like that was 1) a statement that we really were going to let him grow up and didn’t want to control him his entire life, and 2) a bit of a humbling experience for him because once he quit fighting us, he realized he didn’t know everything. Three years into it, he’s definitely a lot nicer to us, and asks our advice. And he’s very responsibly working a full-time summer job. We agreed to let him move into an apartment this fall.</p>
<p>I think we need to stick together as parents, and support each other. It’s tough figuring out the best ways to approach our children, and every child is different. Good luck, OP.</p>
<p>I am an example of what happens when you send an immature child to a college he/she is not prepared for.</p>
<p>I was a freshmen at UC Davis. It is not an Ivy League, but well known in California. I was just like your son! I studied hard for the SAT’s, but I slacked during Senior year. I tried in Junior year but didn’t perform well either, due to having an eating disorder that caused me the inability to concentrate. So my foundations in Math and Chemistry were almost nonexistent. </p>
<p>In senior year, when I knew it didn’t matter(just had to get C’s), I REALLY REALLY did slack. This time I was recovering from my eating disorder so my cause of failure was just laziness. Pure laziness. I was napping during my Calculus exams! I didn’t think I would get into UC Davis, my dream school, so I decided to just kick back and relax and try when I got into SF State, which I was pretty confident that I would. Well, I ended up getting into UC Davis. I guess they really liked my personal statement, because really, my grades were not even close to good. </p>
<p>I got a D in Calculus, but I begged my math teacher to let me slide. And he did. I wish he didn’t. When I got to UC Davis, I was soooooooooooo lazy. I failed most of my classes, and am now dismissed. I have to attend a CC to complete lower division courses and then I will be guaranteed readmission to UC Davis. But still. My college GPA is ruined. </p>
<p>But senior year, I didn’t even want to go to UC Davis anymore. I wanted to go to SFState because I knew I didn’t have the foundation to perform well in such a rigorous school. But when my parents found out that I got into UC Davis, they wanted me to go. I had a bad feeling in my gut, so I kept postponing my SIR. When the day approached, i just made a rash decision. </p>
<p>I was just lazy. On top of that, I really didn’t want to be there at that time. i felt homesick for the first quarter. Lonely, depressed. Things would have worked out regardless of my weak foundations had I worked harder. But I didn’t. I wasn’t into drugs or partying. i promised I wouldn’t engage in those things to maximize my chances of excelling. But what a joke… I turned to my laptop and the internet to numb my sadness… and self motivation.</p>
<p>Don’t make decisions for your son now. He will soon be an adult, if he isn’t one already. This is one decision he must make for himself. In my opinion, if you send him to a expensive college, he’s just going to waste your money with that immature attitude of his. I see my reflection in him. If he can’t make the grades in high school, he won’t make it in college. It’s not about ability. It’s about habits. And bad habits are hard to break. The third quarter, I tried quite hard to pass all my classes. I still couldn’t do it. I had been lazy for too long that my brain just couldn’t adjust to the workload (19 units). </p>
<p>Another thing I would do is to not do everything for him now. My dad loves me so much, he spoiled me. He does all the chores in the house, wakes me up to go to school, drives me to school so i can nap in the car. That worked in high school. Without him forcing me, I wouldn’t have graduated from high school due to the absences in senior year. But in the long run, his spoiling made me lazy, unmotivated, disorganized, and irresponsible. </p>
<p>If your son can’t make it a decent, affordable college, have him attend a CC. There, he has some time to mature before moving on. </p>
<p>Best regards.</p>
<p>Thanks for posting this about your son. Everyone’s answers are encouraging and it’s good to hear another parent talk about it. I too, have a smart 20 year old who has always underachieved from grade school through high school. He started off at college really well as always, but his 2nd year was dismal. I think maybe he’s not quite ready and should have space to figure out what he wants to do, my husband insists we have to “hold him up” until he catches on. So torn!</p>
<p>Yeah, the problem with messing up in college is that there aren’t any “second chances”, so the best thing would be to make sure he wakes up, cops on, and stops “underachieving”.I would of course be sceptive of whether he is actually underachieving or if that is simply your coping mechanism for having a below average child, I realize its hard to come to terms with. </p>
<p>Sent from my SGH-T959V using CC</p>
<p>To #33…I never said he was gifted. I never commented at all on thinking he is smart. I said HE thinks he is too smart to have to study or otherwise. Plus, the public schools placed him in the highly gifted program where less than 5% of the kids in the school qualify to get in to. Now to add to it, based on his SAT scores alone, we have received letters from 2 of the 4 colleges he had them sent to stating that he is eligible for a scholarship. This includes his top choice school. </p>
<p>I do not want him to just continue to coast through school never really doing it.</p>
<p>This thread sounds just like my junior son. He is near failing in AP classes due to not doing “busy work”. Getting Bs on exams and As on other work he feels like doing is the only reason he is not actually failing. NM Commended and SAT score is 2000.</p>
<p>We don’t know what to do with him. We do think he thinks he is too smart to work hard when he doesn’t like something, and we have neuropsych and IQ testing to back it up.</p>
<p>Based on PSAT and SAT scores, he gets tons of email from presitgious schools. This is a major problem, it tells him he is doing just fine but he is not. His GPA is still about 3.5, but will be below 3.0 based on this year’s grades. His top choice gives merit aid based on test scores only, so he’d get over $15,000 worth of merit aid based on the SAT score alone, if he gets admitted. His ECs are good too, he seems to work harder on them than school.</p>
<p>I want him to try an online school, but my husband wants him to stick it out in regular HS. He does have a 504 plan that would be easier to deal with in an online school situation. It seems like getting the 504 plan made things worse for him, he is getting help with organization and scheduling, but he is ignoring work continually. He is even failing his favorite subject.</p>
<p>When asked, he doesn’t admit being depressed at all, he seems not to care at all. He enjoys playing video games occasionally and playing sports and hasn’t lost interest in non-school activities. It’s like he is tired of school, if he weren’t in advanced programs, I’d ask him if he would want to drop out for now and get a GED later.</p>
<p>Our D was forced out of HS after JR year because she had too many absences due to chronic medical condition. She did take the GED & started CC, where she did extremely well. She was pleased that there was far less busy work and she had much more control over her schedule than in HS. It was better for her limited stamina as well that she had MUCH more control over when her classes started and ended and didn’t have to be in school M-F, 7:45-3 or later.</p>
<p>Not sure people will find this–you may do bette starting a new thread of your own.</p>
<p>Sounds a lot like me, frankly.
Had a 4.0 in AP classes until midway though my sophomore year, when I decided I didn’t like jumping through hoops if I was learning anyway.
I made around a 3.0 from there on, and ended up with something like a 3.35.
Scored a 2000 on the SAT (never studied for it), and did well on all my AP tests. </p>
<p>Applied to schools all over the board, and got waitlisted at most of the schools to which I applied. Got accepted to my “safety” and ended up only paying $3500 per year, thanks to scholarships and grants and what not. So far I’ve got a 3.67 in mostly sophomore-level classes… College has less hoops to jump through, so I find it much easier to do what I should be doing. One lazy week did bring me from what was likely a 3.8 something to my 3.67, but compared to high school, it’s really not bad. </p>
<p>This goes for anyone…
I’d say make sure he’s got a financially feasible option, and hope for the best… A lot of the reasons for making poor grades in high school aren’t as much of a factor in college, so I wouldn’t worry about poor performance in college until it’s been seen.</p>
<p>Thank you for your responses. I am afraid of his mental state so telling him about your stories will help a lot to make him feel better that he has options even if his gpa drops. We really want him to do better but maybe this is it for him right now and college will be different.</p>
<p>I would try to find out from your S what is going on. For our kids, they had chronic illness which caused a lot of prolonged absences. It is really key to figure out the underlying issue(s). What you describe, including failing his favorite course is NOT normal. A bit more digging by you and the HS is in order, including a consult with a therapist.</p>
<p>This thread has been very helpful for me. We live in Northern Virginia in a very good, nationally-competitive school district. Our DS had a 4.1 freshman year, and it dropped to a 3.2 for his sophomore year due to all these same reasons - lack of motivation. He still has over a 3.5 overall and is taking pre-calc and two APs this year, but we’re trying to get him to keep above a 3.5 for his junior year alone since it’s the most important for college applications. One item that hasn’t been mentioned is that colleges also want to see an upward trend, as in the kid realized he was on a downward spiral and recovered to fix it and develop a positive trend with the effort required to get good grades before graduation. A negative trend is a bad sign.</p>
<p>Our son is interested in filmmaking. He initially wanted to go to USC, and then realized it was über-competitive and settled on maybe Cal State Long Beach or Northridge. He gets As in drama, film study, and broadcast journalism but Bs and Cs (and has two Fs on his interims) in his core classes. His PSAT is around 1850 and he is taking the SAT in Dec and the ACT next spring. He misses school periodically due to being sick. We have structured his homework environment so that he will at least have to complete assignments, but we also let him cave in his room and work in his style (with video game breaks and constant texting of friends) as long as he completes the work. </p>
<p>Our philosophy is, “Don’t leave any points on the table.” If he doesn’t do well on tests or quizzes in class even after reviewing, that is his problem, But we don’t want him to lose the points that come from not turning in homework or missing school. Those points are gone. He has to at least do the work and show up.</p>
<p>He is very social and flirts with less-than-savory extracurricular activity with his friends, but he’s a good kid and an indigo child like so many now, so standard school structure doesn’t appeal to him. He had talked about going to UC Boulder because he thought he could get in to their film program with mediocre grades, but it is extremely expensive for out-of-state residents and we just aren’t willing (or able) to drop that kind of money without seeing some motivation that he would excel there. Now he’s talking about going to Seattle to CC and playing music in a band. He’s become less Matt Damon and more Kurt Cobain.</p>
<p>We are relatively progressive parents who parent along the lines of olymom (great posts #34 and #54). So we’ll see what happens. Our bottom line is we know it’s his life, but we just want him to show up, do the work, and try to enjoy what high school offers because it will be over before he knows it. I tell him that while he’s in the nest, my job is to teach him how to fly the best that I know how. Once he leaves the nest, where he flies and with whom he flies is up to him.</p>
Hi !! I know it has been over 2 years since you posted this but am curious what transpired with your son. I have a high school sophomore daughter who we did extensive neuropsychological testing on. Good news IQ145. Scores top 99.8% on all that studf but executive functioning skills bottom 3%. She is so fragile emotionally as well that she quits working and her grades are barely 3.0 and she is too threatened to take any honors courses. So immature and lets the curve balls life throws at her debilatize her. Please tell me how your son is doing!
sounds like me! I went to college, became friends with pre-med nerds, and got all A’s and lived in library to fit in haha.
I believe that if a student gets focused when he/she goes to college, you can overcome any high school record. It truly is a fresh start. It’s all about making great choices when you hit campus. My daughter has a better GPA in college than she had in high school.
The OP hasn’t been active on CC for over a year. Please use old threads only for research.