<p>My son has made little effort in school. Now he is not even in the top 50% even though he has taken mostly preAP and AP courses. He does not really bother with the higher level courses anymore and for his senior year, he pretty much has all regular level courses.</p>
<p>I bought him an SAT study guide and offered to pay for a class or whatever else he wanted a year ago. Then he blew the PSAT. He scored over 200 in sophomore year, but then junior year, when it mattered, he just did something wrong. Now his SAT scores are ok, everything in the 600’s. I had told him that with his grades, he needed to hit a home run on his SAT to get in to a college he likes. He told me he had studied and he knew he brought in top scores. he was shocked by the scores he did get. Again…whenever I would ask him if he needed anything or if he would like me to help him study or if he would like to take an SAT class, he would answer with “I’m good.” That is it. Those exact words. SO, on this SAT, he swore he studied as much as he possibly could. Then, I found out he never opened the book before really. He had been lying about that too. He is going to re-take the SAT in October, and this time, he has to pay for it himself. </p>
<p>He honestly thinks he is so smart that he can skate by doing nothing. He says he thought the test would be easy and he would score well with ease. He was in the gifted program in the public school and always scored well on standardized testing. I was unable to grill in to him enough that this is college, not just some state standardized testing. His unweighted GPA is just over 2.5 because he doesn’t feel like turning in his homework. He says it is only worth 10% and he knew he could pass the classes without. </p>
<p>I am so frustrated!!!</p>
<p>Now here comes the question. IF he gets in to a college, should we pay for it? Or should we tell him he needs to stay home and go to community college for a year and show us he can pass his classes with B’s before we will pay? Part of me thinks that if he can get in to a college, then we should just pay. But then another part of me thinks we are not made of money and I do not want to throw money at a child who refused to do well in high school. He can just basically sign up for a variety of state schools. With the 600’s, he doesn’t have to rank in the top anything to get in to most of the state universities. He will get in to someplace. And then that third part of me feels like if he gets in to his school of choice, which is basically a B liberal arts school, then we should just suck it up and pay. I already know that none of these schools will meet his need. I already have been on the websites and the college board and know what our EFC is and none of these schools are interested in meeting it. Maybe we should say if he gets in to a competitive school we will pay, but if he gets in to a “signup” school, then he needs to do community college first? </p>
<p>I know a lot of people on here probably have plenty of money to spend on a child who will never graduate. And I am not saying he won’t graduate. I am just saying that he is very immature right now and is not “getting it” at all on what he needs to do to succeed in college. He is not in to drugs or anything. But he has an extreme case of the lazies. Plus, he does not seem to match up that his behavior may have him passing his classes, but he is barely passing and that won’t fly in college. And there is no point to college if he is going to refuse to study or do his school work.</p>
<p>I’m going to channel Northstarmom who sadly no longer posts here. She had a smart but lazy kid who had stellar scores and flunked out of college. She took a completely different approach with kid two with very different results. Anyway this is what I’d do. Nothing. Your kid does not appear ready for college. You tell him you’ll pay for college one semester at a time as long as his grades are above whatever you decide the lower limit should be. You tell him if he’s truly ready for college he’ll figure out where to apply, when to send the test scores etc. Then see if he actually gets his act together to apply. If he doesn’t you can help him arrange a gap year or two, or he can go to community college.</p>
<p>your kid sounds a bit delusional. maybe he got told he was smart too often as a child. offer to send him off to college after he comes home with a 3.7 or higher from community college one semester. I was also a big slacker in high school and it is very sobering to take the time off after high school (i took a gap year), take community college classes, and see what life is like if you’re not enrolled in a real college. the best part about this is that if your son bombs in community college, he can wait until he pulls his act together, get some good terms in there and transfer. then at his new school he will have a fresh GPA. So he can make sure he doesn’t go off to school until he has his act right. Good luck. I don’t mean to seem insensitive, this is truly my best advice</p>
<p>I honestly do not think I would spend a large amount of money on college until I was reasonably certain my child was ready to do what it takes to succeed, including by showing some initiative and self-discipline. It doesn’t sound like your son is quite there yet. But he will get there. He sounds like a perfect candidate for a gap year. He can work and save for a portion of his first year’s tuition. Perhaps he will then feel more invested in his own future. I think you show good-parenting instincts to be cautious about writing a big check for college when he may not be ready. Good luck to you and your son.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters. I have a similar situation with DS14. I have told him that while DW and I are willing to make major sacrifices to provide for his education, we are not in a financial situation to throw money away on a kid who is not ready for college. He’s been told that unless there’s a major turnaround this (junior) year, there’s a community college in his future.</p>
<p>Looked at another way, having a mediocre GPA with stellar scores also sends a bad message to colleges, that this is a genius who doesn’t try. </p>
<p>I would skip the SAT and focus on the academics. Have him take the ACT instead if you want him to try another test. Some kids do much better on one test than the other. There is something about the SAT that made me score the same on it, (and on my PSATs and on my GREs) every time. It was as if the test knew me. My son also got the same scores I did – good not great. I am convinced it is genetic. I never took the ACTs but my son got a much higher percentile score on it than on the SATs. </p>
<p>And while I desperately would love my kids to strive to be near the top of their classes if they have the ability, and would feel exactly the same as you, I sometimes remind myself that there’s something to be said for the healthiness of a laid back attitude. (As long as GPA stays above 3, though! )</p>
<p>If he wants to go to college, tell him how much you are willing to help with and let him figure it out. That right there will determine how motivated he is to go to college. I certainly would not make that dollar figure very large, maybe a few thousand (maybe up to the cost of room and board depending on your finances). If he does graduate, you can always help with student loans after the fact, or make that your contribution to start with–you will pay up to whatever dollars in student loans after he graduates from college. If, after a year he shows that he is willing to work in college, you can always amend that if you want.</p>
<p>I could swear I posted on this already… Guess it didn’t go through. I shall make an condensed version of my original post! </p>
<p>My cousin wasn’t an underacheiver by choice… He struggled in high school and barely graduated… His parents were worried he wouldn’t get into ANY college. Some of his poor performance might have been due to the fact that he attended one of the top public schools in the country, most of his fellow students were way ahead of him academically… Anyway, he did graduate, and applied and managed to get accepted into a few colleges (all in the south, odd considering he’s a northerner, but whatever), and is now attending University of Alabama… He made Deans List first semester, I think he only got one B, which is pretty incredible for someone who refused to do his homework and almost flunked out of high school. Anyway, I think that for a lot of students, college is like the first step in your independent life… And they realize they have to do well – so they do. If I were you, I’d pay for your son go where he wants, but with the warning that if his GPA drops below [insert your expectation here] you’ll stop paying for his tuition, and he comes home and goes to community college.</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with starting out at cc, especially in this situation. He is not going to be eligible for merit aid at 4 year schools with his grades and sat scores. So financially, cc for 2 may make sense. If he does well in cc, he can join Phi theta kappa and may get some scholarships through those schools.</p>
<p>If I it were my kid, I think I’d insist on a gap year. Nothing like working full time to sober someone up. It’s possible that he ends up in a job he likes and takes a little longer to go to college, or he hates it and suddenly understands the importance of a college education. Either way, problem solved.</p>
<p>First, stop thinking of community college as the place to go as a last resort. Lots of very good students go there. Fact is that state schools are a good deal, but still pricey, and offer darn little aid. When money is an issue, two years at cc and then transfer gives your kid a degree from state at a savings. </p>
<p>Now, what do you do with your own son? Nothing. As with any other kid, tell him what you can pay for the first year of school and let him apply where he chooses. You can set that number at the cost of the local cc. Chances are, with his stats, he’s not going to be looking at a lot of merit, and financial matters may knock many schools out of the running. And if he truly is too lazy to follow through with applications, etc, then maybe he winds up at the local cc anyway, but without a lot of drama for you.</p>
<p>“He honestly thinks he is so smart that he can skate by doing nothing.”</p>
<p>This may not be true, but it’s a sufficient working hypothesis. The cure for same is responsibility. Obviously there may be some bumps along the way. Better now than later. No way would I be budgeting for a private university.</p>
<p>Some young people who don’t do well in school do very well at jobs – so well that they may drop the idea of going to college altogether. But then, some years later, they find that they reach a plateau in their careers, where they can’t progress any further because of the lack of a college degree. Unfortunately, by that time they may have taken on responsibilities that make going back to school extremely difficult.</p>
<p>@EightisGreat “I had told him that with his grades, he needed to hit a home run on his SAT to get in to a college he likes.”</p>
<p>Unfortunately this is not how it works. Perhaps a state school or cc might take him based on standardized performance(I have my doubts) but there is no way a private college(if their selection process matters) will take him. The reason why is because of the lack of effort he has shown. Your presumption that test scores matter more than a 4-year hs school resume is incorrect. In most or all cases, the opposite is true as colleges will accept a student with slightly above average test scores if the student has shown a great work ethic in HS. I’m afraid barring a lot of luck, your son is going to have to do some maturing before he’s even ready to make your investment in college worth the money you’d spend.</p>
<p>OP - Does he want to go to college or does he feel like it’s simply the next step, like high school after middle school? Not suggesting that he doesn’t have the chops for college but maybe he just doesn’t have the desire. Maybe start with that discussion and see where it goes.</p>
<p>Just wanted to say that you make cc seem punitive. It’s a viable option and sounds like maybe the best one for your ds, at this point. He’s not in the running for merit aid anyway, it sounds like, so nothing to lose by going the cc route for a year or two.</p>
<p>He insists he wants to go. He wants a degree in computer science and was earning A’s in computer science in high school. We don’t have the AP test results yet for this year.</p>
<p>There is this saying “Even Cs get degrees”. With his sores and GPA, there are many schools available to him. See if he’s motivated enough to find them and apply. Maybe suggest that where ever he goes he will have to take out student loans so he has some skin in the game. Subtract that from what you’d be paying yourself. If he achieves a certain semester GPA (3.5 for example), you’ll agree to pay off his loans for that semester. If his cumulative drops below a certain GPA (2.5 for example), you won’t fund his college at all.</p>
<p>I was kind of like this in high school. I was smart enough to have at least a B+/A- average but I consistently made B- to C grades because I was bored silly and figured I’d just do the bare minimum to meet <em>my</em> standard and not expend the effort on the tedium-- if I can get Cs and frequently even Bs without trying, why try consistently if I can get away without it? I had the brain to go straight to college, but probably not the skills-- time management, coping with pressure, all those things you have to deal with when you are actually giving-a-crap about your classes, I’d never done them before.</p>
<p>I went to community college and continued to be woefully bored there, but I DID grow up in that time and do the work anyway so I could transfer to a “REAL” college. It was probably what I needed to do, even though I was ready to bury my parents alive at the time for making me slog through cc for two years. I needed that time to grow up and start caring about what I was doing. I suspect had I gone straight to the University of C+ Students that’s as good as I ever would have been, but I ended up going to umich. I vastly exceeded anybody’s expectations and I thank god for that every day. Staying the lazy loser I was in HS for the rest of my life wouldn’t have been pleasant.</p>