for the guys...

<p>If you meet a girl that is really quality....pretty, smart, classy etc... but u are in college and want the random good time hook ups... do you keep the girl at a distance and "bookmark" her or do you take the plunge and start a real relationship even tho it isnt what you want right now?
<in other="" words="" do="" the="" hott="" easy="" girls="" get="" action="" now="" and="" "good"="" guy="" later="" like="" we="" all="" have="" heard=""></in></p>

<p>I'm currently in the middle of what your talking about. I sorta want a relationship just so I can be like "yeah, I have a g/f here", but it's sorta like I don't want to get too into a relationship, because it's only been a few weeks, and the last thing I want is to be tied down.</p>

<p>a girl's response...
people talk, so if you go around hooking up with lots of girls, the quality girls will hear about you. that's not to say you should be in a relationship instead, just be aware.</p>

Didn't take long for me to realize that. Because if I say something bad about someone, I'll usually get yelled at later that day.</p>

<p>I prefer a quality....pretty, smart, classy, etc. kind of girl, which is exactly what my girlfriend is. I dont do random hookups. I'm into relationships, so It shouldnt change in college next year. I avoid the sluts and hos. So in essence, I prefer the good girls.</p>

<p>May also depend on the college's atmosphere. A lot of girls here are too concentrated on academia over men at this university, especially prominent in a female I'm observing (she's a chemical engineering major and has FOUR HOUR LABS twice a week)!</p>

<p>I'm in college and in a relationship currently with someone who doesn't attend, and I have to say that even if I weren't so involved I'd prefer a 'quality' girl over a random hook up. I don't like people who involve themselves so superficially with so many others - although a majority of people on most campuses seem to vehemently disagree.</p>

<p>"I avoid the sluts and hos."</p>

<p>I actively seek them out.</p>

<p>OP: When should I set something up with this awesome girl?</p>

<p>Um, maybe in a week or two, when she's found a boyfriend.</p>

<p>How about NOW!!!</p>

<p>If you want a long term relationship with the girl, then pursue a long term relationship. But if you want to see other girls as well, just be honest and open with 'awesome girl' from the start about it. Dishonesty or leading her to believe the relatioship is exclusive is the only thing that causes problems. Otherwise, you can have an open relationship.</p>

<p>But anyway, if this girl is really that awesome, would you really need more girls? If so, then I guess your long term relationship is not going to last long anyhow.</p>

<p>When single, never hold back from pursuing someone you're interested in. Not even for a day. If it ends as a hookup, so be it... if it ends up turning into a long-term thing, keep an open mind about that. For all you know, you'll try to start a relationship, it just won't work, and you'll keep looking for someone else. Why restrict yourself from the possibility?</p>

<p>Possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me was the girlfriend I had between freshman-jr year. I may have done a few random hookups afterwards, but they're not the same... the one thing I want more than anything else is a relationship that special again. Don't knock it till you've tried it. In the meantime, hookups can be fun, but a girl who actually impresses you is worth a hundred times more. </p>

<p>Chase until you're not interested anymore is my advice.</p>

<p>From a girl . . .</p>

<p>Try being friends with her . . . ONLY. That allows you to spend quality time with her, get to know her better, and also go out with other girls. When you're tired of the other girls, you'll be ready to pursue the long-term relationship with a good friend.</p>

<p>quality over quantity of course. go for it. it's not like you're marrying her, you can always break up later. And who knows, maybe she'll say no.</p>

<p>"When you're tired of the other girls, you'll be ready to pursue the long-term relationship with a good friend."</p>

<p>Wouldn't it be a bad idea to pursue a relationship with a friend? I mean, that would mess everything up wouldn't it?</p>

<p>hell yes, i would go for the relationship. im not about the random hook-ups anyways. not my thing. every relationship I enter is meant to be serious.</p>

<p>I'm not into hook-ups, so I'll try to get the girl... asap.</p>

<p>actually... what i was really asking <cuz i'm="" a="" girl=""> is ... do guys that either have been burned in a relationship or in a place where they find a relationship inconvenient, keep girls they could be interested in on the side for when they are ready.... The deal is... a great guy that I have great friendship with and a ton in common with has graduated, I still have 3 more years of college. He started to show signs of interest, and has complemented me often ... but he then started to withdraw and luckily we are still friends.... He has just started a great job and new apartment. Also he is 21 and can do the bar scene. I am a mature girl and cool and all but the age difference altho not great is still a factor cause he has graduated.... we still hang out and work around it but a relationship may make him feel limited as to what he could do socially. I want more than friendship but I am not the kind of girl that throws themselves at guys... like alot of girls do to him and he discounts them... the good news is he keeps me around... but should i just be patient and let this grow if it is meant to be??? I really dont want to jeopardize the friendship by talking about it with him.... but why would he try to kiss me and show interest in me but then act totally platonic as if he wants to remain friends for now. ps.. he isnt gay!!!</cuz></p>

<p>You just said he's 21. I'm guessing you're around 19?</p>

<p>If he's interested, or you think he may be interested, then why don't you show him some signs of interest back? Heavy eye contact, touching him casually (on the shoulder, on the back) may do the job, but I'm a man so you're probably in a better position to figure out how to give him signals.</p>

<p>Someone said earlier "why don't you just be friends with the girl, THEN start a relationship later" I have to address this-- TERRIBLE IDEA!! A guy cannot go from "friends" or "let's just be friends zone" to a relationshp. It has been tried thousands of times, and it has failed every single time. Girls separate their male friends from their male lovers.</p>

<p>However, asillad, you are a bit of the reverse position. You are the female and you want a relationship with this guy. Now, guys have many female friends that they would gladly jump on in a heartbeat, but they can't because they somehow wound up as friends instead of immediately trying to pursue a relationship. See guys dont really separate girl "friends" from "girlfriends" other than they know its acceptable to be intimate with their "girlfriends" but they don't know how their female friends would react.</p>

<p>So one scenario is that your guy friend is attracted to you, and is either too afraid, aka he doesnt want to ruin the friendship, or doest know how'd you react, or he is actually somewhat socially wise and realizes (or his buddies told him) that you can't escape friend zone with a female, and thus won't act on it. So clearly showing him you're attracted would be the answer to both of these cases.</p>

<p>The other scenario is that he is not attracted to you. Which, if he's showing you signs of interest or has shown you them, is not likely. Which in any case the way to find out would be show him your interested/attracted anyway.</p>

<p>"I am not the kind of girl that throws themselves at guys"
1. You're socially conditioned to believe this makes you a "slut" or "whore". It does not.
2. You think this turns guys off; "hard to get" is the better route. --- First of all guys are <em>physically</em> attracted by physical appearance, so this would not matter. If a supermodel approached a guy and begged/pleaded with him to date her, the guy WOULD NOT CARE OR BE LESS ATTRACTED. The one thing that may come into the equation is confidence; obviously the more confidence you have the more appealing you are. If you try to "come onto" him but you act unconfident or "needy," it may not come accross well. But you can "come onto" him with confidence, it will probably make him even more attracted to you; and it is not <em>slutty</em>. I mean, you even already KNOW the guy, for chrissake!</p>

<p>So you're the not the girl to "throw herself" at guys. Yes, completely understandable most girls feel the same way. What you have to do in this case may seem counterintuitive, or against your programming, but I recommend showing him your interested, but in a confident, seductive way rather than a desperate, "please love me" way if you know what I mean.</p>

<p>Btw sometimes in fact many times guys don't pick up all you girls' "subtle" signals. Be direct and less subtle.</p>

<p>Anyway, I don't know how this will affect your friendship. Certain risk is involved. If things don't work out, you may be able to go back to being friends, you may not. That you have to figure out for yourself. Simply being too complacent or nervous though to try anything with this guy is not a valid reason. Good luck.</p>

<p>If I were you I'd take off my clothes in front of him. Post his reaction.</p>

<p>The problem is I am flirty and he did act interested ... put his arm around me, complimented me etc... then one night he quickly kissed me goodnight as my bus was pulling up, then he seemed to distance himself from me, calling me but not connecting.< and no it wasnt my breath or anything heh> then we didnt see each other for a few week and this week he called me to go to a jazz club with some of his friends... but now acted purely platonic... so confused tho... he seemed to be going in one direction. I dont know what happened and havent had the opportunity to discuss it ... if he had made a move, i would have questioned him... but now it seems like we are back to friends.... not to be conceited but i am pretty, smart and have no trouble getting guys. He is smart and nice looking but seems to have no trouble in attracting girls that make it so easy for him... but he hasnt really bothered keeping them around. I am at least being called routinely by him. I am apt to say "he's not that into me" but he does seem to keep this friendship going.</p>