I just can’t buy into the commercialism and the way expectations can make expenses add up. On the subject of stockings, I think filling them, then emptying their own was one of the highlights for my Ds and their SOs. Some of our gifts to each other are traditional, I like a brand of bubble bath, one girl loves Chapstick. But we have the family time together. We loved last year’s dinner out and they love making brunch.
Since we’re on the topic, I was considering buying D17 a new laptop for Christmas that she can bring to college next year. Right now she has a very old HP and I get the general sense everyone in college uses Apple - so my thought was if I get it for Xmas, it will give her time to get used to the new operating system so she can master it in time for college.
I miss the toy stage of little ones. So easy and fun. The play kitchen, the first bike, basketball hoops. Games.
Fun stuff that took up the rest of the day. Still like to shop for toys to give away to others.
And I do keep my eyes opened for new games all the time.
Now it’s everybody’s favorite gift cards which don’t take any shopping at all.
I do like Black Friday sales if someone actually has something in mind.
Stockings–I made stockings years ago for my entire family but since my mom died last year I retired those and bought new ones. I’m rebooting. Will add new fiance and a boyfriend this year to the mantle. We don’t put much in stockings except candy.
I would knit a new one for DIL and just keep it in the family. It’ll be for when she’s at your house.
@bookworm Time to stop being so generous, I’m sorry to say. 
@bookworm, don’t beat yourself up. I’d reconsider presents for the 7 kids of a cousin for sure! Do they live nearby? Maybe take them all out together for ice cream (without parents) as a gift (or give them a handmade certificate good for a trip out for ice cream with you one-on-one that they can cash in if/when they like).
The GF is harder. How about a smaller gift certificate to a restaurant that you know your son likes (maybe $100)? Then he likely gets a treat, and at least you can feel good that he benefitted even if she doesn’t say thanks.
I am trying to figure out D1’s S.O. this year. They live together, but way across the country. I don’t typically get him a gift. But they are in the same town as his parents, and see a lot of them. So his parents usually do give nice gifts to D1. This year they are coming to visit about a week before Christmas. But D1 is staying through the holiday, and he is flying home around Dec. 20. So… what to do… what to get, when to give it, whether to start an ongoing pattern of gifts. Oh, and he will surely show up with something for me as a hostess gift (chocolates, maybe). Argh.
I like the idea of an experience for you D’s SO as well, @intparent. Not sure where you live and what’s around ut a nice dinner out or a show, museum and movie passes, basically a day out on you.
Well, I could give him something like that for where they live (DC). Still not sure on timing… celebrate holiday early? Feels odd when I will probably just have 1 gift for him, more for my kids.
A major present for the family is tickets to an event the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It worked out that way. Kids are thrilled. H and I are as well as a lot of birds and stones will be flying with this one. As for Christmas day, I’ve got a few things already tucked away. A few things more and that will be that.
Fa la la la la la la la la…
Bookworm–do what you think is fun for you. I’m sorry your efforts weren’t appreciated as much as you wish but you had to have some satisfaction in coming up with the gifts or you wouldn’t have done it.
Maybe it’s time to re-focus your efforts. It’s very individual and up to you to decide.
I will say that “my cousin’s seven grand kids” would never be on any gift-giving list of mine. Nor ever have been.
At that point on the family tree I’m giving to local community efforts that provide a Christmas experience that may never happen for the kids.
Ya, the kids are present for Hannukah. After venting, I think I will just continue to give my cousin and her hubby a very nice gift, and let her know why I’m dripping out of the kids gifts. Cuz does all the family holidays. Another idea is make charitable contributions in their names. If you give $40 to Audubon, you get a certificate and a plush bird. I don’t feel generous enough for 7 kids, but I’ll keep looking.
Thanks all, I feel a little less like Scrooge.
Another suggestion, @bookworm, is to give a family gift - something that can be shared and used by all.
For charitable gifts, I’ve always liked Heifer International for families with children: https://www.heifer.org but anything you are passionate about would be great.
@bookworm You shouldn’t feel like Scrooge! I would drop those grandkids from my list, too, although I have to say that they wouldn’t have been on it in the first place, and I’m a very generous gift-giver. 
I can’t believe the response, or lack thereof, you received. That’s pretty appalling.
If anyone has some interesting gift ideas this year, I’d love to hear them. I try to get unique gifts but it is sometimes difficult. I did Kiva one year after one of my Ds gave it to me, and I love it. I still do it after several years and it’s an amazing organization. Highly recommend! This year, I found a few small-ish things on Oprah’s favorite things list that I’ve ordered for my girls. And, of course, books. I always give books and the CC booklist is always a good resource for that.
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@alwaysamom I would love to hear about the Oprah items you chose if you are willing to share.
Thanks for the Kiva mention. It looks like an interesting program.
Bookworm, did you give the gifts directly to the cousin’s grandkids in person? If so, did they thank you orally? I sometimes hear people complain that they didn’t get thanked for a gift when what they mean is that they didn’t get a written thank you note after being thanked orally at the time of the gift. I generally don’t send a thank you note when I’ve thanked someone orally for a gift, and I don’t expect to receive them in that circumstance (except in limited circs where thank you notes are traditional, like baby or wedding showers).
I agree it is totally rude for someone not to send thank you notes when gifts are sent and the recipient doesn’t have the opportunity to thank the giver orally.
That said, in my extended family, there are so many kids and so many gifts that the whole thing becomes a free-for-all with kids opening piles of presents and barely paying attention to who gave the presents. It’s all a bit too much. Relatives who are not there send along presents with those who are attending and it is way too much for the kids to keep track of who gave them what. The kids are handed gifts during the gift opening time and at the end if the day end up with a pile of loot that the parents only have vague ideas where they came from. It is chaos. I’m sure when my daughter was little she got gifts from absent relatives that were never acknowledged because the gift giving and opening was such a chaotic scene. It is totally rude and inexcusable for us all not to pay closer attention, I realize, but unfortunately that’s the reality of the scene.
I also don’t expect written thanks for a gift given in person.
I have ordered one stocking stuffer for my 20 year old son. That’s it so far.
I just realized that I never thanked my cousin for the delicious toffee she sent last year. She makes it every year and it is one of the things I look forward to every Christmas. She wasn’t there last Christmas and someone else passed it out during the gift free-for-all. Uh oh, hope I am still on the list!!
@doschicos, the items I’ve ordered from Oprah’s list were:
Trio Touchscreen gloves for all my Ds
Peepers reading glasses for two sisters-in-law
Travel Cord Roll for two of my Ds who do a lot of travelling for work
The large Bone China mugs for my mom and dad
Hair Ties for my granddaughter
Crossbody cell and credit card holder for all my Ds (and also one for me!)
A few other things were tempting but I restrained myself.
I have a young “nephew” who is growing up way way too fast and an actual nephew due any time now. I’m getting them both age appropriate kiwi crates. They’ll have a new one sent every month so it’ll be a gift that gives throughout the year.
I have very few people that I need to buy for and my parents are very specific about what they want so they’re easy.
Not telling,
Gifts are only given to the kids. They are put in piles. I think the problem is that the parents give the other kids extravagant gifts, and receive the same. The year before, I gave the oldest boy the full set of Ronald dahl’s books. He opened it and we talked about it. I don’t expect any more thanks than that. None of the kids want books now.
I guess it has just gotten too hard for me. Last year was tough. On girl asked why her apron and spatula, basket were blue. Well, that’s what your mom said was your favorite color. No, it’s purple now.
Ok, I’ve Vented enough. If my cousin gives me easy suggestions, fine, and if not, I’ll be honest and back out.