Best definition here. When I read it, I was reminded of a family in my neighborhood that moved from NC to the Northeast to improve their kid’s odds for Yale. All fine and dandy, but kid was in the 6th grade.
Also, I think schools vacillate too much about how much parental support and involvement they desire. They want it when they want to deflect responsibility off themselves or when they need the budget passed, but otherwise they want hands off, no questions, no complaints. I don’t often question or complain anyway, but I also wouldn’t feel any need to be given regular updates about the impending release of standardized test scores nor to attend several information meetings in advance of the release of my child’s testing results. Nonetheless, this week i received an odd missive from the district which suggests they want rather high levels of parent involvement relative to this issue.
"Being proactive, we began in early October to plan for receipt of results. A Parent Advisory Committee comprised of PTO and School Site Council Presidents has provided guidance on what kinds of communication would be most helpful to parents and when these communications should occur.
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This email, through School Messenger, is the first of several outreaches. We have a schedule of actions that will lead up to the release of student results as well as some happenings that will follow-- all designed to help parents understand and interpret their children’s test results.
Over time, you will be alerted to the posting of mini video broadcasts on topics such as how PARCC results will be used and how to read your child’s Individual Student Report. Later in the year, you will receive invitations to school-specific PARCC sessions for parents, and a special workshop for parents of third graders. We are also planning to offer a PARCC Help Desk, and we will send additional email updates through School Messenger as appropriate to do so."
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Huh???
Yes, they “should” do their homework. That’s not the same as saying it’s either sleep depriving or the kid gets a zero. Or that if my kids slept 8 hours, their program must have been different. Or that a generation is.being ruined.
And most parents on CC are concerned about the caliber of college, even if it’s called fit or opportunity. For many of us, it’s just not neurotic insistence on HYP.
Btw, my.kids didn’t magically know how to navigate it all when they started 9th. They need guidance and counterpoint…plus structure. They don’t just parent themselves.
In our home we pray for some other alphabets since we don’t know how any amount of helicoptering would get the kid there. 
@TheGFG, isn’t PARCC about to be released and isn’t it new? I think the school system is taking a proactive stance in anticipation of parents calling them and asking how to interpret the results. They are providing information to the parents in various formats and avenues. None of what you posted is mandatory for parents.
MIT would be ok too I guess. But not Stanford. Too many former hippies in California.
All kidding aside, I think @lookingforward is exactly right. It is not a zero sum game. Each kid (with an assist now and then from mom and dad) needs to order their priorities, and find a comfort level. For some, it may be taking Calc BC in 9th grade (which astonishes me, btw) and then spending your high school years at a local college. For others it may be a less accelerated path.
I do not intend to offend anyone here, but it is very hard to believe that some substantial portion of kids in any high school are actually working 18 hours a day. If any kid is doing that, then they are in the wrong program.
A math problem is either solved or not solved. The kid can’t just decide to halfway solve the problem so he can go to bed earlier. And solving half of many problems is still a big fat F.
So now you’re going to say all high school programs are the same, lookingforward? Getting an A in our district is quite different than getting an A in a high school in Camden. And getting an A in our district, is quite different from getting an A in the local small, parochial schools too. My SIL is a teacher in Texas, and getting an A here is also quite different from getting an A in her district.
Meh… probably not.
They still have to do the work, solve the problems and fight the battles to get there, right?
RIght?
Sometimes when things have run smoothly for one of my kids without any parental intervention, it is because other parents, whether they could be called helicopter parents or just plain “troublemakers”, have taken the effort to intervene when something has not seemed right - whether a poor curriculum or a negligent instructor, routine assignments that could not be completed without adult input, or excessive busy work
At least that has been my experience.
- Here’s what I find funny. In most cases, living in an über-competitive school district is a very deliberate choice. These parents often choose where they live precisely because of the schools and will often pay hundreds of thousands of dollars more for a house that’s in a top school distinct. It’s a tremendous luxury that they’re able to do this.
But what on earth do they think they’re signing up for??? There’s no magical result that comes from living on a particular patch of land. They’re getting schools with ample resources and better than average teachers. But (no offense to the teachers reading this) even a good teacher using brand-new textbooks can’t pour the knowledge into a kid’s head. If you’re signing up for the toughest classes in a tippy-top school distinct then chances are you’re going to have to work pretty hard. Most importantly, the level of competition from your classmates is going to be much higher than in an average school. Welcome to the jungle.
- As to the causes of helicopter parenting, there’s a semi-serious explanation based on population biology. The average college educated woman has 1.7 kids. That means there are far more 1 or 2 child households among that population than in the past (or in other populations).
People are biological creatures, and they are following the classic “K” reproductive strategy (“K” as in “r/K” selection theory). That means they have few offspring, so they need to invest very heavily in each one to ensure they raise the most competitive possible offspring so their genes will continue to propagate. Parents concentrate lots of their energies on each child to ensure reproductive success; if they have only 1 or 2 children they can’t afford to see one not succeed (even 2 children is below replacement rate !).
In our highly unnatural environment, their brains interpret this as meaning that their kids need to get a college education by attending a “good” college. This is a very important for our kids to be successful and use their diploma to attract a “good” college-educated mate and have “good” college-educated grand babies and great-grand babies.
So at the end of the day, helicopter parents are just mindless animals who are pursuing their optimal reproductive strategy 
"So now you’re going to say all high school programs are the same, lookingforward? "
GFG, where does that come from? The comment pointed at me was that if my kids got sleep, the demands on them were different. My kids were not in an under-served hs in a Camden, nor some easy-go parochial. (No offense to parochials or Catholic preps, which can be mighty fine.) My area is full of academics, as we live a mile from an Ivy. Our hs bar is/was high, too.
I believe you that your school is tough. I work with apps and know many, many other high schools are, too- and sometimes with little escape for kids. We don’t need cobrat to tell us about one, Stuy, to open our eyes. At the same time, many are ordinary, where too many kids sail through. Sure.
So how did the other kids in class do the assignment, if it was flawed? And how many classes at a time, with your block scheduling?
My girls, btw, did not end hs with 4.0. And that didn’t relegate them to a subpar college or college experience.
No one of us has a monopoly on these issues and challenges, nor does any one of us have the formula that works for all. We do what we can.
Two comments, and then I have some helicoptering to do. First, the district we moved to 25 years ago is extremely different from what it is today. We chose the original form, not its current form. Second, there is a difference between homework that is given to reinforce what was taught in class and homework that is designed to teach what there is no time to teach in class. Even supposing a kid could skip or skimp on homework of the the first type without grade repercussions (which you can’t here), he really can’t skip the second type or he will also fail the tests. I find that there is more and more of the second type. It’s typical for teachers to teach a lesson about concept A and then assign homework about concept B, which was not covered. Perhaps there will be an online tutorial to help, but often not.
A math problem is either solved or not solved. The kid can’t just decide to halfway solve the problem so he can go to bed earlier. And solving half of many problems is still a big fat F.
An F on a particularly hard problem homework set is not going to affect your grade at all. Homework contains many grades and is typically less than 10% of your total grade. So going to bed rather than solving Fermatt’s theorem is a rational and low risk strategy. The really tough problems in our good high school were often assigned in error and NO one, including lots of people with PhD parents in math would come in the next day with that.
Project hours are spread over a whole semester. You should always pick problems with ability to complete in mind, since getting only 50% of an A++ project will still result in a C, where as getting 110% of a B project could result in an A.
I think @al2simon has hit the nail on the head with both comments. Of course both mentalities miss the point that kids are different, they need different amounts of school and parent prodding or encouragement or challenge, and that some kids are not ready for HYPS at age 18 but may be stellar college students at a local flagship or a good private or whatever and graduate with honors from a top school at the MS level.
Again, without either magical abilities or lots of work on both the child’s and families’ part, no one is getting into HYPS. I would bet the average innate abilities and effort in a top school district could easily be lower than the amount of effort that it would take to beat the environment at a lower school district without all the teacher and peer encouragement and the peer pressure on both families and children to really push themselves.
And, in 11 years, you move … these hyper competitive school districts are not the norm anywhere within commuting distance … just some isolated pockets of wealth and parental education. Having been born, raised, and still visiting NJ, it is not a hot bed of 150 IQs, it is just like other affluent educated regions where people self-congregate to get top schools … and most people appreciate the academic offerings as well as that the norm is less likely to be drinking and drugging and ganging at 16.
DH had the same experience with his hs in NJ. The demographics changed from “typical suburbia” (even with Rutgers nearby and the number of faculty with kids in his hs, at the time.) It’s now one of those ridiculously competitive high schools.
But no one should think this is unique to NJ or parts. We can name other school districts equally demanding. Or the ridiculous situation in Northern VA, due to TJ.
It was typical for my girls to get homework on concept B/new material, too.
And it was when I was in hs, as well.
Someone who teaches can give perspective, but I don’t think it’s uncommon to ask kids to work ahead a bit.
I don’t think anyone is saying that if someone is getting 8 hours of sleep that their high school program is not demanding. In my opinion, it’s the exact opposite - you are probably not doing anything close to being intellectually rigorous if you are only getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night. But if you are getting an appropriate amount of sleep, it seems that’s it’s unlikely that you have to deal with the amount of busywork some schools apparently require.
@TheGFG posted this about her daughter’s schedule -
I’m not trying to poke fun at any of the previous comments, but this is an example of another thing I find funny. Usually people are quite ecstatic when the quality of their schools improves a lot (and presumably their houses appreciate a lot too). Just goes to show you that you can’t please everyone.
People complain about the quality of education and want their schools to be “better”. Unfortunately, this means the curriculum will be harder and competition will be tougher. I think what they really want is the “prestige” of a good school without having to do too much extra work. Same phenomenon as the fetishization of going to an elite college, just at the high school level 
QMP was not the only 9th grader in AP Calc BC, and they all got 5’s.
I couldn’t pass BC calc today let alone in 9th grade.
But, al2simon, some are ridiculous. “Improve” or “better” don’t begin to describe the hoops some hs put kids through. And then it becomes Darwinian. And not only do some of those top kids then get a different sort of support and encouragement, their parents can have different access to discuss or clarify, assuming they aren’t obnoxious.
A number of kids do get AP calc or AP ‘something-strenuous’ in 9th. It depends on the school policies and the readiness should be there. When one or both parents are in professions that rely on those skills, it’s just not that unusual for their kids to be ready. The problem is when some parents push (we see this on CC) and insist to their kids that AP has to start in 9th.
Well, the problem with “AP Calc in 9th grade” - is that if Child A legitimately needs and does well in that course, it doesn’t mean that Child B should be there. If Helicopter Parent B hears that “smart kids are doing AP Calc in 9th grade” and forces Child B into that class, and Child B struggles, that is not the fault of: society, HS, elite college pressure, Child A, the teacher, the textbook, Calculus, Newton, or Liebnitz. It is directly the fault of Parent B. But Parent B is unlikely to direct that blame inward.
If Child A accomplishes a lot in math after the AP Calc in 9th grade, yes indeed s/he is more qualified for an elite college. And that may feel unfair to Child B or B’s family, but it’s eminently fair because it seems that Child A had more ability, drive, and ultimately, success. As long as no one is kept from the class who belongs there, there’s no inequity. (Disclaimer - I never had a kid do AP Calc close to 9th grade, nor did I do it, in spite of attending M.)