<p>Hi I am just wondering if anybody here can tell me the best ways to assist disabled adults to form friendships with others that are not in their situation?
Most that I am attempting to help are resenting me for having a better life than they do (their words, not mine) and anyone I introduce them to receive the same treatment. I believe the people I am trying to help need to have friendship in their lives and that it is a basic human need that everyone has and that every person is entitled to…
I am just not sure how to help these adults form friendships yet they need to and I feel like I am failing them. I have read over fifty books on this subject and I am still looking for more that can help. So far, I have not found one with clear answers or examples that I might be able to use.
If you have experienced this or know someone who has or have some tips for me or even the name of a book or article or something that you could pass on, I would REALLY appreciate it .Thanks!</p>
<p>What types of disabilities do thse adults have? Are we talking physical disabilities?</p>
<p>One of my friends, who used to work with battered women, told me that before trying to help someone, I should make sure of the following:</p>
<ol>
<li>They have asked for my help.</li>
<li>I have the skills to help them.</li>
<li>They are doing their fair share.</li>
</ol>
<p>Do these apply to what you’re trying to do?</p>
<p>Emily,
your post struck a chord for me. I am a disabled adult. Friendships are extraordinarily difficult for me. I think you have the best intentions of wanting to help the disabled adults you know form friendships. My first thought is that what keeps me from forming friendships is inside of me. Its not something anyone can “fix” for me. If I knew you in my everyday life, what could you do to help me to form friends? Be a friend. Help me to understand thorugh example that friends are possible. Don’t back down, or back away when I’m struggling because of my disability. I have a disability that is often invisible to the few friends I have so its not often discussed. But when my disability becomes visible, I’ve had friends say “I hate it when you’re like that”, other people have disappeared from my life once they learned of my disability. Knowing some people that can’t accept my disability, I find myself staying away from other people and hiding at those times my disability is apparent. I know it keeps people away from me. As I write this I realize its a vicious circle. If I am myself, with my disabilty visible, people stare or make comments about how much they hate it. If I hide my disability, I’m not really myself. And if I’m not really myself, the friendship doesn’t feel true. So my suggestion to you, be a true friend. Accept people with disabilities fully for who they are.</p>
<p>I would like to hear about more about the situations that you are referring to. I have adults who are friends and who have disabilities including being blind, being in a wheelchair, being developmentally disabled, being bipolar. I haven’t had the difficulties that you mentioned, so am wondering how it is that you’re encountering them. Are you in a helping profession in which you are assigned to help disabled adults with their socialization skills? Are you seeking out disabled people for friendships? Are you going out of your way to try to help people who are actually quite happy with their lives as they are?</p>