None of them involve calling the school to fix their problems.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/04/opinion/college-helicopter-parenting.html
In brief, what are the four ways ?
Can’t access the article without subscribing.
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Small Steps - Break down difficult scenarios into small manageable parts
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Help Student Write Scripts - don’t contact the professor for the student, but help the student figure out what to say to the professor.
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Encourage Student to Follow Up - self explanatory
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Multiple Resources - Don’t talk only to one classmate about a problem understanding the work. Talk to the TA or the Professor or an advisor or other students. Multiple points of view might help the student understand a problem
BTW: I don’t think you have to subscribe to view the story. Anyone who signs up can read a number of articles every month for no charge. I’ve never paid and I read a fair amount of articles every month.
From the article which included lots of examples/situations, but pared down quite a bit. But I think it captures the gist, which is advise/guide, but do not DO.
- Encourage them to take small steps. If your student tells you something isn’t going well...encourage the student to take a first step: Send an email to an adviser on campus, or tap in a phone reminder to call an appropriate person and set up an appointment.
- Help them write “scripts.” If your student is scared to talk to a professor or feels intimidated by a dean, help write a “script” for the occasion.
- Encourage them to follow up... Your student should follow up with an email or another visit to the professor with specific questions like, “What can I do to be better prepared for the next exam?”
- Remind them to talk to more than one person. A professor, a friend or a teaching assistant might have one answer to a question, but others on campus might have advice of a different kind. Encourage your student to get to know other adults on campus who might be able to help navigate a less-than-ideal situation
My 4 steps:
- Raise them while you have them
- Drop them off at college
- Let them know your expectations about college
- Pay for part of their tuition
^ Essentially follow this track and have seen significant personal growth in S (now a junior). Figures things out on his own, navigates his course pretty well, learns lessons from mistakes (like not getting help from a professor early in semester or relying too much on other students for help - all I had to say was “Who is responsible for your future, you or them?” )
Oh yeah forgot…pays for his own stuff!
Some of us use those up really quickly.
People learn quickly from mistakes. It’s can be very hard to stand back but letting you kid “fail” sometimes teaches them a lot. Doing it when they are young lessens the repercussions.
Yeah, I use mine up quickly too.
This parenting advice can be complicated with kids with medical challenges, psychiatric diagnoses, kids with learning challenges, ADHD, who are on the autism spectrum. Kids from low quality high schools who perhaps never experienced adequate help at school and aren’t used to expecting help, first generation kids, and probably many others. There are still many students who struggle or even crash and don’t tell their parents a thing until they have to, which is sometimes too late.
I guess my point is that this article targets a selective group of parents
^True! I never in a million years thought I would accompany my son to talk to his college advisor! I was more in the school of “Let them figure out things for themselves.” Ha, so much for that.
A little off topic, but may I poke in to say that if you have an .edu email, or your spouse does, you can get a really reasonable online subscription to the NYT. Journalism will die without subscribers! Consider the value to you, relative to cable/Netflix and so on.
In our experience, this was also learned pre-college at the summer/part time job.