<p>^^ very clever, shellfell! :)</p>
<p>I am a student
i have 2 fairly serious health conditions…
im also 1k+ miles from home</p>
<p>my parents said text 3-4 times a day call whenever…but TEXT they need those texts and have that fone call every couple of days</p>
<p>i call my mum every day for probably 5 minutes and don’t text b/c i don’t have time to do that periodically during the day</p>
<p>I actually know a girl that is in a couple of his classes and she’s the one that passed on the info. that he’s doing well. Not only are girls better at communicating with their own parents, they’ll keep others informed as well! In my more irritated and evil moments I contemplate having her say something like, “Hey,is your mom out of the hospital yet?” Too cruel, I know. I think Shellfell’s idea about the tongue-in-cheek e-mail will be the next step because he responds well to humor and is very sarcastic too. And if that doesn’t work then I’ll write a fake garage sale ad listing everything he left here and send that to him.<br>
Not to get all mushy, but I want to thank all of you for posting because frankly the whole separation thing was much, much harder than I anticipated and not hearing from him is like salt in the wound. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one out there. Most of my friends have daughters so they can’t commiserate. Thanks!</p>
<p>This is new to me too, Helenback. S1 always calls once a week & usually calls us first when he has really good news (getting into grad school) or really bad news (gf broke up with him). But freshman S2 is totally different. The tongue-in-cheek email worked this time, but I may have to get very creative because I doubt that it jump-started any regular communication. You’re right, though, that it’s nice to know we’re not the only ones experiencing this.</p>
<p>I used to have these different communications with my dad that remind me of recent calls with S2. I was the baby (my parents were in their 40s when I was born). My dad was a mechanic and didn’t know much of anything about the things I was interested in, but he was interested in ME. Every night before he went to bed, he would stop in at my door where I was on my bed cross legged studying. “What’s up?” he would say. “Nothing much. Doing my homework/studying for a test…” That was about the extent of our conversations, but it happened every night. </p>
<p>When I went away to college it was via phone. I always chatted with my mom, but my dad and I had the same conversation. When I went to study abroad in Europe after graduation, it was in writing, although for someone I never saw write a letter, he was very newsy with stuff he wouldn’t need to tell me in person (weather, his garden). </p>
<p>My last couple of phone conversations with S2 (which we initiated were just like that) were like that because he had not much to say. When he calls, he usually needs something or has some news to convey. </p>
<p>It is so much more helpful to be able to listen to all your stories and solutions because it is harder than I imagined.</p>
<p>My freshman S was without a cell phone for more than a week, and he finally got the new one I sent him in the mail. It took two days for him to try it out and call me! We had a long conversation, and it was so good to hear his voice. He has been emailing, but the calls while walking on campus or taking a break somewhere on campus seem to be easier for him for the bulk of the info. Typing a long email takes more time.</p>
<p>I think I have finally heard enough about his daily life that I can picture what is going on with him, and we have dealt with the initial problems (dead phone, bank accounts, sending him the music he thought he wouldn’t need, etc), so that now I can sit back and await his contacts.</p>
<p>I’m still stunned by how difficult this has been and surprised at myself that I didn’t anticipate it. I read a book about the transition years from high school through college, and though it mentioned a bit about “empty nest” syndrome I don’t think it did the process full justice. As another frosh mom said to me, “It is a longing for the way things were.” Anyway, I think it’s been easier on my friends with daughters because those phone calls still feel like a presence in your life. I just made my 12 year old to promise to call me a lot from college. I’m getting it in writing.</p>
<p>It varies so much from kid to kid. My oldest checked in about once a week, never seemed to call with problems (would just tell us about them once they were solved). Middle child called every day or two for just quick check-ins. Her calls were usually made as she was walking to class or in the car–I would get a few minutes, then “well, I’m here now…gotta go!”. My youngest, after 3 years away still calls several times a day. Sometimes with problems, sometimes to vent, sometimes with good news and most times just to talk. He has called me several times a day the last couple days to discuss bail-out, good buys on stocks, impact on our finances and any thing else he has read or seen on news.</p>
<p>My older one calls everyday, and I really like to hear her voice. My younger daughter, who is 14, went away to a school retreat last week for 3 days decided there was no need to bring her cell with her. I was a bit upset when she came back about not speaking to her for 3 days. She told me there no need because she was perfectly safe and she was busy. I fully expect with this little one when she goes off to college it will be need to know basis.</p>
<p>Helenback - I love your ideas! I know that the calls will taper off eventually, and I’m planning on using them…they are much funnier than anything I was contemplating. Your sense of humor fits right in with our family…I think you’re a long-lost relative!</p>
<p>One way to get S to call: “We need tech support!”
Actually, so far, it’s been pretty good. He has not initiated any calls, but if we text and ask him to call, he does, and we have good chats. Have also gotten unsolicited emails from him, and he even replies after I respond. Mostly we’ve been talking about course placement, but sometimes interesting tidbits pop out.</p>
<p>I know–I’m funny, right? Why wouldn’t you want to talk to me on the phone?! Well anyway Neonzeus, it’s always nice to find a member of the tribe. I’d be happy to abandon my extended family to join yours–well, not the ones that live in good vacation areas, but the other drunk ones. </p>
<p>I told my aunt earlier this week that if I’d known my tremendous parenting dedication would be rewarded by being discarded like an old sock I could’ve skipped all the effort and just laid on the couch with a tumbler of bourbon.</p>
<p>Helenback, if you had just slouched on the couch drinking, your S probably wouldn’t be off at college successfully handling things. Instead, he might still be at home on the couch with you. And you wouldn’t want him to be there!</p>
<p>Thanks for the chuckle.</p>
<p>I’ve suddenly gotten a lot of email and calls from my D because she has decided she would like to spend the holidays in Europe with a friend. Amazing how friendly they become when there is money on the table. Not a chance.</p>
<p>^^helen, you own my new favorite name. nice work.</p>
<p>^Haha, I noticed that too. I’m holding on, ie no texting, emailing to see who is going to call first this week.</p>
<p>All during the hs years I envied my friends who had boys. They didnt have to deal w/ a hs girls drama bad hair days, nothing cute to wear days, nobody likes me days, I have a big zit on my chin days, …</p>
<p>Trust me, I have earned the morning I LOVE you mom text and the daily phone calls. :)</p>
<p>Hubby just announced he was going to be in the area of son’s college (90 minutes away) on Friday and that he is going to call S and ask he he could “drop by”. We were just there 2 weeks ago for parents’ weekend. Is he being a “helicopter dad”?</p>
<p>toledo, no he is not being a helicopter dad. If son was having an issue with a professor or a roommate, and dad went out of his way to go over there to “help,” that would be a helicopter dad. It’s more likely that your husband just really misses your son and is capitalizing on an opportunity to visit again.</p>
<p>toledo, I think it’s okay too. He’s calling and asking before going and presumably will just be there for a few hours. </p>
<p>riverrunner, thanks for pointing out helen’s screenname. It completely slipped past me. That’s a good one, helen.</p>
<p>I’m one of the lucky parents of sons who call. It’s really nice. I haven’t felt too much of a pang over him leaving simply because he keeps in touch so well plus I’m thrilled for the opportunities he has. He’s had some “down” moments as well as lots of good ones, and it has been good to hear him figure out what has triggered those and how he can avoid having them happen. And of course, nothing beats a happy phone call. He’s off to a terrific start in classes and has excitedly called after getting back papers. We’ve had some hilarious phone calls over his adventures in being on his own. I’m feeling totally spoiled.</p>
<p>And the second son will make up for it. I’ll be one of those saying, “It’s been six weeks, and I haven’t heard a peep!” and the nest will be empty at that point. CountingDown, I’m remembering that “We need tech support” strategy. That one will work.</p>
<p>My husband also visited my son when he was nearby with a business commitment, and I think as long as you’re not doing a “pop-in” it’s fine. Then again, my friend talked to her freshman s last week and said his father would be in town and would like to take him to lunch and he said, “I don’t know because I’ve got a lot going on and I’m really busy.” She asked him to call later to chat with dad about it and he never called back. He also dropped his cellphone in the Chicago river so they can’t call him. He says it was an accident but…</p>
<p>I also liked the point about all the girl drama that I was spared in those high school years and that was a powerful insight. I used to run a group home for teenage boys, and occasionally I’d sub at the girl house. Ugh! I’d rather live with 8 teenage boys than 2 teenage girls. Then again, these were delinquents so it might not have been really representative of the experience.</p>