So, I’m a freshman in cybersecurity, I am also the only woman in my major for my graduating class. This has given me many opportunities for my first semester, besides taking classes within my major (thanks to our “upside down curriculum”), I have successfully finished an unpaid internship, gotten a position on campus that pays about $100 a week, and really have shaped who I will be. This has been great, I am happy and social. Except, my grades kinda sucked.
I knew I’d get a C or D in stats, I was never good at math, like Ds for every math class I ever took since 7th grade. But I did not expect to get a 50 on a final paper in a core class, with no explanation, and bump my grade down from a B to a C+, then my python programming teacher would not round a 79.89 up to a B. Overall, I finished with a 2.3 (I did get a B+ in my networking and security class, so I am happy that I at least understand what I am doing within my major). I am not happy with this at all. I know I only did the bare minimum, which was stupid of me. I can’t change that, and I am happy to learn from my mistakes. I just know I can do better!
I do have issues with attention that are not treated, and I do not want to take medication for them. However, my roommate frequently sexiled me to the point where I was living in other people’s dorms for a month and it put a massive strain on my relationship with my now ex boyfriend. I would be walking in at 11 in the morning the next day, obviously disshelved and tired, to my roommate and her boyfriend sleeping (or going at it). We did talk about this since she finished the semester with a 2.0 since she was skipping classes for this boy and just not doing the work. So obviously the too much happening the room will be changing around very quickly. I know I can’t use that as an excuse, but unfortunately it did contribute to the overall downfall of my physical and mental health around November, where I became very sick from not sleeping, barely being able to take care of myself, and living in other peoples’ rooms. The worst was when I had a concussion (got this over Thanksgiving break) and also the stomach bug, my roommate’s boyfriend REFUSED to leave after I told him I wanted to just be with my roommate, it was so bad that my boyfriend ended up coming over and asking him to leave since he would not listen to either my roommate or myself. I just felt like a guest in my own room and essentially was a nomad.
But, I feel as though I want a new start and I don’t know how to go about this. I want to be a better self, and I feel this means that I need to drop some toxic people and just focus more on myself. Does anybody have any tips on how to improve for the second semester? Obviously I will be studying, making a schedule I actually follow, having a more consistent sleep schedule, using syllabus week to get ahead of the readings and actually reading the assigned texts, going to the gym, and doing more self-care. I don’t party, I get more enjoyment hanging out with close friends on the weekends and just talking, exploring the city we live in, and trying to not get caught by public security for doing dumb things. I also have one friend that just is not there maturity wise, she has put a strain on my entire friend group due to her just not being mature in situations, blaming others for her mistakes, fighting my boyfriend, fighting an international student I am very close to, and just not being able to keep her mouth shut. I don’t want to drop her, but shes being quite toxic and I can’t just magically make her mature. Its unfortunate, and she won’t listen to anybody telling her that she needs to grow up and to stop blaming others for her actions (We already had this talk, she refused to listen and told me I am immature)
I just want to be a better me with better grades, which is what college was supposed to be. I know this seems long winded and its all on me to make these changes so I don’t make the same mistakes, so any tips on what other changes I can make to my life?
^Paragraph breaks will make future posts easier to follow.
Put your foot down on the sexiling. Get your RA involved if you have to. Tell your roommate when you will be out (“I’m going to the library from 7-10 tonight, so you can have the room to yourself then. I’ll be back st 10 so I can shower and get to class/get up and study tomorrow”.). Then enter the room at 10, and politely ask her partner to leave if he doesn’t immediately start to do so. I’d be direct, pleasant, polite. But firm.
Don’t just do your work in your classes, work AHEAD in them. Get the reading done and try the homework coming up before class. Take advantage of tutoring and office hours. Form study groups with others in your class. Don’t ask profs to round up – do the work so there isn’t a question that you earned the higher grade.
Dump the immature friend. You don’t have time for drama. Don’t bring the drama yourself.
Do you have to take more math? That seems to be a big risk for you. Maybe pay a tutor in that subject if you have to.
It is late at night, so I will try to keep this as brief and to the point as possible.
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You’re doing great! Grades are important but experience is even more so and looks like you are doing good so far there, but you are concerned about grades which is good and it is a good time to develop strategies for that.
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You have issues with attention. You don’t have to get them treated with medication, however it can be a massive benefit to you to get them checked out. By getting them checked out, you can develop strategies for those attention issues with a professional or get accommodations for them when it comes to deadlines/test taking. My girlfriend, who is a counselor, encouraged me to get some things checked out and it has been really beneficial, even without necessarily taking the medication route.
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It sounds like you have some roommate and some SO boundary issues. You can always switch out into a different room with another person. If you want to remain friends with your roommate, fine. But you can do that while not being roommates and it sounds like this current set up is not working well with you or your college schedule. If you decide not to move, you need to make it VERY CLEAR with your roommate what the guest policies are, because at the end of the day it is your room, and you deserve to live in it.
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As for better grades, going to office hours helps a ton, seeking out friends in your classes, seeing if any tutors are available, finding ways to make things interesting/motivational for you, and overall setting aside time to be kept up to date with your classes.
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Take care of your physical/mental health. See above notes about seeing a counselor or finding physical activity that may be calming/something you enjoy.
It doesn’t feel spontaneous and fun, but make a schedule for yourself, noting what you will do and when, and stick to it. And no phone near you when you are studying!
It’s easy to feel like you have tons of time to get everything done, but it helps to break it into smaller pieces and also to be realistic about how long tasks can take. You can also schedule time for fun. At some level, that’s what high school did with daily classes and homework. But don’t let it get away from you and feel overwhelming.
And yes, use office hours, TA sessions, study groups as well.
- You pay for the room. Let your roommate know that the way the sexiling worked last year doesn't work for you. It is your room, and you are going to be there, so she needs to make other arrangements. You of course will let her know when you won't be in the room for a few hours and will text her when you are coming back. If you have any issues with this, talk to your RA. REMEMBER: IT IS YOUR ROOM, not the boys.
- See this post on tips on doing better in classes
- I would get the Attention/concussion addressed. At least talk to the dean of students/disability office about how you can get accomodations if you need them.
tl;dr: Don’t try to do everything on your own. Get help when you need it. The college has a whole ton of resources for you…RAs, Housing Office, Counseling center, Professor Office hours, Deans office, etc. USE THEM!!!