freshman at crossroads

Parents Forum
1

<p>To sum up, my brother just finished a so-so year. My mother said, “It wasn’t as awful as your freshman year… yet, he wasn’t walking on the clouds the way you did when you transferred to Colgate…So I have no idea what to think.” I knew that my situation was different and I just kept my mouth shut and just encourage my brother based on my observations with my friends who stayed all the way through.</p>

<p>He was at a large rural LAC, about 8 hours away from our home. He just wanted to get out of the Northeast- which he did. He wanted to attend business school. This place has it but offers admissions only for freshmen and juniors. So he’s just working towards getting a qualifying GPA and completing his requirements for admissions. This place also has a ROTC program, which was the biggest draw for him to this place. For the first few months, he was in honeymoon and talked about getting a RA job and rushing for a frat. He was a brand new man.</p>

<p>Things fell through this past semester. He rushed one frat (despite my advice as an experienced Panhel board member to rush more places) but didn’t get in. And all of his friends did. That affected his housing situation- he requested for a single. My mom and I don’t like the idea but my dad supports it (“He’ll get some studying done!”). He didn’t get a RA job because he missed the GPA cut-off by like .2 points.</p>

<p>All through this year, he worked hard to get a ROTC scholarship as he assured my parents that they’ll only pay for one year and he’ll take on the rest with his scholarship. Out of about 40 kids that started this year, 20 already had scholarships. A few dropped out. By the end of this year, out of 17 kids left without scholarships, 6 of them got it. My brother wasn’t one of them. He was very surprised and asked why. They assured him that he’ll get it next year. </p>

<p>Now he’s at crossroads and looking at different options.

  1. Stay put and hope to get the scholarship, go away for a semester in his junior year
  2. Stay put and just go away for the whole junior year if he doesn’t get scholarship. He’ll at least have just one more year.
  3. Possible transfer but doesn’t have an idea yet. My only worry is that if he doesn’t do a winter sophomore transfer, he’s not really going to be able to go abroad during school year or apply to any undergraduate business schools since so many of them are 4 year programs.</p>

<p>We’re not even sure about the b-school. He’ll apply but his GPA is on the fence. He doesn’t participate in any other EC activities other than the ROTC program and his intramural hockey with the ROTC team. His social circle is fairly small and prefers to keep to himself. He doesn’t like to talk about himself or make much effort to reach out other people. He’s far from being shy by any means, just tends to put up walls around him. He’s really happiest when he’s with his best friends from home and they’re all in New England for school.</p>

<p>My mom will support him whatever he decides to do. After seeing what I’ve gone through and survived just fine, she’s confident that he’ll get through college. My dad, my mom thinks, will go ballistic if he suggests transferring because his school is top 25 for undergraduate business school and he wants him to have security in that world with the brand name. I do think that he’ll make an exception for Colgate, our alma mater.</p>

<p>(Interesting, I got opposite reactions from both parents when I was in process of transferring…)</p>

<p>I’m staying out of this whole thing as I’m so busy with my own life. But I want him to have a good time in college and get the most of out of the experience- creating networks, building some memories, and learning some life lessons outside of the classroom. Without any of this, I’m not sure if I would even be able to do what I did in the past year since I graduated. What can I say to reassure my parents? What kind of non-nagging advice can I gave my brother, other than to start looking at programs and apply for study abroad in his fall semester? He can’t just keep saying “I’ll get it, don’t worry about me,” and expect things to fall on his lap just based on what people say to him. He’s just not much of a self-advocate.</p>

2

<p>My advice is to leave your brother alone and let him live his own life. Stop comparing your college experience with how you perceive his college experience. He enjoys ROTC and he’s participating in the program. He wasn’t offered the ROTC scholarship but you seem more upset about it than he does. He rushed a frat and didn’t get in, but a few of his friends did get in. Hey, at least he gave it a shot and maybe he’ll want to try again next year. He wants to live in a single room–his choice, his life. </p>

<p>What is your push for him to go abroad? It’s not like it’s a mandatory part of college to study abroad. Leave him alone and let him find his own path. He’s going to school. He’s not unhappy (you seem far too involved in his life). He has friends. He participates in ROTC. He attends his classes and his grades aren’t terrible. What’s the problem here?</p>

<p>Let him make his own choices. In short–live your life and stop trying to control his life. Stop comparing him to you or you to him.</p>

3

<p>Can ROTC students go abroad?</p>

<p>I was under the impression that ROTC was a four-year program, with classes every semester. It’s hard to see how that could be compatible with study abroad.</p>

<p>Of course, study abroad is far from essential.</p>

<p>Living in a single is not necessarily a bad experience. My son lived in a single as a sophomore and my daughter did it as a freshman, and both of them enjoyed it. It can be nice to be able to plan your life without taking a roommate’s needs into account, and living in a single does not have to be isolating – you can see your friends anyway.</p>

<p>A more important concern is the business major. If your brother does not get accepted into it as a junior, it would be a good idea for him to have an alternate plan. He has to major in something!</p>

4

<p>“My advice is to leave your brother alone and let him live his own life.”</p>

<p>I agree. If he wants advice here, he’s old enough to ask for himself.</p>

5

<p>My S just graduated/commissioned through ROTC(scholarship) last month. There was no way he could have done a semester abroad. What branch of ROTC is it? Army?
If his superior officer feels confident of him getting a ROTC scholarship next year then his chances are prob. good. Is your brother deteremined to go abroad? You didn’t mention that as one of his goals but included it in almost all the options you laid out for him. What does your brother want to do?</p>

<p>ROTC is a huge EC. It becomes a major part of your life and does not leave a lot of extra time for other EC’s. It is like having a second major plus all the PT time. You should not expect him to be involved in tons of other stuff if he is committed to ROTC.<br>
And if he expects to be successful in ROTC, he has to be fully committed to it rather than worrying about getting in a fraternity and a semester abroad. ROTC is a fraternity in itself. The people who get the scholarships are the ones who are really focused on being military officers. Your brother needs to just figure out what is most imp. to him and pursue it. It’s not your job as his sister to figure it out for him.</p>