Freshman D wants to transfer for boyfriend

<p>D, now a freshman at an OOS university about 4 hours drive, is already talking about transferring to where ever her bf (HS senior) decides to go. It's very unlikely he could go to her school. I understand where she's coming from, but it's still hard to think about giving up on the school we put such an effort into "finding". The tours, the trips, the applications, more trips, coming down to the decision wire, the cost. And right now it's back up in the air and complicated and messy. </p>

<p>Haven't mentioned this all to H as yet, as he's probably not going to take it all that well. </p>

<p>What are people's experiences along these lines?</p>

<p>Have you heard the term “turkey drop”? Many relationships such as your daughters will break up by Thanksgiving. Not always, my d’s high school relationship didn’t break up until spring of her sophomore year in college. </p>

<p>If it were my family having this conversation, I’d suggest that she should finish out her freshman year before discussing transferring. Then, if she still doesn’t want to be so far away from her bf next year, she can take a leave of absence from her college (not a withdrawal) and do a gap year while doing transfer apps. Then decide in the spring of 2015 while her gap year is winding down.</p>

<p>not a chance</p>

<p>My daughter’s bf transferred to be with her. She didn’t really want him to do this but didn’t feel as if she could say “no.”</p>

<p>After he got there the pressure he put on her because HE’d transferred to “be with her” was more than the relationship could stand. She eventually broke up with him.</p>

<p>It’s important for your daughter to understand that if she is transferring schools it needs to be because SHE wants to go to the school. The relationship may not last, and she also can’t have extra expectations of the boyfriend just because she chooses to go where he is. </p>

<p>It’s a recipe for failure, in my opinion.</p>

<p>Just make sure your daughter understands SHE will be responsible for her own happiness when she gets there and if it doesn’t work out, she will be there… with him…</p>

<p>^Why would she need a gap year to do applications? That would just be ANOTHER year with him in one place and her in another. Transfer apps can’t take THAT much.</p>

<p>This is the D who wants you to entertain her Bf while she is away at college?</p>

<p>Why not tell her that if their relationship is meant to last, it will endure through the temporary separation of college? If it is not meant to last, then it is not worth either of them giving up his/her best fit college opportunities.</p>

<p>If your daughter decides to do this, make sure she does not withdraw from her current university, as pointed out by another poster. My neighbor’s son withdrew from his university to attend his girlfriend’s university. When he got there, she was with another guy. He tried to return to his previous university, but since he had withdrawn he could not get back in. If your daughter is at a “superior” school to the one she is planning to follow her bf to, I would ask her to seriously think about the possible consequences. I know a woman who wears Harvard sweatshirts and carries a Harvard keychain. Why? Because after her first semester, she left Harvard to be with her boyfriend at Tufts. Two weeks later, he dumped her. She graduated from Tufts but obviously never got over her mistake. Nevertheless, you are fortunate that she has nearly a whole year to decide to make a move. Her bf may find someone new or she may meet someone at her current college. Or she may come to love her current college so well that she refuses to give it up. For now, I would encourage her to meet people and get as involved as possible at her college and really give it a chance.</p>

<p>DD had a roommate. The gal moved out to move into the dorm where her BF lived. By the winter term, they were no longer an item.</p>

<p>WhatisNormal…if this girl matriculates at another college, I don’t believe she can also be on a LOA from the first school. Once she matriculates elsewhere…she would be done with the first school…I believe.</p>

<p>P.S. tufts is a great school.</p>

<p>I’m torn. Sometimes I’m sad and sometimes, like now, I’m glad I didn’t have a daughter. :-/</p>

<p>Why, in this day and age, are young women still doing stuff like this?! …following a boy at the expense of themselves.</p>

<p>xaniamom, I suggested a gap year in order to do the applications then. It would be good if she could stay focused on the school she is at this year and not do any applications until this school year is over. Unless she can get them done over the summer, then a gap year may be OK. She could be close to her BF and do the applications. It may only need to be a gap semester. </p>

<p>I was merely trying to suggest that she not do the applications during this school year, doing the applications during this year just keeps it front and center in her mind.</p>

<p>Why, in this day and age, are young women still doing stuff like this?! …following a boy at the expense of themselves.
I don’t think many are.
The only case I have directly heard of, was a young woman who came home from her lac 200 miles away to see her Bf who was attending the flagship U in her hometown.(weekends)
She did transfer after her freshman year to the univ, but then transferred back to her lac for her jr yr.
Many of the young women I know, didn’t even want to date in high school because they didn’t want to be distracted.( they did have social lives, just not serious romantic entanglements)</p>

<p>Best plan in this case is: delay delay delay…dollars to donuts this resolves itself by spring LATEST.</p>

<p>I would not be supportive of a transfer this year for the bf reason. I would tell her she needs to finish out her freshman year, and both of them should attend their separate schools next year in the fall. If she still wants to transfer after Christmas of her sophomore year, then she can do so (if his college offers her major). If the relationship was meant to be, that extra time apart won’t hurt them. If not, better to find out before she uproots her whole life to follow him.</p>

<p>Sometimes I think people do this type of thing because they are worried they are already losing the other person… which probably means it WASN’T meant to be. But that is really hard to admit at any age, and especially at 18.</p>

<p>My college roommate’s HS boyfriend (who was one year younger), transferred to HER college after only one semester (from private LAC to OOS public) at his school. His parents were really upset because they had met at the same LAC, and had pushed their son to go there. The couple is still together (married, two kids) 30+ years later. Some people are just meant to be together, I guess. </p>

<p>I’m glad my kids are “late bloomers” (so far, anyway). None (of four) have dated in HS.</p>

<p>So I’m reading this thread and my doorbell rings. Guess who it is? S’s GF saying that S wants to transfer. She’s concerned and thought we should know about it.</p>


<p>My daughters boyfriend followed her, not the other way around. She wouldn’t have even considered it. </p>

<p>Good luck Toledo.</p>


I don’t believe in the “meant to be” concept, which implies some sort of outside dictator of whether or not one has a certain relationship. Either it works and you carry on, or it doesn’t work and you carry on, or it doesn’t work and you separate, etc. But the idea that it was or wasn’t “meant to be” has no meaning to me whatsoever.</p>

<p>I would treat it as “Wah, Wah, Wah.” And say, “let’s wait to see where he gets in first.”</p>

<p>Ok, then rephrase it as:</p>

<p>If the relationship is strong, it will endure the temporary distancing of the people attending the different colleges that are best for each individually. If the relationship is weak, it is not worth either of them giving up his/her best fit college opportunities for.</p>