You are correct on that. My error. I’ll edit.
I personally agree with you even when it comes to social media posts, but honestly you’re in the position of King Canute railing against the tide.
Just accept your old-fogihood with grace, and go quietly when they cart you off to the glue factory.
What’s the point? Being rich or poor doesn’t inherently make someone more right or more wrong.
The one in El Monte ranks higher on that site than the one in San Lorenzo but I’m still correct on the demographics. It is not a privileged school.
I’m not going quietly when they haul me off. Grace isn’t one of my strengths. 
And stay off my lawn!
The point of posting the demographics of her high school was to dispel the speculation from those upthread that the she was a privileged kid, and that that was somehow influencing this. Sheesh! I don’t think demographics explain anything about this situation at all! I was just trying to curb the weirdly baseless speculation about privilege!
I totally agree that grammar affects one’s prospects. I agree 100%. My point is that not all students come from backgrounds from which good grammar flows naturally. I’m hoping that will be corrected by the time they emerge from UCLA. Increasing social mobility in disadvantaged communities is one of the primary missions of the University of California, after all.
I got where you were going, nottelling, and I appreciated it :-). Somehow, weirdly, some hypothesis got established that the two good roommates were wealthy and privileged BFFS - which of course meant that they were rude to poor Ashly who had no option but to lash back out!! It’s like whisper down the lane here …
Your points are valid, @nottelling. There has been a fair amount of baseless speculation on this thread.
Let me explain why I raised the ethnicity issue: It appears to me that Ashly feels like the “odd-woman-out.” As zoosermom observed, if she wasn’t already, she is now. The relevance of the observation continues below.
I am trying to understand Ashly’s reaction. In my experience, it is very rare that people just “go off.” If there is an intense reaction, it is usually based on something the person has perceived, which might be real or imagined.
Since Ashly says that she has given up on the lower bunk, I think that she must have previously expressed a preference for it, and been over-ruled by the other two. (Maybe they voted.) One can’t tell, because the earlier parts of the email exchange have been removed. For the same reason, there is no telling what it was (or nothing) that set Ashly off.
I think PG is almost certainly wrong about Ashly’s background and Glenaerie probably has it right. Of course, I don’t know. But apparently Ashly does not use social media, and only communicates by email, while the other two use social media. I agree with Glenaerie that Ashly may not have a cell phone or tablet. Do you know high schoolers who don’t use any social media, PG? I have the impression that even using Facebook rather than other platforms is an indication of being an old fogy.
Ashly does not come across to me as having grown up in a privileged background. Of course, again, I could be wrong. But she comes across to me as someone who has grown up in surroundings where sticking up for one’s rights, in a verbally aggressive way, may be necessary from time to time.
How did the news outlets that reported this get the story, anyway? Also, don’t the news outlets know about cropping photos? Why drag a third young woman with no connection to the story into it?
Different colors of graduation gowns for young men and young women would not fly around here, in public schools–everyone graduates in a gown of the same color, usually one of the school colors. Private schools in my region do sometimes have different colors for men and women–so I leapt to the conclusion that the one in the photo was a private school. Sorry for the error. I acknowledge that the practice is apparently different in California.
It will be interesting if more of the story comes out, to see what the situation actually is. Of course, if I were Ashly, I would already be requesting to transfer to the University of North Dakota, or somewhere.
To add, on the email vs. social media issue: I am pretty sure that Winnie and Giustina were communicating via social media. So they may have connected after an initial contact via email. The stories seemed to indicate that Ashly did not use social media. Is that incorrect?
PG, I admit, if I had found out that Winnie and Giustinna were private school grads, I would have concluded that the odds were that they were better off socioeconomically than the average Californian. This could be incorrect, too, because they might both have been on scholarships. But it would have been the odds-on guess. I would have continued that thought to suggest that they might not understand where Ashly is coming from (to use a phrase from the 70’s). In any event, per posts by others on this thread who may know, they are apparently public high school grads from different schools. They still might not understand where Ashly is coming from.
Psychologists should throw out all their Rorshach tests and replace them with articles like this.
Seeing the personal baggage that people - on either side - bring to the table when they read these kind of stories is fascinating. Never knew there was so much to see in an inkblot …
Although I’m not a fan of oversharing on social media, I don’t fault these girls for posting. I would have personally tried the school route first–asking for a roommate switch or an investigation into the matter to determine if the roommate is a threat. If the school swept under the rug, I think shining a light on the bully takes away their power and puts the school on notice (and hopefully inspires them to take a closer look at the situation). Hopefully the school is at least stepping in to ensure the girls are safe and Ashly isn’t a threat. Perhaps Ashly just needs some anger management counseling and new tools to communicate and get along with others. Whether they get a new roommate or Ashly gets the help she needs, the first priority should be that everyone feels safe (not getting along wouldn’t be my primary concern). As a parent, I would have personally contacted the school and asked for reassurance that they met with Ashly to ensure she is not a threat. That said, I can’t tell if the girls feel threatened or if they are turning the tables on Ashly in an equally not so nice way.
You leapt to the conclusion it was a private school because you wanted to, QM. You consistently have the narrative of pitying the underdog and you created a mental narrative for yourself that Ashly was some different ethnicity, not affluent, and just defending herself against privileged private school BFFs who had already divvied up the room. And then you took the scant “facts” to justify your narrative. Oooh, look at the picture of the two girls, they must already know one another and they must already be private school girls which means they are spoiled and entitled. Meanwhile, it wasn’t even a picture of the two girls in question and the color gowns didn’t denote what you thought they did!
Can’t you take things at face value? Ashly already said she’s a short-fuse person and escalates things when she doesn’t get her way. Why don’t you take her at face value instead of presuming that the other girls provoked her?
Also, re doschicos #79–the over-reaction by Ashly is only apparent, unless we see the earlier emails, and understand how Ashly feels. I referred to an “apparent over-reaction” in my earlier posts.
Good grief. Is it so difficult to say Ashly was off base in how she dealt with discussions on how to divvy up beds and closets? It’s like pulling teeth here.
My real point on the demographics was that Ashly possibly felt like the odd-woman-out from the get-go.
One of the reports did state that Ashly didn’t use social media and was angered that there was no reply to her email after a week.
While getting angered after not receiving an email after a day or two is excessive, not getting an email after a week would lead most people IME to feel they’re being ignored.
And if one can access social media as frequently as the other two roommates, the very internet access they use to access social media could also be used to dash off a reply…even to merely acknowledge receipt and say “Sorry, I can’t write more. Been busy packing”.
And I say that as someone who was recently called out by several friends and a few older relatives for “not replying” to emails they sent days or even weeks ago. That is until they found I never received their emails and it turned out my email account had a recent issue of losing emails for all users of that provider due to misconfiguration/bugs on their part.
However, that’s no excuse for Ashly to write a hostile threatening email to the extent she did. Especially considering the threats made violate conduct/civility codes of several colleges I know of.
Pure projection on your part, QM. She might have acted the exact same way if she were just sharing with one roommate - she might have equally demanded that she get her choice of bed and closet and that’s that and don’t try me, I’ll escalate things. That’s nothing but an attempt on your part to be sympathetic/empathetic towards her and excuse her.
“In my experience, it is very rare that people just “go off.””
My experience is different. People with personality disorders do just “go off.” I have no idea if that’s what’s going on with Ashly, but her behavior is not surprising to me. The Ashly email we see makes clear that the roommates didn’t respond to her first one. So there isn’t any missing email from them that might have provoked Ashly; she says that she is provoked by their silence.
“she comes across to me as someone who has grown up in surroundings where sticking up for one’s rights, in a verbally aggressive way, may be necessary from time to time.”
I agree with you, but there aren’t any rights at issue here. No one has a right to a particular desk, closet, etc. If you don’t get that, you aren’t ready to live in a UCLA dorm.
I’m in a Facebook group for college admissions counselors, and some members were skeptical that anyone would behave like Ashly without provocation. A bunch of counselors who have worked in Res Life in the past set them straight. “That’s real. I’ve seen crazier than that many times.”