You are right, PG, to suggest that I often offer support for the apparent underdog. In this case, Ashly looks to me like the underdog, because there is no seeing her side of the whole story (so far).
My high-school American lit teacher, who had a strong influence on me, once pronounced in class that “Americans support the underdog.” Well, a gross generalization, years ago, and not exactly right, but there is a kernel of truth there. In any event, it resonated with me.
Where you are off-base is in attributing the whole “spoiled-and-entitled”-BFF’s-from-private-school scenario to me. That’s getting really carried away, relative to what I think. Although QMP did not go to a private school, all but two of the other family members of that generation did. I don’t think going to private school makes one spoiled, nor that growing up relatively well-off makes one spoiled. I don’t think either makes one entitled. And apparently, it is totally irrelevant anyway.
I just think that the other two young women may not understand Ashly’s circumstances. I also think that they have connected with each other in a way that they did not connect with Ashly.
Hanna, how do you interpret Ashly’s statement that she has given up on the bottom bunk? If you think her earlier email, that got a slow response, was the first in the chain, then she must have requested the bottom bunk in it. In the absence of a contradictory reply, I think that most people would interpret that as agreement. Or if not as agreement, then not as a reason to “give up” on the request, in any event.
I think there is quite a bit more to the story. It may never come out.
What “circumstances” does Ashly have that are different from those of the other two? Facts, not speculation.
And yes, of course they connected with one another in a way they didn’t connect with Ashly. Because presumably their communications to one another were normal, civil and collaborative about how to divvy up the room, and Ashly’s weren’t! Am I supposed to feel sorry for Ashly because no one connects with her after she sends out unnecessarily nasty, demanding emails indicating that things will be her way or the highway??
PG, I am writing about the use of social media for communications (by the other two) and not by Ashly.
The whole discussion is short on facts, starting from the truncation of the email exchange, for the media articles.
Even if the other two girls were the children of movie stars and Ashly was poor - which is still pure speculation - her behavior as put forth in the email is still inappropriate, QM. It seems you will twist everything into pretzels to avoid acknowledging this. There is nothing the other 2 “need to understand.”
“Hanna, how do you interpret Ashly’s statement that she has given up on the bottom bunk?”
She interpreted the silence as hostility to her demands. It is, again, clear from the letter that she assumes the roommates read her previous email and are deliberately ignoring her. So she’s making a small concession in response to that perceived slap. (I also think it is reasonable to ignore abusive, demanding emails, if they had done so.)
If earlier emails come out, I’ll be interested to read them. Maybe the other two roommates were abusive first. But that’s not what I’m getting from this. Someone so aggressive and reactive would surely jump all over any statements she didn’t like. There is no “How dare you say X,” which I would expect.
It’s inappropriate by my standards, PG, but I have no idea what provoked it–and neither does anyone else, except possibly the other two roommates.
Hanna no doubt has encountered some situations that I haven’t. But I stand by my statement that I personally have never seen anyone “go off” unprovoked. Sometimes, the other people in the situation are unaware of the provocation.
Re Hanna’s post #126: Maybe Ashly did interpret the silence as lack of agreement–but I still don’t see why she would have phrased it in terms of giving up, in the absence of a contrary reply.
I seriously doubt that the messages from the other two roommates were abusive at all. I did not mean to imply that at all. But I think they may have inadvertently made Ashly feel that she had been left out of decision-making about the room up to that point. Or something else. They could have done this totally politely, and with good intentions. I referred earlier to what Ashly perceived, real or imagined.
In any event, I think that only one shoe has dropped here. The other may never drop.
@QuantMech, Ashly states outright that she is angry that no one responded to her emails, not that there was an inappropriate response regarding everyone’s preferences.
Having been the roommate of someone who went off with no provocation - Ashly’s behavior is all too familiar to me. In my junior year at University, my roommate accused me of “threatening her life”, and I was given 24 hours to respond to the charge or I would be thrown out of housing. I found out about this charge about 18 hours after it was made, when I returned to the dorm after a full day of classes and my 4 hour shift at work.
When my roommate and I went to meet with the Director of Housing (because roommate had had her parents calling and threatening the University with legal action), I was given a chance to give my side of the story (before we were to be spoken with together). I gave the Director all the info I had (which was not much, as I had been trying to avoid my roommate for months due to her crazy) and then she was called in. Within the first 5 minutes of the joint meeting - she told the Director that the situation “wasn’t really a big deal” and “she didn’t understand how this had escalated so quickly”. When I said that a threat to her (my roommate’s) life which was the charge I was under was certainly a big deal to me, and I couldn’t understand why she was saying her accusation wasn’t a big deal - she said (and this is burned in my brain almost 25 years later) - “I wouldn’t have said that if you had asked me about my winter break.”
“I WOULDN"T HAVE SAID THAT IF YOU HAD ASKED ME ABOUT MY WINTER BREAK.”
The Director of Housing and I both stared at her with our months wide open. I was dumbfounded. And she sat there acting as if our shock was the strange thing. To Housing’s credit, the Director looked at me, apologized for having put me through this situation, and told me that they would find me new housing by the next day. I was put into a much nicer dorm apartment and tried to never see that person again.
So, for people who have never experienced this - the crazy can be real. And if you’ve never dealt with crazy - trust me you can’t fix it, or work with it, or avoid it. It is a whirlwind that will try to destroy you as long as you are in its path.
ETA: The storm of anger that roommate showed when I was told I would be getting a new room assignment (and the apology from Housing) was huge. She was screaming and crying as I left the office.
Ashly indicates she gave in on something, then aggressively makes a list of demands (she feels justified to do this). The other roommate implies that giving in on something doesn’t justify her demands/tone. There is information missing (whatever transpired before Ashly’s emails) but that doesn’t excuse Ashly’s emails. The information we don’t know is if the two other girls were equally inappropriate beforehand.
I actually caught the first email the same way as QuantMech. I come from a lower class background, where resources are more scarce and you have to be prepared to fight, even before knowing if there is competition, so I saw the first email as a person who expects to have to fight for everything being prepared to do so. Coming from that lifestyle, I find it unpleasant to deal with, but I do understand that some people have backgrounds that make them combative in just about every situation, particularly unknown situations.
Has anyone in the media actually seen the source emails? Or are we just relying on screenshots from a twitter account? That is why I am so skeptical that this is actually what it’s represented as. I think all three “participants” - willing or not - need to be given the benefit of the doubt.
If today is move-in day, I shudder to think what Ashly may be going through right now. People taking phone pictures of her and posting them on social media. “Look! I’m in the same dorm as that crazy Ashly girl!!” Even, doG help us, “reporters” from online gossip rags.
If she is unstable, I wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t push her over the edge. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t just leave right then, or not even show up, if someone has clued her in to the social media storm. Her roommates may also regret having published the emails and their own names. I wonder if all of the published pictures of them posing for the camera were reproduced with their permission or without it?
Imagine how the parents feel. How to turn the excitement of move-in day into a nightmare for all concerned.
I would think that UCLA would have taken steps to nip this situation in the bud - either by talking with the girls prior to now, monitoring the move-in or something.
Watch. Next week we’ll see a photo of all three girls hugging “best roommates EVER” on social media.
Good point, sabaray #134, and thanks for the support, zoosermom, #133.
UCLA is apparently aware of the situation, and I really hope that sbasket’s scenario plays out, with the three girls hugging each other!
