Friend forgot my birthday. What about gift for her?

[starbright]

<p>If you don’t want drama, you can reduce it a lot. Stop thinking about it, posting about it, emoting over what she did or did not do, over-analyzing your past dynamics and dreaming about how to finally confront her. None of that is helping on the drama front. </p>

<p>You don’t need to confront her and put her in her place, you don’t need to get her a gift, you don’t need to avoid giving her a gift. You aren’t going to change who she is or who she attracts; but you can change your own behavior and take some ownership instead of playing a victim. This isn’t a real friend so there is no point in pretending to maintain the appearance that you are. </p>

<p>If your heart feels you want to get her a get well card or gift do so, if you do not, do not. If she brings it up, follow somemom’s advice, which is very good.</p>

[Pizzagirl]

<p>

I agree with somemom though sometimes I would really like to let her know how I feel. She IS mean and talks about EVERYBODY. It really gets on my nerves and I wonder why people actually like her and certain girls in our group actually try so hard to be in her good graces.

</p>

<p>First off, IME, adults really don’t go exchanging birthday gifts with friends (aside from relatives, and aside from a momentous occasion such as a 50th birthday party or something of that nature). This whole exchanging gifts with friends feels rather junior high to me.</p>

<p>Second, if you don’t LIKE her, you think she’s mean, why on EARTH would you spend any money on giving her a bday gift? Is someone who would lay into you for not giving her a gift be anybody you’d want to hang around with? </p>

<p>If you feel badly that she is having surgery, then get her a get well card. But have no expectations, don’t make it a quid pro quo. Life is SO much better when you stop keeping score of what others do / provide / give to you.</p>

[milkandsugar]

<p>Why on earth are you still friends with her if you feel as you do? It takes a little courage to “unfriend” someone, she doesn’t seem like she deserves to be your friend. I get that she is a part of a group, but you can be unavailable to her, she would likely get the message.</p>

[Cayuga]

<p>away2school–You sound pretty mad at this girl. Is there any reason you may ‘need’ her? ie need someone to be mad at?</p>

[Nrdsb4]

<p>

I agree with somemom though sometimes I would really like to let her know how I feel. She IS mean and talks about EVERYBODY. It really gets on my nerves and I wonder why people actually like her and certain girls in our group actually try so hard to be in her good graces.

</p>

<p>Well, maybe she has gotten wind of your true feelings about her and decided giving a gift to someone who thinks so poorly of her would be just too much to stomach.</p>

<p>

the answer is obvious…if you don’t like her, get a gift that she won’t like. Or is that too passive aggressive?

</p>

<p>Yes, it would be. Among other things.</p>

<p>I truly don’t understand why you would even want to receive a gift from someone you so clearly despise. Move on. That’s pretty much what most people do as they put time and distance between high school and adulthood.</p>