<p>I am home from college and my home friend did not give me a gift for my birthday which was last week. She is having surgery next week and her birthday is at the end of the summer.</p>
<p>I would usually get her a get well gift and birthday present but I feel kind of funny and foolish now. What should I do?</p>
<p>Write her a nice note wishing her the best on her surgery.
Be compassionate; if she’s having surgery next week, she’s got much more important things on her mind than your birthday.</p>
<p>Exactly. Be a friend to her when she needs one. This is not a big deal.</p>
<p>I would give her the benefit of the doubt, and treat her as you usually would.</p>
<p>If she doesn’t acknowledge your birthday next year, she isn’t just forgetting. She probably wants to stop exchanging gifts.</p>
<p>My friends and I just started skipping the gifts and take each other out for breakfast to celebrate - it doesn’t have to be on the actual day.</p>
<p>It’s a good time to stop with the “quid pro quo” outlook on gift giving or any act of kindness. Give a gift if you are so inclined but never let it hinge on whether you did or did not receive something.</p>
<p>Most think gifts are intended to bring joy to the recipient, and indirectly joy to the giver, knowing he/she has given pleasure.
If you see gifts as a trade, then don’t give.</p>
<p>i guess it’s weird for me because I am ALWAYS the one who is more giving and more attentive. She is so self absorbed that it is all about her. She’s a friend I knew from high school but I have made much better more genuine friends at college. I’m kinds stuck with her for the summer cause she’s a part of my group. The truth is I really don’t like her much (she’s nasty with comments and always has something negative to say about others). But it is my nature to give a little gift for get well and birthdays.</p>
<p>Will you visit her after surgery? You could take her flowers (grocery store price range) or a little treat (food), then wait and see how you feel at the end of the summer.</p>
<p>
To people that you “don’t like much”, find “self absorbed” and that you are “stuck with”??</p>
<p>It doesn’t seem to be in your nature to do that, and why would it be?</p>
<p>Do you foresee exchanging gifts with friends who are no longer friends for the rest of your life? That will get expensive. I love my close friends. I don’t give them birthday gifts, and don’t expect or even want them to give me gifts. What I do want is the pleasure of their company, the knowledge that they are true friends.</p>
<p>You might start to examine what friendship means to you.</p>
<p>How about starting a new tradition – like going out for some sort of treat halfway between your two birthdays? Maybe a movie or a restaurant meal?</p>
<p>A sweet get well card is great, no need to do a birthday gift unless you feel led to do that closer to the time.</p>
<p>Well, a card is always nice.</p>
<p>Around here, the kids all stop giving each other birthday gifts around the 7th grade. It’s pretty common for parents to include, “no gifts please” on the invitations as early as 4th or 5th grade.</p>
<p>So, the kids decorate each other’s lockers, give little things like candy. For close friends, my oldest does some photographs, since she takes a lot of pictures, youngest burns CD’s since she’s big into unknown type bands and really enjoys doing that for her friends. Of course, they both also do this off-date, not necessarily birthday or whatnot.</p>
<p>So, I would give a card or CD to a friend having surgery. I would not worry particularly about a birthday. YMMV</p>
<p>You other moms are a lot nicer than I am :). </p>
<p>I am not getting this. Maybe because I am an MOB (mom of boys) and not MOG? Do girls talk like this about their friends? It doesn’t sound like a friendship to me. Yes, I agree a Get Well card would be nice. At least it’s not usually part of some quid pro quo expectation.</p>
<p>jmmom- girls can talk like this about their friends sometimes, when they are feeling disconnected or irritated. Teens/young adults can wax & wane in their friendships over time. I suspect the OP does care about her friend but is ambivalent about her and maybe a bit hurt the friend forgot her birthday.</p>
<p>Jmmom-if this girl is part of the OPs crowd, it could be awkward and problematic to call her out and really make a statement, they attend different universities so don’t have day to day contact and it sounds like the OP is not really interested in finding a closer relationship, probably more likely just wanting to not be a target by this mean girl. Since they attend different schools there is really no reason to take it to the extreme. To just be polite and stay under the radar could work out much better.</p>
<p>I agree with somemom though sometimes I would really like to let her know how I feel. She IS mean and talks about EVERYBODY. It really gets on my nerves and I wonder why people actually like her and certain girls in our group actually try so hard to be in her good graces. </p>
<p>If I get her a gift I feel like I’m avoiding confrontation that I really don’t want to have BUT I feel kinds foolish for playing into it. If I don’t get her a gift I risk hearing about it and getting into a confrontation when all I want is to deal with her in peace and go back to college where my real, down to earth friends are!</p>
<p>But in my dreams I wish that somebody put her in her place! It bothers me that she is so mean to people and not only gets away with it, but people flock to her! Life is so unfair!!!</p>
<p>Good grief, if you don’t even like her don’t give her a birthday present. No big deal. It would be nice to send her a get well card and/or visit this not-friend.</p>
<p>I agree though, don’t go down the road of trying to make things even. It just leads to hurt feelings all around.</p>
<p>If you don’t spend the year with her, and she did not get you a gift, and you don’t want to get her a gift, then don’t get her one. If she says something after, you can easily say, “oh, I thought we were no longer doing bday gifts, now that we are out of HS…um, you did not get me one? I am confused?” and smile prettily</p>
<p>I AM SO TIRED OF PLAYING GAMES! I guess I have to if I don’t want drama and I don’t. I just wish me and others could let these nasty mean types know what they really are…but to confront them is just not worth it. So they go on getting away with their behavior.</p>
<p>the answer is obvious…if you don’t like her, get a gift that she won’t like. Or is that too passive aggressive?</p>
<p>one word of advice…stay away from speaking for the group of girls, and just deal with your own feelings/relationship with MG (mean girl). Also, if people flock to her, then she must have some charisma - it could even be her biting tongue and smart (but negative) wit.</p>