There must be a way to communicate to your friend “This is a fixable problem, don’t lose hope”, even if you don’t give unsolicited advice.
Good luck!
You sound like a terrific friend.
There were three incredible things that friends did for me when I was suffering through something (different from your friend, but bad situation).
1- Showed up on my doorstep to say “We can either walk around the block or sit in your kitchen and have tea. Your choice”. It felt good to move, even in the rain, even when I didn’t feel like exercising.
2-Showed up on my doorstep with food. People email and ask “how can I help” but the answer is always “I don’t need anything, thanks”. But show up with a nice salad? A big platter of fruit-- the time consuming stuff like melons in balls and a pineapple in little cubes-? A casserole dish with grilled salmon and steamed green beans? People tend to eat what’s easy when life gets tough, but a few weeks of carbs and fast food can really leave you feeling depleted.
3- Emailed affirmative messages like “thinking of you today and I know you guys can get through this”. No advice, no judgement, no help- just affirmation that you are stronger than you think.
When your life hits a speed bump, you quickly see who your real friends are. You sound like a gem.
@blossom , thanks! We don’t live in the same city, so I can do #3.
@blossom, excellent post. Don’t ASK, just show up and say you’re going to do such and such. That has meant so much to my family. @“Youdon’tsay” did that for my sister after the death of my nephew and it meant the world to our family. People going through a tough time or tragedy don’t have the energy to figure out what they need people to do for them.