Visits also help the family members who are often at their loved ones side a lot. At some point, there just isn’t that much to say or do in a hospital or rehab room so having others come is wonderful!
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I will give a bit of personal experience…when my dad passed and I got divorced, most of my family members and friends thought I would just carry on. It would have been helpful if they would have just called to see how I was doing. My mom and one friend called me everyday just to let me know I wasn’t alone. That friend also made a point of knowing when I was traveling so I had someone to tell, “I got here safely.” I will always be grateful to that friend. I think just a call or visit when someone is down or sick is what they need.
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I am not one of these people but I know that some people feel they CANNOT go somewhere empty handed. Gift giving is part of their love language.
I would just say for someone older or not well or who doesn’t have specific item needs, make your “gift” something consumable. Tea as mentioned above. Fruit that won’t go bad fast. Homemade quick bread. For themselves or to have something on hand for home helpers or visitors.
I really dislike being give something I don’t need and having to figure out what to do with it.
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A gift that I’ve sometimes included when sending a card to older relatives is postage stamps. I try to find something they’d like, sometimes one of the specialty collections (like national parks etc).
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A Yeti cup - for keeping bedside drinks cold - has been much appreciated. For folks who like to correspond, notecards (and stamps!) can be great. I visit a couple of people who love getting books, and we can later chat about them (even on a phone call.). Disposable coasters!
I often shop for my mom’s older friends. They usually have a system in place for groceries, but weird things - a certain bottle of liquor, getting a watch battery replaced – often end up on my list.
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When my daughter was sick, everyone and their brother brought her blankets. My D loves blankets and always has one around.
She now has quite the collection. Maybe like mugs!
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Next time I’m where the stroke person is, I will take her a nice soft throw. I think it will be appreciated, especially when the weather gets cooler (although the inside temps in these places is set pretty high).
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Nice! Watch battery tasks can be a pain. I once had to buy my mother a new watch. I bought 3 or 4 different styles at Walmart, let her choose her favorite. Returned the others.
For my grandfather, I once bought a clock for for the nursing home wall, with huge numbers. (Made a joke of it. Temporarily lashed it to a belt and said, “You keep wanting a watch with bigger numbers….” Laughter is good medicine).
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My MIL’s favorite present was an extremely soft, large throw that completely covers her when she is in her recliner.
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My mom is in AL, and she just loves getting mail. Her grandchildren send her clippings from newspapers with notes written on them, which is what she did for them while they were in college. One of her much younger friends visits almost every Tuesday, same time, same duration (about 15 minutes). But most people can’t do that; cards are nice. I send her postcards with a joke twice a week.
I will say, having been the family in crisis, that it was much easier to agree to a proposal than to come up with ideas or arrange anything. So instead of calling and saying “can I mow the lawn for you” or “would it be okay to drop off dinner next Wednesday at 5”, we appreciated “I am going to mow the lawn Friday, just so you know” and “John will leave dinner in a cooler on Wednesday, we’ll pick it back up Friday”.
People who are ill or rehabbing or in crisis still have the same hobbies and interests they did before. Anything related to those are still a good reminder that they are more than a person in a bad spot. And instead of “how are you today”, we should all learn to say “I am so glad to see you”
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So many thoughtful, helpful ideas. For visits, a few photos of shared times over the years can make for some good conversations; people may want a break from discussing current challenges.
While meals are appreciated, I have had requests for salads (dressing on the side), cheese/veggie/dips or fruit-yogurt platter, muffins for easy snacking or a light lunch,
If a friend is local and you share an ‘inner circle’, coordinating rides, help, visits or meals can make a difference. If you are nearby and have a large fridge, you can also offer to be a food drop off location to reduce disruptions when the household needs some quiet. Then you can pace the food deliveries with input from the family, simplifying their days
In advance of an ortho surgery with a long recovery, a friend attached instructions to reach into a gift bag filled with small wrapped packages whenever I needed a lift. The interesting small items (book of poems, shells, encouraging notes, travel sizes of nice hand creams and pretty soap, etc) were a treat and a great connection for both of us.
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