My D, a senior in high school, has had several of her closest friends drift away since freshman year. Most recently, a girl she’s been quite close to since elementary school seems to have dropped her - spends time with other friends, doesn’t invite her to get together any more, etc. Has anyone else’s kid experienced this during senior year? My kid is pretty serious about her schoolwork (works hard to get good grades), and is somewhat introverted. I want her to have a good social life, but don’t know what what advice to give her – or even whether I should be giving her any advice 
Does your daughter invite her old friends to do things? Does she still enjoy the same things that they used to do (sports, scouting, crafts, animals?)
My kids moved during high school but are now back in the same areas as their grade school friends. They’ve all changed. They are all busy. Sometimes they go shopping or to a movie, but it is not like it was when they were young and all in the same girl scout troop, on the same basketball team, members of the same swim club, doing the same homework.
She is still in the same club as the friend that has distanced herself, but both girls have been busy with college visits and are no longer taking the same classes. It could well be that they both are changing and busy, and have lost the connection they used to have. I moved frequently when I was growing up, so my friendships were usually interrupted by a move, rather than changes in interests and personality development.
Your concern is understandable. I think you should follow her lead especially if she’s introverted. Senior year seems to be a time when some kids are just ready to move on and it makes saying goodbye to everyone easier. As long as she seems happy and engaged in her schoolwork and activities, it’s fine. Perhaps, once her plans for next year become clear, she can connect with people in that new group either for college or work or whatever lies ahead. I think it’s hard as a parent to see the changes occur for kids and their social groups. As the school year continues, perhaps, the kids will reach out and reconnect.
One of mine really shifted friend groups during senior year, particularly as he had some friends making choices about drugs and alcohol he wasn’t comfortable with. Senior year is a lot of change – perhaps try to keep the door open to listen and support her if she is shifting her focus, either because others have moved on or she is not interested in keeping “up” with them. Some kids respond to the hint of college by pushing boundaries early, and breaking with the past. Others respond to the same future by nesting more at home with family. Hugs.
I don’t think this is unusual at all. My DD’s friend group has narrowed considerably since freshman year. Part of that is through graduation – she’s had several friends who were older than she. Part of that is changing interests/focus or some of her friends starting to be involved in activities she doesn’t want to be around. Per @Midwestmomofboys, mine is choosing to nest this year. I bite my tongue very often, but do occasionally try to nudge her to get out and do things; trying to get her to see that just because someone parties and she doesn’t want to be around that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t go to the movies with them, etc… She is involved in EC’s – xc/track, and has an internship – so it’s not like she’s not out doing things. It’s just that when it comes to doing anything socially, it’s with a very few people (one of which is her BF … who is a nice kid … but balance with other friends is good too…). We’ve discussed the narrowing of friends, and right now her attitude is, “Yeah, but what’s the point in finding new friends, when we’re all just leaving in a few months anyway.” When I’ve pointed out that it would be good practice for what she’ll need to do next year in college, she says, “Mom, I’ll do it when I need to; but right now, I don’t need to yet.” So, the nesting continues…
My D1 had a pretty major break with her main friend group fall of senior year. She had a party (one if thise murder mystery dinners), and invited a mix of people from our old neighborhood and her broad circle of friends, focusing on those that love theater & mysteries. The uninvited friends got wind of it and turned nasty (although they sometimes did activities together and didn’t invite my D). Although they sort of patched things up, my D socialized with other people mostly after that. Looking back 10 years later, their lives took different directions after that. My D was definitely the most academically driven. Two of the friends never finished college and married young. One finished but has been working in coffee shops, not using her degree. That split was probably inevitable.
Could be nothing, could be something. I’d ask gently about her friends, ask if she wants to have anyone over, also just kind of watch her and see how she seems. I agree with the posters above that kids change this last year in high school. The quiet ones sometimes pull away from old friends and get ready to launch their new lives.
One of mine did that. He was a popular guy, invited to everything, but not himself a big partier. He chose to hang with smaller groups of nerdier friends.
Senior year of high school, to our naive astonishment, we saw some of the kids who never got in trouble start to experiment with drugs, alcohol, sex, and breaking the rules.
It’s as if the “good kids” suddently wanted to see what it was like to be one of the “bad kids”. This went into high gear after winter break (coincidentally or not when all colleges apps were in).
Friendships did shift. Summer before leaving for college was rough on us parents.
Youth is wasted on the young. :-/
Yes, my D had a major falling out this year with her primary girlfriend group - it started this past summer when they would exclude her from certain activities and in the fall, they were outright mean to her. She finally just broke it off with them. They were all in a club together where my D was in charge, and I think they didn’t like that. In the end, I think D just outgrew them, she is the studious one of the bunch and she had stopped going to one girl’s house who often had overnights, (I think because they were drinking and she didn’t want to). It’s tough. To top it off, she broke it off with her b/f (of 2 years) a couple of weeks ago. It’s been hard on her and she says she can’t wait for college because she is “so over high school.”
Last night, she told me she made a new friend and she seemed really happy about that, so there’s hope!
It’s a tough age - kids are just finding themselves, learning who they are and what’s important to them… they experiment, they push limits, they’re extra sensitive - and throughout all this they can bond or drift apart. your D will find her way.
My daughter had a VERY close group of friends from 1st grade on - they even gave themselves a nickname. But something happened last year (HS senior year) and she drifted apart from them. I think something specific happened, but she would never share with me. This year, she has found her people at college and is very happy. There are still a few HS friends she hangs out with over vacations.
My daughters are long out of high school but older daughter had a similar situation in reverse in which a friend from high school drifted away from her group of friends who were using fake IDs, doing a lot of drugs, taking limos into NYC for clubs to rejoin my daughter and her friends who were more like-minded in terms of what was fun for high school seniors. They did their share of getting together and I know some underage drinking was likely taking place… but they weren’t snorting cocaine in the back of a limo that they parents paid for.
My D and her friend group made it through senior year in tact but the group seemed to disintegrate soon after graduation. She even broke up with her boyfriend early in the summer. The old gang just seemed to disappear. My D ended up making new friends at her summer job and hanging with them. I think it made the transition to college much easier since she wasn’t so emotionally tied to the old crowd anymore.
It happens, it happened back in the paleolithic when I went to school, my friends shifted from the neighborhood kids I had known since grade school into kids whose interests grew with mine, kids change, find different interests, some kids kind of drop back and become part of the party/cool crowd, others get into sports, I assume the same thing happens with young women.
My youngest’s friend group changed a lot in her senior year. Her closest friends , who happened to be 3 girls that were in the top 10 in the class got into drinking and getting high. She just wasn’t into that so they excluded her from a lot of social gatherings. She became friends with a few other kids and by early spring, had a new boyfriend. That shifted her friend group quite a bit.
As a college freshman last year, I was a little concerned at how they all still clung to each other and couldn’t wait to come home some weekends.
She is still friendly with the group, but now seems to have more in common with her friends at college. I think it is normal for friends to drift apart during this time period of their lives
Kids are ready to get out of high school and are looking forward to college. Some are tensed about their futures and where they will end up. Personalities change and people change. Senioritis will be starting if it hasn’t already. From September to February all of them are tensed and busy with applications and waiting for acceptances. It’s a stressful time for everybody.
The kids will have a chance to bond when the senior year festivities start. (prom, award ceremonies, graduation, parties) They start meeting with their high school friends less. Dd now in her 3rd year of college used to meet a group of 15 high school friends. Over time she met with a smaller group of high school friends. Friendships change over time. That is just how it is. If she is focused on her schoolwork that is a good think that she is not letting her grades slide. Just remind her to take out time for fun with the friends that she has because at graduation there maybe tears since some have been with each other for a long time.
Thank you all so very much for sharing your experiences and those of your kids. My D is similar to @ailinsh1 's kid: homework and EC’s keep her busy, and when she does socialize it’s with just a few close friends. Definitely turning more towards nesting with family as well. But she has also made friends with a group of juniors in one of her EC’s – a good sign that she is still reaching out.
It is so reassuring to be reminded of what is normal for this age – the emotional sensitivity, boundary-pushing, and personal change/growth. This all translates into an emotional time for parents as well. It helps me to remember what @Fishnlines29 said above, “your D will find her way.” Thanks again, all – your comments truly make me appreciate this community of caring parents on CC!
I think it’s pretty typical. I’ve seen a lot of shifting with both daughters to different friends. The new friends have all been nice kids, so I don’t worry about it.
They seem to have activities-based friendships for the most part, and then one or two very close friends that are their go-to’s for the important stuff.