<p>Hello. A good friend of mine has a son now 2-years post h.s. Sweet kid, but has ADD issues - (not medicated) and doesn’t seem to be able to keep a job. Son is living at home, unemployed, flunking his two community college classes. She was asking me for advice, and mentioned he would be seeing a psychiatrist to try to get him back on track. (He is somewhat depressed, but it seems more situational than anything else…) It doesn’t seem that a psychiatrist will be much help in his situation. I told her that I had read some posts from people here about different kinds of cognitive therapy to help kids get more organized, positive and goal-oriented, and she asked me to post to find out more info on the options out there. Any suggestions for this kid? Any specific types of therapy or programs that you know of that might help???</p>
<p>First, the kid has to sit down and think what HE wants to do, what he wants to achieve and become in life. That’s the first step. Simply letting him clear his head a bit and figure himself out. Second, you can bring in all the therapy, psychiatrists, and anything else that will help him attain his goals.</p>
<p>If he’s ADD, probably a social worker or clinical psychologist would be of more help than a psychiatrist. The right social worker or psychologist could give him help with organization and other things. The psychiatrist can prescribe meds (which may be necessary), but probably isn’t trained to help in other ways.</p>
<p>At age 19 or so, the young man also will need to feel that he has a problem. If his parents are supporting him without expecting much from him in return, he may keep drifting. ADD/ADHD doesn’t doom people to a lifetime of failure. If they are self motivated, they can do well in many fields, including many professional ones. Saying this as a person with ADD and with sons with ADD and ADHD.</p>
<p>These books may be helpful: [ADD</a> and ADHD Books by Thom Hartmann, covering Attention Deficit Disorder](<a href=“http://athenwood.com/addbooks.shtml]ADD”>http://athenwood.com/addbooks.shtml)</p>
<p>Does your friend have any type of house rules in effect? She should put rules in place–the son is 2 years out of high school and it doesn’t sound as if he has any real need to organize his life because he has his parents to fall back on. Has she considered house rules such as:</p>
<p>–He needs to get a job and pay rent towards his room and board.
–He needs to pay for his own car insurance and gas.
–He needs to pass his classes or parents will not waste their money paying for additional classes.</p>
<p>She needs to set consequences for the rules. If he doesn’t get a job and start paying room and board, the consequence will be ________________.</p>
<p>If he fails his classes, the consequence will be ______________.</p>
<p>Seems as though he’s lacking direction, responsibility, and maturity. Suggest that she not fall into the trap of enabling his behavior. Set some rules and follow through with the consequences.</p>
<p>It would probably be a good idea for your friend to seek family counseling for herself. </p>
<p>The reason I say that is that it is clear that SHE wants a change… but not so clear that her SON wants or is willing/ready to change. A good family therapist can help your friend better understand her own role in the family dynamics and guide her to make the changes in her own actions & reactions that may in turn instigate change in her son’s behavior. </p>
<p>If the son is willing to participate in counseling – that’s even better - but the point is that we can’t really change other people’s behavior. We can make changes in ourselves that are likely to influence how relate to others – and within a family that will change the feedback loop that tends to reinforce undesired behaviors. </p>
<p>I mean – I don’t know your friend or what has gone on in the family, but if you’ve got a kid who is 2 years out of high school, living at home, unemployed and apparently unproductive and possibly depressed – somewhere in that picture there are parents who are making it all possible – at least the “living at home” part.</p>
<p>^good advice Calmom.</p>
<p>Here is a very interesting and hopeful article I just read yesterday. For this boy with ADD, Second Nature Cascades turned his world around, but the point of the article is there is a unique solution for each person.</p>
<p>[globecampus.ca</a> ~ No one-size-fits-all solution for students with mental illness](<a href=“http://www.globecampus.ca/in-the-news/article/no-one-size-fits-all-solution-for-students-with-mental-illness/]globecampus.ca”>http://www.globecampus.ca/in-the-news/article/no-one-size-fits-all-solution-for-students-with-mental-illness/)</p>
<p>The boy in that article did not have ADD.</p>
<p>^Ah so sorry, my memory faults after 24 hrs. </p>
<p>Nevertheless, the point of the article extends beyond the focus of this boy and his particular diagnosis, and the solution for him (Second Nature Cascades) treats a host of mental health issues, including ADD. </p>
<p>Contrary to others on this thread, I think none of us are in a position to diagnose what is going on. It could be he’s just lazy and needs a kick in the butt. But if it involves actual mental health issues, its not as simple as just rewards and consequences. Young adults with existing mental health issues aren’t necessarily going to be capable of the self-awareness and ability to seek out the professional help they may need.</p>
<p>Undiagnosed/treated ADD can lead to depression but ADD is the way the brain is wired. Improved self esteem isn’t gonna help that much with specific strategies</p>
<p>This article may be helpful:</p>
<p>[Foot</a> on the Gas, Foot on the Brake](<a href=“Magazine Issues Archive - Psychotherapy Networker”>Magazine Issues Archive - Psychotherapy Networker)</p>
<p>I would agree that a clinical social worker or psychologist could help him look at his current life as well as his own goals and aspirations, help him put a plan of action together and assess whether he does need medication. ADDers often need that external push to make change. </p>
<p>A helpful book by Hallowell, (a psychiatrist with ADD) is Delivered from Distraction–his books are very positive in nature and help the person w ADD focus on their strengths and learn to compensate for their deficits. </p>
<p>I would also think the parents need to set some limits with their son, stating the obvious, but if he has no responsibilities at home he loses the natural motivation to address his own issues. Also, kids with ADD not on medication sometimes will seek drugs to self medicate, esp if they are struggling with depression. another reason to be seen for an assessment…good luck to them</p>
<p>Great article, ADad. (post 11). Something there for all of us.</p>
<p>Thanks guys! I’ll pass the articles and such along to her, along with the book recommendation!</p>
<p>After the social/mental/medical health professionals have made their contributions to his case, perhaps one of the Outward Bound programs could be of some help: [Outward</a> Bound At-Risk Youth Expeditions](<a href=“http://www.outwardbound.org/index.cfm/do/are.index]Outward”>http://www.outwardbound.org/index.cfm/do/are.index)</p>