<p>I heavily regret deciding to room with my best friend for our freshman year. </p>
<p>Not only do we have the same exact friends, but there is a lot competition and jealousy between us for their attention. We are both socially insecure, which is a big cause of this competition/jealousy. This has also caused resentment and tension. I have attempted to talk to her about this tension however she is reluctant to be completely honest with what’s bothering her and seems almost like she doesn’t care. There isn’t a way to swap roommates for spring semester.</p>
<p>I sometimes feel like we aren’t separate people, and I do not know how to not feel like our friends are constantly comparing us.</p>
<p>Any advice on how to solve the problem? I am considering transferring to a new school next year, and this is a factor (among other reasons). Because we have the same friends, and neither of us want to find a new friend group, I am afraid I will have to deal with this unspoken competition for years to come.</p>
<p>Is there a reason that you are “competing” for friends? It seems really immature. Friendship is not a zero-sum situation. Is there a reason that both of you cannot be friends with the same circle of people, and each other?</p>
<p>“neither of us want to find a new friend group”</p>
<p>Why? I’m assuming this was your first semester. You shouldn’t be forced to find new friends because of this resentment, but college is full of people who can become new friends. As you start getting into Major classes you’ll find yourself surrounded by the same people, and you might have more friends. </p>
<p>Finding new friends might help ease the tension. Without the competition it might give both of you a chance to clear your heads and talk about it. </p>
<p>You say you’re socially insecure, and even if you transfer to a new school it might cause a problem. Say you find yourself a group of friends and a new person joins. Will the same thing happen again? I think of myself as socially insecure, and I’ve sensed jealously in myself in a similar situation. I’m working on it, though. Ask yourself why you seem so insecure and work on gaining some self-confidence. It’ll help you and future friendships.</p>