Well, maybe you want to take it up with this top college how they can award a pass without any assignments or exams being done. I know I’d have something to say about that to the school.
For the rest of it I’m in agreement with the general mood here. Seems to me the child is lying out of some combination of fear of you and fear of disappointing you - and you clearly let her know when that happens. Why don’t you try a different tack, of showing her praise when she does well and offering her encouragement or counseling when she isn’t? That way she won’t feel the need to lie to you, and you might find it far more constructive than anger.
By the way, how were her results for the other 3 quarters?
You commented your daughter is at a “top university”. I have a rising sophomore at a T20 school who is a STEM major. I don’t know how grading is done at your D’s school but introductory STEM classes at my D’s school rarely are graded on a “normal” scale (60 for D, 70 for C, etc.). My D has gotten quite low scores on tests and assignments and still ended up with good grades in the class. She took a physics class this spring where test averages were in the 50’s. So, while a 64% may not be great it also may not be a D.
If your D’s school is known for having a challenging STEM curriculum, taking some of those classes might have been a mistake and you might want to be thankful she had to pass/fail them At my D’s school the first CS class is known to be a killer, and that’s for kids who are majoring in CS. That is not a class non-CS majors generally take.
One last point: Trust goes both ways. You are upset she lied to you but you went on her computer and logged into her computer to check up on her. Seems like you all need to have a talk about what you have access to and what you don’t.
This +10000. As @StanleyCup2018 said, this was a really good move on her part. She knew she would probably struggle with those classes so she took them when she knew they wouldn’t hurt her GPA.
If she was my daughter, I’d be proud that she is figured out how to work the system to her advantage, which is much more important as a life skill than anything she might learn in those classes.
Wasn’t able to respond earlier because today was super busy. But I did get a chance to read all these responses. Thanks for the suggestion about making her have consequences and her paying me back. Folks, we are paying a TON of money for her college tuition— close to $70K a year! If your kid pulled off all the crap I described in the original post at an expensive Ivy League school (yes, Ivy on a quarter system… guess which school), I’m guessing you’d be pretty mad too! It’s unacceptable that DD is wasting our money in this manner. Per the suggestion in @Groundwork2022 we are making DD pay us back for her CS and Stats classes. That’s $10K, and we are halfway there with the money in her joint bank account. After the money from her (equally easy and laughable) virtual internship this summer, along with money from future work study when (or if) she’s back on campus, she should be able to easily fully repay us.
@vpa2019 is one of the few on this thread who gets the value of expensive tuition. Apparently the rest of you are comfortable wasting college tuition willy nilly. We are not. As a result, DD recently agreed to give us the ID and password to her school login (and subsequently, her school Canvas as well). We will be able to easily track her progress this way— there will be no more BSing important classes from here on out! This will be doubly important for DD as hubby and I are making her complete a CS minor, both as a punishment for blowing off important classes in the spring and because her intended political science major alone isn’t enough for sustainable long-term employment.
A few of you on here have expressed that my daughter shouldn’t fear me. This is just ridiculous in my eyes; OF COURSE kids should fear their parents! Are you all really so soft as to think you should be equals to your kids? This sort of lax behavior from parents is why America is facing downward mobility and laziness.
Some of you have also expressed that my reaction is going to “ruin” my relationship with my daughter. This is equally ridiculous; are all of you so subservient to your kids as to think that actually holding academic standards or getting your money’s worth of college tuition is going to permanently damage your relationship with your kids? That’s pathetic. No wonder kids these days are such fragile snowflakes.
To the few of you on here who have reaffirmed me and given me ideas: thank you. You are the real CC gems.
Just a question. Did you come on here ACTUALLY wanting advice or did you just want validation? And if you were already set on your opinion, why did you ask for ours?
I am a parent who sets high expectations for my kids. They weren’t always happy with me, but they worked very hard and even surpassed those expectations. Children tend to rise to the standard you set, so long as it’s reasonable. Then and now I have a good and loving relationship with them. For one thing, expecting them to do their best isn’t mean, and for another, a strong work ethic produces nice results that they themselves enjoy and appreciate.
My son was a political science and economics major at Dartmouth. When he graduated, guess which major allowed him to find a good job? It wasn’t political science. So, I hear you, rosyoften.
That said, you do come off as harsh. Also, not sure I agree with forcing your D to minor in something unless she agrees it makes sense for her.
In the off chance this is real: @rosyoften please give your daughter a choice of a few minors you think will offer better employment.
Let her pick the one She thinks she can get the best grades in. A lower GPA when taking courses that are more difficult will not help her when graduating and looking for a job.
Or, let her switch to an instate public college that costs less money.