I think sometimes our kids are trying to tell us something through their actions or inactions. I really had to read between the lines with my S20.
He was not at all engaged, didn’t really want to visit schools, didn’t study for the SAT and got just average results, didn’t want to write any essays, etc. It all finally came out that he just didn’t want to go away from home as a Freshman. So we are now planning on CC for 2 years with a hopeful transfer to UC Berkeley or Davis. He couldn’t get in to either as a Freshman but with a good GPA in CC he will have a shot.
I definitely experienced some disappointment, but I’ve now moved past that and will support him 100% in his plan.
Just make sure you are listening to what your kids are trying to say.